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GAY SEX AS AN INTIMATE HE...
Forum: Gays and sex
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01-12-2020, 06:48 PM
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GAY COUPLES: FROM EX-BOYF...
Forum: Gay couples
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01-11-2020, 08:35 PM
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GAY SEX AS A VALUE
Forum: Gays and sex
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01-09-2020, 03:00 PM
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GAYS BETWEEN SPORTS AND N...
Forum: Gays and sex
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CHURCH AND HOMOSEXUALS: E...
Forum: Gays and religion
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12-22-2019, 02:09 PM
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TO BE A GAY COUPLE OR NOT...
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PROBLEMS OF A 19-YEAR-OLD...
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GAY COUPLE AND SEX IN CHA...
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A GAY COUPLE AFTER 12 YEA...
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12-08-2019, 12:42 AM
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GAY EXPERIENCES: HE WAS D...
Forum: True gay stories
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12-05-2019, 02:28 AM
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  GAY SEX AS AN INTIMATE HEAT AND AS A PERFORMANCE
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 01-12-2020, 06:48 PM - Forum: Gays and sex - No Replies

Hi Project,
I have to ask you a strange question that requires some concrete knowledge of the facts. 

I’m 32 years old, and obviously I’m 200% gay, I had my beautiful stories of love and/or sex. I have always been scolded for my lack of sexual initiative, for my letting my partner take the first step in order to limit myself to follow him, for my making too many speeches and little sex, for my insisting too much on the emotional part and reducing the weight of sexuality. Perhaps I could also be repressed, I can't deny that someone judges me this way, anyway I don't feel repressed at all, but my sexuality, let's say so, is much less performing than that of many guys. 

Until a few years ago, I thought that when others used to describe their sexual adventures they continually exaggerated the extent of their performances, which at the time seemed to me decidedly disproportionate, but today I have gained my little experience of gay sex, and I can say that most of those stories refer to real facts. 

I would have fallen asleep while staying in bed with some guys, not to devalue sex but to live it in my own way, with a warm intimacy, made especially of pampering with my partner, without the need for special or pyrotechnic performances. I like sex, all right, but the quiet one, not the obsessive one. If one evening I see a guy, there is also sex, ok, but certainly not 24 hours a day. 

Then they tell me that I'm senile, that “it” doesn't work well, etc. etc. and in fact from their point of view it is somehow so! I wouldn’t go to have sex with the first guy who passes by, I need first of all to fall in love, I need also, sometimes, to have sex, sex is important but somehow it is secondary, when I say this phrase they think I'm crazy, out of my mind! 

Sex has a very strong hold on many guys, on me as well, but I would also like a little love. You can tell me: "but who are you to expect such a thing, if the others don't get it?" Well, I would like a little love, the others maybe are satisfied too easily, I don't, if I don't find what I really am looking for, "but how can you expect such a thing, if the others never reach it?" Well, I would like a little love, the others can be satisfied quite easily, it's up to them, but I can't accept a life without love, if I don't find what I really am looking for, I can also feel at ease staying alone. 

It may seem paradoxical but I don't know if it is me the one who is different among the different people, or it is the others who are truly dependent on sex. Project, look, I’m not a pathological case, I use porn as all guys do, and my fantasy I know how to use it, but going with a guy just for sex seems very simplistic to me, even if many do it: they meet their partner, they do what they have to do, then they pull up their trousers and bye! It's all over! And see you next time! 

A guy I spoke to told me I should see a psychologist ... but what for? I don't experience any form of discomfort. I made my concrete attempts to find a guy "as I want him", but I haven't found a guy like that, so what should I do? Find any one just to have some sex? No thanks! Being with a guy just to do something and then having to worry about how to get rid of him in order to recover my freedom is something that doesn’t appeal to me at all. 

Now I’m exploring the possibilities with a guy a little younger than me, he's also a very experienced guy in sex department, according to people who know him, apparently he's very far from me, but something tells me that he could be the right guy. We exchanged only a few glances, he’s very prudent, he doesn’t unbalance at all. My friends tell me I have to get him out of my head because someone like him is absolutely not good for me. 

He doesn’t have the attitude of the braggart or of the one who has understood everything, he seems even shy to me. I developed a theory of mine about that guy: he sought true affection and he didn't find any and then he turned to sex. It seems a stupid speech, especially if made by me because I only exchanged glances with him (actually more than someone). 

He has beautiful, sweet eyes, he smiles like a child and his face lights up. When he looks at me, if he feels my gaze, he pretends to look somewhere else. Could he be the right one? People say he had his adventures and had many, but frankly I don't believe it very much. He doesn't have the typical snake charmer's way of doing. Project, wish me good luck for this guy! You never know!
Bye and good luck.
Vincent87

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  GAY COUPLES: FROM EX-BOYFRIENDS TO EX-EX-BOYFRIENDS
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 01-11-2020, 08:35 PM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

Hi Project. I noticed that in the Forum there are several posts about the ex-boyfriends and on this topic I would like to tell you about my experience.

I’m no longer a boy, I’m 42 years old and in my life I have had a few guys, not a collection, but a small group, four in all. My first story was not started by me but by my partner who was then twenty while I was thirty. If I think about it, after such a long time, I tend to see above all the positive aspects of all this, but in reality there were also many problems, many doubts, and I often felt the desire to run away because of my insecurity, but he never allowed me it. 

He had a vision of sex far from mine, that is, for him sex was a very strong drive and this fact at first shocked me because I didn't feel at his level, but he had chosen me, he trusted me, or rather he had bet on me, he was patient, he made me overcome my doubts and involved me in his most intimate world. 

I remember unforgettable nights spent making love in a truly overwhelming way, it was a thing I never imagined I could experience, then the time of the crisis came, he told me that he needed peers and I encouraged him to go his way. I didn't want to get rid of him, I just didn't want him to feel forced. So we broke up, but always keeping a red wire of connection. 

He was neurotic but lovable, deeply honest. He never had sex for purposes that were not affective or sexual, I mean that he never had sex for complacency, that is, to look strong, he used to value the guys for what they were as guys without taking into account social positions or studies or things of this kind, if he didn't like a guy, he used to send him  to hell without thinking twice about. 

In short, we kept a minimum of relationship between us has and, if I must be sincere, even a minimum of sex, especially in the periods when he was alone and depressed. After him I met three other guys, good guys, for heaven's sake, but I was not in love with them, for me my first boyfriend remained the fixed idea, my fantasies were always focused on him. Sex with the other guys was not in the least comparable to that I had had with him and furthermore he had a very strong character, he had never accepted compromises in order to save his quiet living, or he really wanted something, by his choice, or he would not have done it for any reason. 

But now let’s go straight to the core of the story. I hadn't heard from him for at least two months and it worried me a little, I missed him, not for sex, and I say it honestly, but just as a person, even if he has never been very expansive. 

A week ago he calls me completely unexpectedly and makes me a sexual proposal, I say yes, we meet and "with an eye to prevention" we spend a truly enchanting night together, not only of sex but of intimacy, telling each other our most hidden thoughts and fears, he talks to me about the guys he has had and I tell him that I was very happy to hear him and not just for sex and he replies: "Me too!" Very rare statement for someone like him, then he asks me: "Why did the two of us broke up?" I answer: "Because you needed your peers!" and he looks at me and says: "All bullshit!"

In the morning, before leaving, he said: "Now I have to go to work, I’ll contact you soon!” I can't deny you that this response made me happy! We loved each other, I think there was above all a deep mutual esteem between us. In short, the ex-boyfriends can also become ex-ex-boyfriends, and I think it's happening!

MP

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  GAY SEX AS A VALUE
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 01-09-2020, 03:00 PM - Forum: Gays and sex - No Replies

Hi Project,
I'm not a regular reader of your Forum, but when I happen to access it, I find interesting elements. Allow me some remarks, or if you prefer some advices: I think it would be appropriate to ask some questions, first of all: why is there a huge abundance of gay or pseudo gay pornography while there is hardly a normal gay cinema? You actually asked yourself this question but you didn't find an answer. I share what you wrote in your post http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-...ornography

The so-called gay pornography has very little to do with gays and seems a kind of mirror image of straight pornography. I think that that type of pornography does not represent gay sexuality at all, at least the most widespread one. I don't have much experience in the field but I had sex with some guys and here I must specify that they were gay guys in the true sense of the word, that is, guys who fell in love with other guys, and not heterosexuals, engaged to a girl, or even married, looking for gay sex just to console themselves for their straight frustrations. 

I don't like being with straight guys chasing sex at all, it only happened to me once, but I felt really uncomfortable, exploited, used, treated like a straight guy "not in love" treats a woman, that is I felt like I was the second-best choice, the fallback choice, a sexual object managed by one who has something else in mind. With the really gay guys, even if the stories ended, I felt a much deeper affinity, it was never a game of sex only, they were guys trying to build something, they were not always successful, but I never felt uncomfortable with them and I found myself in front of a sexuality all in all very similar to mine and very different from what is seen in so-called gay pornography. 

Apart from anal sex, which has never been part of the contacts with those guys, that is, we have never considered it even as a hypothesis, there has never been any stimulation of the nipples or anus. The interest was concentrated on the immediate sexual response, that is, on the other's penis, it was not even a fixed idea, but in being in a powerful erection we saw a sign of true participation. I understand that this thing can be stupid, but it was like that. I tell you something that may seem stupid the same way, when I got distracted and lost the full erection I felt embarrassed because I thought I was disappointing my partner and probably also my partner felt embarrassed for similar reasons. 

The most involving thing ever, for me and my partners was the fact of being able to look at each other's face while having sex and being able to see in each other's face the sign of a total involvement, without reservations. With the guys with whom I had more lasting relationships, sexuality was very diluted, it was lived in long times, with forms of intimacy such as being embraced and feeling the warmth one of the other, I don't even speak of explicitly sexual things. It was also great to pamper ourselves on the sofa while watching television. 

Project, I don't want to say that there must be no nipple or anus stimulation or even anal sex, to me and to the guys I've been with it has never happened, but everything is possible and I don't see it at all absurd, it may well be that sooner or later I also get to do such things, I don’t exclude it, even if at the tender age of 37 certain possibilities seem very theoretical to me, however saying that certain behaviors are the rule is really far from reality, at least from the reality I knew. And then being able to touch each other, being naked together, exchanging pampering is beautiful. 

The guy I told you about, the one who was my partner, but who wasn't gay, couldn't stand pampering, and considered it something fitting just to "fagots" a way of saying that seemed odious to me, and this was one of the reasons that pushed me to send him to the devil. For him, sex was aimed at anal penetration, he had to get there anyway, he took it for granted that I should feel gratified by the fact that he wanted to do it, but to me an idea of this kind was completely unwelcome, also and perhaps above all because proposed in such a stupid way by one who had never really cared about me.

Sex with gay guys was really another thing, for them the cuddles were nothing strange, I felt those guys like me and this was a very beautiful thing, we looked at each other and we ended up smiling at each other and then there was a form of mutual modesty, almost of embarrassment, in proposing something that we knew the other would certainly accept. 

There is another thing that struck me. With the straight guy it was he who wanted to undress me while he was fully dressed and this bothered me terribly, I felt it as an aggressive gesture, with the gay guys we always undressed together, each on his own, that is we were on the same level, I mean that we were two guys, not a guy and a girl's substitute. I have never seen a gay guy trying to force me to do something I didn't want to do, while the straight guy did it regularly. 

With the gay guys I have been with, contact has been maintained even after the end of the relationship, that is, the relationship was over but the respect never ceased. Christmas has just passed, but I heard "all" the gay guys I was with on the phone, no one excluded, and I can't deny that I was pleased. We should talk more about true sexuality and above all about true gay affectivity, because I think it would be something reassuring, peaceful and above all true for guys. And then, let's be clear, real sex is a thousand times more rewarding than pornography, you feel that it serves to create a contact between two people who are on the same wavelength, what matters is being with your partner, making him feel at ease, make him understand that you love him, that you have respect for him, that you care about him, make him understand that even if the relationship does not last, anyway it’s not a trivial thing. 

I have been both with guys older than me, even a lot, and with younger guys and I can tell you that the differences are really minimal. I found people who loved me and respected me, they showed me their affection even out of bed, even when our relationship was over. They were good guys, serious guys, who went out of their way to make me feel good. Certainly there is sex in homosexuality, that’s obvious, and it has a very important meaning but it is totally different from how it is represented. Pornography is used to make many people make easy money but it is very far from the reality of the life of guys, or at least from the reality of my life and that of the guys I have known. We should not trivialize being gay, we should begin to consider it a thing of high moral value, a very important feeling in the life of many people, a way of loving each other.

Goodbye Project, see what to do with this email, I wrote it a bit as an outlet thinking of my ex-boyfriends of whom, honestly, I have no negative memory at all! Good job and get busy because you are doing very good things.
Santino (it’s not really my name but I'd like it!)

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  GAYS BETWEEN SPORTS AND NUDE YESTERDAY AND TODAY
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 12-29-2019, 04:59 PM - Forum: Gays and sex - Replies (1)

Hi Project,
don’t take me for a maniac if I write you an email like this, but on certain issues it’s very difficult to have a minimally serious exchange of opinions because it almost inevitably ends up in stupid jokes.
 
I’m 23 years old, to say that I’m gay is something trivial, I have never had any problems with my being gay, I’m not the most beautiful guy in the world, but I defend myself well, I’m a medium-high level sportsman, I do physical activity in the pool at least four afternoons a week and this keeps me in shape. Next year, if things go as planned, I should finish my Master Degree  in things strictly related to sport. The fact that I do sports as well as the fact that I’m planning my future all aimed to sport certainly has a lot to do with the fact that I’m gay, denying it would be like denying the evidence. 

I don't have a girl and I will never have one, because it’s not the girls that interest me, I like guys and here I must underline one thing, if I say that I like guys I mean that I’m fine with them, no matter if they are gay or straight. Liking guys doesn’t mean at all that I would jump on the first guy who comes by. I know very well that the vast majority of the guys I meet in the pool are straight, but with them I feel good all the same, an all-male community is formed, which for me is the best. I don't like guys who are fond of girls, that is, those who, when you talk to them, do nothing but talk to you about their girlfriends or their female friends, however, I don’t like even gay guys who are fond of guys, who only tell you about their boyfriends or their sexual performances. I don't become hydrophobic when I hear about sex, for heaven's sake, but when it becomes a kind of stupid game, well, I just can't stand it. 

I see naked guys every day, I don't say that it doesn't have an effect on me anymore, but it is certainly not a fixed idea, because it is a fact that has become normal and has lost the sexual halo that it had at the beginning. I study very carefully the reaction of the guys while they stay naked together and the reactions are the most varied, from the total indifference of the guy who goes around the locker room giving a show and bragging, if there is something to brag of, to the tendency to shorten the time spent in the shower and in the changing room when it comes to reserved and very shy guys. There are those who if they see a penis a little straight turn to the other side and pretend they have not seen it and there are those who smile and compliment the lucky owner, who doesn’t get ashamed at all.

Days ago I read on the internet some things that impressed me a lot, I read that until 1980 the guys of the YMCA (Young Men's Christian Association!) were forced to enter the pool naked, and this also happened at school in normal physical education lessons, from what I read, nobody was ashamed of such a thing and sometimes during the lessons pictures were also taken (with the guys naked and well recognizable) and the pictures were also published in local newspapers. It was simply said that the guys “had nothing to be ashamed of”, but not only, when a teacher saw a guy with a half-erection, he patted him on the butt saying things like: "Lower that periscope!" The girls instead attended their physical education lessons in the swimming pool with the swimsuit. This is in itself a basically absurd thing, because the difference in treatment between guys and girls in relation to nudity was totally meaningless. 

But, if it were only this, at the limit, thinking of swimming pools reserved only for males, it would also be acceptable, even if it is undoubtedly a forcing, but physical education lessons were also attended together by guys and girls, with girls in swimsuits and guys totally naked. Forcing a very shy guy to undress naked and to attend naked the swimming lessons in the pool with his companions is already a violence, but forcing him to be naked among the girls was really a violence exercised in the most intimate dimension of a guy and I speak of straight guys. Obviously that world was very different from ours.

Besides the university I’m attending another very serious course on sports accidents, the course has a general part of safety in sport, traumatology, study of the musculoskeletal system etc. etc. and then it has a specialized part for individual sports and I chose the football section, because football is an essentially male sport. We go with a doctor on the sports fields to practice with a football team, 11-12 guys, all adults who had given their consent, between 18 and 24-25 years old. After the guys have taken a shower at the end of the workout, the doctor illustrates the techniques of using the defibrillator, mouth-to-mouth breathing, immobilization of fractures and other things, then the guys of the team took turns to pretend to be traumatized to learn and let us learn the practice of what had been explained in theory. It was generally very simple and took no more than an hour. 

Only the last tutorial left me a little upset. The doctor at the beginning explained that footballers, especially professional ones, can suffer from penile trauma (very rarely) and testicular trauma (unfortunately are not so rare) and that it is good to learn which are the symptoms to pay attention to and it is also good to learn palpation techniques to see if there are abnormalities in the testicles. The doctor said that because it was a question very delicate, who of the guys on the team didn't want to participate could go home and added that everything would be done very professionally. Six guys on the team left but five remained. 

The doctor put on surgical gloves, made the first volunteer with the lowered briefs lie on the bed and explained the problems that could be encountered and how to manage them. Then it was our turn to practice (very briefly) on the five volunteers. In the end, since it seemed absurd to me that we could touch those guys so intimately, even if to practice first aid, I said that, if they wanted, I was available for the guys of the team to let them practice palpation and two other students offered to do the same, the others instead left, we were only the doctor (55-60 years old), three graduate students and the 5 guys of the team, we leaned against the wall and we allowed the guys to palpate our testicles in practice. The thing lasted no more than 5 minutes. Then we got dressed and the group broke up. 

The five guys stopped me and told me that they didn't expect a gesture like what I had done and that they were very impressed, I replied that it seemed like a "sporting" gesture, that is, sharing as an equal, then we exchanged phone numbers. Six months have passed and with two of those guys a minimum of relationship has been created (a pizza in three), it seems little, but, even if they are both straight, the level of the discourse in the pizzeria was really high. Why did I tell this story? It is immediately said: I want to be a coach, even a masseur, if it happens, I want to enjoy the presence and intimacy of the guys but I wouldn’t want to put them in trouble for any reason. My role must make me useful but it mustn’t give me power to take advantage of.

Now I come to the next point. I don't have a boyfriend and I confess that I looked for him on the usual apps but frankly they were things to let my arms drop on the ground. Sex was put on display, just like at the market. I dream of having a boyfriend and having sex with him, but it must be a thing consciously wanted by both, it must be a way of showing each other love up to physical involvement, but everything must come by itself, we must be equal. When there is someone who commands there is also someone who is forced to obey and I dislike at all such situations. 

Sometimes I think about what my professional life will be, obviously I have to work only on the athletic performances of the guys I will work with, but they are guys and many other things could be useful for them to know, such as the use of a condom that is too often overlooked, I would like to become friend of those guys, and "wit NO ulterior motivations", they will never have to feel uncomfortable with me, they will have to see me more as a friend than as a technician. Does doing such things seem absurd to you? Maybe I dream of impossible things, but I have only one idea in mind, that of equality, which means above all clarity: if you want to be with me and it is fine for me, the problems are all external but, if it is not really good for me, the relationship doesn’t really exist. 

And then, I dream of solidarity, if and when it should be necessary, which means that we are not together only when there are no problems, but also when problems are there, indeed above all when problems are there. Loving each other doesn't mean just sex, otherwise it just doesn't make sense. Sometimes I think I'm flying with fantasy and I'm building my own dream book and then I'm also afraid of being hypocritical, because I don't make a selection of the guys based on the fact that they are more or less generous, more or less affectionate, no! I make a selection based at 99% on the physical aspect, then maybe, to the proof of the facts, I can also completely upset my ranking, because the most beautiful guy may also be the worst in many other aspects, and it happens a lot of times! 

I've never had a relationship with a guy, at any level, and sometimes I think it won't happen, but not because I'm a loser or something, but because I have my all-male world, basically I really have it, the swimming pool, gyms, athletic training gives me that masculine touch that fascinates me, then maybe having a guy of my own, who knows, could be a very complicated thing, assuming that the right guy for me exists. My parents don't ask too many questions, that is, in practice, they don't ask themselves why I don't have a girlfriend, and for someone like me, who lives for sport, a more or less acceptable motivation is easy to find. For me the smile of a guy is something that has an enormous value. 

Some afternoon, when I’m a little freer, I go to train an athletic sports group, made up of university students, I’m fine with them, I do sports with them, I shower with them, I am the coach, but basically we are the same age and I feel like one of them. I’m not looking for sexual involvement, because I should find such things whenever I want and I don't even go spying on these guys to steal their intimacy. Indeed, this is something that I thought about for a while, but today it seems to me really meaningless. It is as if the guys of the sports groups made up my private family, with them there is a small piece of life in common. They are not always the same guys, it's true, but they are, all of them, excellent guys. I don't know if you have ever noticed it (if you have attended sports environments) but the guys who play sports have something special and not only on a physical level, they are more direct, less hypocritical, more used to being together and to be a group. 

I have given myself rules to follow in my relationships with the guys, they may seem absurd rules but they are certainly useful: 1) never take initiatives, 2) demonstrate maximum availability if they ask me something, 3) accept a complementarity and marginal role in their life, because that role can really exist, and not expect anything else, 4) last but fundamental thing, never forget that 92% of them are straight guys. I happened twice to find myself in front of guys who seemed gay to me but they kept our relationship at the level of simple conversation and I did the same. The temptation was great, because one of them, in particular, was also a beautiful guy, who embodied my ideal as a beautiful guy, but everything remained on the level of not verified hypotheses and frankly I don't mind anymore. 

Last reflection (which coming by someone who has no experience, sounds somehow strange) I think that sex, even if it is, at least a bit, the underlying spring of getting in couple, doesn’t add much to loving each other (at this point I expect the exclamation: "Hypocrite!") and sex is also dangerous, not only for diseases, but because, after some time, it can be remembered as something negative, as a form of exploitation, as something done but not really wanted, or, worse, made in fact by mistake or boredom with a person who didn't deserve it at all. That's all, Project, what do I expect from you? Frankly, I don't know, maybe just a very straightforward answer.

Thanks for what you do, it's a really useful job and I add unique, on the net I have never found anything like it. I appreciate very much that all contents are downloadable for free and without registration, today it hardly ever happens! 

Laurence (invented name)

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  CHURCH AND HOMOSEXUALS: EVERYTHING AS BEFORE!
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 12-22-2019, 02:09 PM - Forum: Gays and religion - No Replies

Hi Project,
I'm a 22 year old guy, I recently started reading Gay Project forum and it seems to me a very interesting thing and above all linked to what being gay really means, because on the net you read stories of all kind, but 99% of such stories are ideological and completely invented . I noticed that, on the Forum, the articles dedicated to the relationship between religion and homosexuality stop after Bergoglio's early days. I also noticed that you have a certain sympathy for Pope Francis and treat him with a lot of indulgence compared to Ratzinger, not that I ever liked Ratzinger, because he wrote truly incredible things, inciting discrimination only on the basis of doctrinal preconceptions. But I don't want to talk about Bergoglio, otherwise I risk playing your game, or rather the game you play unknowingly, which aims to lighten the tone. I don't know what Pope Francis really thinks, undoubtedly he did not incite the crusade against gay people, but, let's be clear, in the church, about gay people, NOTHING has changed! There was the homophobia that remains even now as it was before, a little more protected and less heralded but NOTHING has changed. If being a believer means accepting all that the church says about sexuality, being a believer means giving up definitively your reasoning brain to follow the teachings of the church, even when they are clearly incompatible with a secular morality, that is, with a moral of freedom, minimal and indispensable. For the past 4 years, I have been a frequent visitor to the environments of my parish, well, I can tell you that I have come to the conclusion that a gay guy cannot pretend to share things that are clearly the opposite of reality. I occasionally read what Christian-inspired gay groups write and frankly I’m baffled. But how can they not open their eyes? And then the church never loved freedom. Today there is no witch hunt because there is a minimum of schooling and there is a minimum of secular morality, if it were not so, the witch hunt for this or that would exist as in past centuries. At first I used to get angry with the gay Catholic guys who do everything to hope for a hypothetical change of orientation by the church, but the fish are made to stay in the water, the skies and the earth are not for them and it is useless to try to teach fishes to fly because they will never succeed! Can one be a believer and at the same time maintain his freedom of conscience? Obviously not! When I read the Gospel it is all very simple and aims to a person's emotionality, but on this simple basis shareable also by a lay person, has been overlapped a whole doctrinal superstructure that ended up obscuring the underlying message. Project, why did you surrender to the beautiful words of Pope Francis? Do you really believe that something has changed or can change? I have stopped believing in it for a long time now.
That’s all. Obviously I think it would be better to publish my email, but I leave the ball to you.
L. N.

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  TO BE A GAY COUPLE OR NOT TO BE A GAY COUPLE? THAT IS THE QUESTION
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 12-21-2019, 03:02 AM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

Dear Project,

I skip pleasantries, I would like to ask you what you think of a problem that has been troubling me for some time and worries me  even presently. The Gospel says to forgive not up to seven times but up to seventy times seven, but that is something that only the saints can do because it’s very difficult. Forgiving always and in any case is very difficult, and in the life of a couple such a behavior may imply many risks up to the point of being a destructive error that hurts both the partners. 

In my case it is not a matter of forgiving a betrayal, because if you think of betraying me it means that you are not well with me, I’m referring to other things, usually considered small things, but these are things that in the long run become very difficult to bear, and here it is not the logic of betrayal the one that can be used, the behaviors that I cannot forgive don’t derive from the fact that my boyfriend doesn’t feel at ease with me, but essentially from the fact that I only have two alternatives when I think of him: or I must acknowledge that our relationship doesn’t go well and sooner or later it will come to an end, or I must end up accepting him in any case, also when he raises his voice, when he screams, and so on … he never raised his hands because otherwise I would have destroyed him and also because objectively he is not the type who does such things, but he is inconsistent, he says one thing and makes another, changes radically opinion two or three times a week on important things. I must clarify that I love him and that I think he’s a great person, with many problems, but a very good person. 

We don’t live together, he’s 31 and I’m 36. He’s not one who betrays the trust of his partner. When we were together and he wanted to be with another guy, he told me it clearly and I couldn’t but take note of it, then it is passed and we got back together. I think I'm not able to make him feel happy, we are very different in so many things. Our story as a couple started with sex, then it became a more complicated thing that I wouldn't know how to define. We know each other well, between us there is a deep affection and sometimes but rarely it shows to the surface. 

Sexual interest has largely vanished on both sides, but when there is a problem we always meet, discuss and talk about it, even if we lately can hardly get in touch more than once a month due to work and family problems. I don’t deny that my basic fear is that of losing him, I would like to maintain lasting contact with him, he can also live a sex life of his own, far from me, I understand it and accept it, but I would like him to love me anyway. I might not be his boyfriend anymore, but I would like him to continue to think of me as a proper person, a person who loved and also actually loves him. 

After all, what can I reproach him for? For his being too insistent or too detached depending on where his mood brings him? But it's not even his fault, he doesn't even realize these things. Would I have to reproach him because he's always giving me lessons about problems that according to him can be solved only in his own way (and are anyway problems he doesn't really have to face), but in reality can't at all be faced like he thinks? Would I reproach him for that bit of cynical attitude, or for his despising that romantic behavior that I would have liked so much? But in the end he is himself and I like him precisely because he’s not my double, he’s not condescending, he doesn’t admit that I'm right if he thinks I’m not. Yes, my real fear is that he may disappear from my life. I don't know if it will happen, I really hope not, but I think that our getting apart from each other has been going on for some time now. Could I reproach him for such a thing? 

What did I do to deserve a companion like him? And I say it in the good sense. Have I tried to support him? That is, to do what he wanted me to do? If I have to be honest to the end, sometimes I kept him at a distance because sometimes he seemed to me too intrusive. Should I have gone along with him following him in everything? Would it really have been the right choice? I confess that sometimes I was afraid of him, of his reactions, of his insistence. Fear is an inadequate word, I wanted above all to maintain my autonomy because I thought that our relationship would have been somehow impossible. I wasn't comfortable even when we used to meet one day a week, if we had gone to live together all the contradictions would have broken out. 

However, Project, even if in my own way, that is in a very strange way, I love him. What could I do for him? Could I really solve his contradictions? I think that in the long run I would be an extra problem for him. Now we talk once every 15 days and we meet almost never. When we see each other the embarrassment is very strong. I think he’s worried about the future, not about the future of our relationship but for his tomorrow, for the work that he cannot find, for the economic insecurities, basically for the project of his life. Now he’s more resistant to depression, or perhaps he just seems more resistant. 

I have known him for several years now, I wish he would not forget me, but I feel that he's already forgetting me or better I'm afraid of it, when I call him on the phone I’m afraid of bothering him, I would like to ask him to meet but I'm afraid he can say no and so I avoid. I never know what to do, how to behave. I would like to tell him "I love you" ... but in the end what does that mean? I love him and I think he loves me too, but it’s something strange and perhaps for him it no longer makes sense, admitted and not granted that it had had a meaning for him before. 

The fact is that we are complicated, I’m speaking about me too, I’m 36 years old but I feel like I was 60, I’m  inclined to renounce, I make stupid sermons about good feelings that hardly can exist and so I make him angry, because he doesn’t like such things, I mean chatting about such meaningless subjects. He considers me old inside, switched off, without enthusiasm, but when he’s dominated by his black moments of depression he really scares me, he closes up in himself and it's impossible to establish any contact with him. In short, I think you have more or less understood where I am in the ford. What would you do in my place? All hypotheses are open and possible.
I hug you.
Robert
_________
 
Dear Robert,

an adult relationship between adults is not a fairy tale and I would say that your relationship has the characteristics of complexity and contradiction of serious relationships. In fact, with all possible and imaginable doubts, you have remained "in some way" together. To love one another is often a very difficult road, full of doubts and uncertainties of every kind, because in reality no model can be followed and the relationship must be built in two, day after day. 

Only one thing came to my mind reading your mail, if I were in your place I would try to put the hesitations aside, I would tell him what I think without reticence, first of all that "I love you" that puts you in crisis, and then the many " I don't know what to do", I would tell him everything very simply because, if he didn't love you he would have disappeared in a definitive way long time ago and without coming back of any kind. 

Call him, let you be heard, let him at least trust you like a reliable friend, don't leave him alone. Very often we feel obliged to put ourselves aside taking for granted things that have nothing to do with reality. If he has no one and is really alone, your presence can be very important, if he has an alternative life, then he can anyway be pleased to know that one of his ex's remained his friend. 

And as for you, it's certainly better to have a clear view of things than turn endlessly around a thousand hypotheses. If you are really a couple, well there isn't any problem, otherwise you can go on being friends. You have maintained an understanding attitude towards your boyfriend and even towards his diversion with another guy. You aren’t reproaching him for anything, on the contrary you worry about him, you love him. If you don't love a guy, you don't worry about how he can feel. In other words, don't devalue your relationship under any circumstances because, whatever it is, it's still a serious and important thing for both.
A hug.
Project

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  PROBLEMS OF A 19-YEAR-OLD GAY GUY
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 12-12-2019, 09:24 PM - Forum: Gay guys - No Replies

Hello Project,
I’m a 19-year-old guy, unfortunately many problems you talk about in the manual Being Gay (which I read avidly anyway) are still very far from me, those are things that I can only dream about but I see nevertheless impossible in practice now, before considering such arguments I have to be economically independent and also able to go away from my home. My biggest problem at the moment consists in getting away from my parents who are also young (47 and 44) but they think they can manage my life according to their thoughts and  purposes, they consider such proceeding as something obvious and natural, and take it for granted. 

This year I have to graduate from high school, I have been always good at school but once away from school I don't want to stay in my city anymore for any reason. But there is a problem: I live in a big city where there is a university that has practically all the faculties and therefore it becomes difficult to make a choice that can take me away from home, and anyway I don't want to go to a nearby city maybe 50 km from home to go back and forth every day without being able to really get away from home. I had thought of going to Naples or Venice, and in the end it wouldn't even matter to me in which faculty, because now I’m focusing essentially on how I can get away from home. I had also thought of a scientific faculty with limited access, which I wouldn't dislike at all, I had also thought of the Academy of Fine Arts, but even if art fascinates me, I can't even hold a pencil in my hand. I exclude altogether some faculties, like human sciences and philosophy or law, while I would like political science. I’m still very confused because I have to make a choice that can take me away from home rather than a simple choose of the faculty. 

My parents don't know anything about me, think, Project, that I have two smartphones, the official one, which I leave around quietly and the private one that no one has ever seen and that has a ringtone constantly set at zero and is kept in the case of a programmable calculator. My home computer has no password because there is nothing risky inside. My parents think that I have not yet discovered sex because I don't have a girlfriend, for them gays are not normal people, they imagine them as green men or zombies gone mad with sex. I'm a normal guy from every point of view, except one, so I can't be gay, because I'm not green, I don't use drugs and I don't jump on the guys on the street. 

My parents are both graduates but in certain things they are at unimaginable levels of ignorance: they confuse gays and trans, and even gays and pedophiles, and this makes me very angry, and they talk about these things as if they knew everything about sex, while I have to act the role of the indifferent and have to be careful to act well such role. No gay books at home, of course, my whole gay world is virtual and online. 

I won't tell you about school, which is not a bad environment from other points of view, but for me it's like being in a cage: it's full of guys and there are super ones in every sense, but I can hardly exchange more than a few words with them. In my class (we are 24) 16 are girls, and my seven male companions, apart from the fact that they aren’t absolutely attractive on a physical level, they have little brains and little character, autonomy is useless for them, they have (practically all of them) a steady girl who is okay with their parents and probably chosen by parents themselves, oh well, I'll never understand things like that! Are there gays in my school? I don't know, of course 95% are explicitly straight and the remaining 5% seem to have no sexual interest and in that 5% many are or perhaps pretend to be homophobic. 

Even for this I dream of the university: more freedom, more contacts with the guys, more chance of having a life of my own, without intrusions and without people shooting judgments every 5 minutes. I dream of the university because I can't stand my father who wants to appear like a master of everything, even of sex, and he chases me without giving me respite, as an unwelcome adviser, thinking he is a modern parent, he doesn't even notice that certain ways of doing for me are repulsive and that I have to endure him just because I can't send him to that country … you know where. My mother always repeats the same things: that behind a good king there is always a good queen, that certain things can only be understood by women (and I never understood what she was talking about), and furthermore my mother is a teacher and tries to be a teacher even at home, she asks me questions, asks me things about history and literature, as if I were a student of hers, sometimes I was upset when I didn't know how to answer, now I look at her with eyes full of pity, as if for tell her: "That's enough! Still repeating this music? "
 
Then there is the sex chapter. At my house, when we are all the three of us (I'm an only child! Another of my fortunes!) Even the word sex is taboo, when my mother is not there, my father begins to bother me showing ways of doing so slimy and insinuating that make him, if possible, more odious than usual. The only thing that pleases me is that he only speaks to me of girls, a sign that maybe he thinks I'm repressed or frustrated but always straight. This regards my parents, then there is masturbation which is no longer a problem but before, when I was attending church with my parents, it had become a real obsession, but now with the church I have closed and I have no more problems in that particular field, I do what I like and that's all, anyway I have to be very careful inside my house, because there are no keys on the doors and my mother in particular walks with a step so light (like a spy!) that usually I can't even perceive that maybe she's about to enter the room. 

I use porn videos and I'm not ashamed to say it, because I think all the guys do the same, it's not something that excites me too much, I'd rather have a boyfriend a thousand times and not just for sex but to be myself, and instead I have to  limit myself to videos. I tried those famous applications that everyone knows by now and that many use but, apart from the fact that to meet a real guy you should have an extremely large autonomy than the one I have, I must say that I almost immediately stopped using those applications, first of all because anyway they put at risk my privacy to which I don't want to give up for any reason, and then because from the few experiences of contacts with people found through the app I was really baffled. There are people who after you talk to them once, tell you that they fell in love with you, there are people who the first time you talk to them want to know if you do this or that, there are married people (and they are so many) who doesn't even tell you that they are married, but you get there through small spy elements that come out of the conversation anyway, and I must add another thing very spread, many people lie about their age, they say they are 25 year old while they are 55. 

What amazes me is that in practice it is not possible to make a speech "normal" that is not all centered only on sex, many think that two gay guys can only talk about sex, I understand that they are on the app for this but it still seems to me a discourse too simplistic. Until today I have never had sexual experiences and until I find a serious guy with whom to build a true relationship, well, I prefer videos, which at least are not at risk neither for privacy nor for diseases. I would like to have a true gay guy to love, even sexually, obviously, but to love, I would like a guy in order to build a life project together, but at the moment there is nothing like it in sight. I really like Gay Project because in the guys' e-mails there are ideas that are not very far from mine and also in the e-mails of older men, that is, they look like adult men able to use brain, what is not so common. 

I never really fell in love with a guy, only attraction sometimes, but it's a different thing, all individual, but to fall in love with a guy you really need to know him. I have very few friends, in practice if we talk about real friends I can say only one, but he's straight and I have no doubts about this, I took a half crush for him, but then it passed. I thought about telling him about me, but then what for? I mean, in the end I didn't tell him anything also because in a few months we won't see each other anymore, at least if I can go to another city for university. With the girls I'm rather grumpy, because I have to keep them at a distance. I could very well go out with a girl but for me she would be just a friend and I don't really want to take the risk that she might see a possible boyfriend in me, because my own affairs I want them to remain only mine. 

It is said: better alone than badly accompanied, and this applies to both boys and girls. In practice this is all. My priority now is to choose the faculty and leave home as soon as possible. Then I will study to the utmost to build a life that is totally mine, as always, as soon as possible. I don't hate my parents but I want to build my life on my own without being accountable to anyone, not even to them.

Project, if you want, put this e-mail in the forum. I would like you to answer me in private, but I want to go on step by step, without running too much. Thanks for what you do.
Max

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  GAY COUPLE AND SEX IN CHAT
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 12-08-2019, 03:11 PM - Forum: Gays and sex - No Replies

Hallo Project,
I would like to talk to you about an unpleasant fact that happened to me yesterday morning and that left me baffled. A premise is needed. I'm 32 years old, my boyfriend is 30, we've been together for a few years, since he wasn't 26 yet, he's now abroad for work, he left almost eight months ago, but he won't stay forever abroad, at the most in 18 months he will come back to Italy and we will resume living together. I have never had serious problems with my boyfriend, we get along well and between us  there has always been a great sexual understanding, neither he nor I have ever thought of other adventures and all this not for a form of loyalty almost contractually provided, but simply because we were well together. 

I'm not what you could say a nice guy, I'm passable, but nothing more, instead he has always been a very beautiful guy, when we met he was so much  beautiful that falling in love with him has been for me the classic love at first sight. Now that he is abroad, we hear each other on the phone or on Skype or late at night or early in the morning, so as not to interfere with his working hours, we also see each other on video chat on Skype and you can imagine what happens. In this way I also feel reassured and I realize that his interest in me has not diminished, that is, in practice, that he has not fallen in love with another guy. You could also tell me that such things are a bit strange, but I think they are a way of making the other understand that your desire has not diminished, in short, a way of keeping the couple's relationship alive even on a sexual level. It is not a show of convenience either on his part or on my part, it is a way, as you say, of continuing to share our own intimacy and basically it is a tender thing and by no means trivial.
 
Now I come to the point, in short, yesterday morning we saw each other on video chat as happens in practice on Saturdays, Sundays and Wednesdays, but, for the first time and completely unexpectedly I was not able to reach the end, he instead he succeeded easily. I can tell you that I felt terrible, because I really didn't expect it, it had never happened before and I hadn't used videos in the previous days (you understand what for), so I expected everything to work at best, as it usually happens. He neither dramatized nor emphasized it, he only said that sometimes it happens, but then he had some appointments, he rearranged himself, greeted me and left. I didn't have the impression that he was upset or perplexed, it all seemed almost normal, but for me it was a disappointing experience (not his fault of course), that is, I think I had disappointed him. 

A thousand thoughts that I think are objectively very stupid have started to flow through my head. I noticed that he has a bit of belly, which I had never noticed before, that he tends to gain weight a little, but I think I've noticed these things for quite some time. He is and remains a very handsome guy, I think of him sexually several times a day and I wait for our meetings in chat. In short, Project, I can't find reasons for what happened and the brain is starting to turn around such things with a little too much insistence. Now I’m afraid to contact him again, I wouldn’t stress too much what has happened but I would also like him to understand that my interest has not changed in any way, that I want him and above all that I love him. I don't know what he may have felt, I can't imagine it. 

However in the afternoon I tried to see if the problem was over, I was curious to see what would have happened and everything went well, I arrived to the end and it was enough for me to imagine him in front of me doing what I was doing. But then in the evening I didn't call him, and it was Saturday and on Saturday evenings I usually call him, and he didn't call me and I felt terrible. Only around two in the morning he called me, so with great delay, and he wanted us to switch to one of our usual sessions on Skype but I told him that I didn't feel it, he tried to insist but I cut it short and told him no and I think I did very badly. Project, I know, I'm becoming obsessed with this thing. Now I have to wait for Wednesday.
 
Hello Project,
I wrote you the email I quoted above but I didn't send it to you, I was very depressed and I didn't know what to expect, but then he called me early this morning, before six, and told me he had almost three hours free " for me "and we went on skype, I told him about that bit of belly and he replied: "You're right, I'll try to go on a diet" then he said that I was struggling with stupid things and he told me I shouldn't be afraid of anything because he can't wait to return to Italy to cuddle me properly. Then we started talking about sex and you can imagine the rest and everything went very well, finally he said to me: "Have you seen?" Then he put the cam on so that I could see him while he dressed to go out and said: "I’m going to meet a girl and she’s also pretty! In my opinion she has something in mind about me ... " but then he concluded: "But I’m fixed with you!" He sent me a kiss and we said goodbye. Project, I feel happy, having a guy like him is a bit like a lightning rod against all melancholy and nonsense. I don't understand how someone like him can feel in love with me, but it happens! I feel so lucky!

I embrace you, Project, and of course you can use the emails as you like better.

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  A GAY COUPLE AFTER 12 YEARS
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 12-08-2019, 12:42 AM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

Hi Project,

I'm in a strange state of mind, I still don't feel old, even though I'm 35 and for so many things it's starting to be late. Now I’m alone, I have been alone for months, nothing destructive has happened, simply my boyfriend, slowly he has gone on his way, everything has happened imperceptibly, we have reduced our meetings until we have seen them almost completely vanish, maybe it might make sense to try to contact him again because I don't think he has any other stories, but in the end if he doesn't feel like building anything (and I too don't feel like it) maybe it's better everything to finish or better remain so. 

Now I spend my days at home doing nothing. When I come back from work I have a long evening ahead of me that I don't know how to spend. It's winter and here, in the middle of the mountains, it's very cold. Who lives in the city can see friends, can go around, but those who live in small countries, like mine, can only contact people on the internet, or can read or listen to music. Here it began to snow, it's a beautiful thing but also very melancholy. 

I often think of my boyfriend, I don't even know if he is still my boyfriend or he has found another guy. I hope he can be happy, because he is a good guy and he loved me. He is now 31 years old and we have known each other since he was 19. Being with him was beautiful, I learned so much about life and its problems, I also learned a lot about sex, which before I considered something much more stupid but between us it had a really huge importance. 

I had had some little sexual experiences even before I met him, but I never thought that sex could be really important. With him it was different, he opened my eyes, he made me understand what it means to embrace a guy who really wants to be with you, who is comfortable with you, who considers you a good person and who trusts you. I was very conditioned by my education, I was ashamed to show myself naked, but with him it never happened. His sexual behavior was so immediate and uninhibited, and at the same time never invasive or excessive, that I never felt the least embarrassment with him, precisely because he didn't feel it. He didn't feel judged by me, he knew I loved him, there was total confidence between us. I would say that this was perhaps the most beautiful aspect of our relationship: to say everything, to trust one another. 

It seems almost strange that I make these speeches now that he is no longer my boyfriend, but the esteem remains even if there is no longer a relationship between us. I consider him the best guy I met, the most sincere, the most honest and also the one who put me in the most crisis, which made me feel worse when I saw that he was sick, he prevented me from acting and forced to be what I really am. 

Today I don't feel the need to be with another guy, if I met one, I would probably compare that guy to him and I think it would be very difficult to find someone like him. He has his fixed ideas, which are neither few nor small, even in sex, and at first I was scared, then I started to get used to it and the problems became smaller and smaller, until they disappeared at all. In practice we grew up together, he is four years younger than me but there was complicity from the beginning. 

When I met him I never thought he would become my boyfriend, it seemed like an impossible dream and instead it happened and it happened above all on his own initiative, I tried to get away but he wouldn't let me to. He told me several times that when he had sex with me he was fine because I didn't expect anything from him, I was there when he needed it but I left him free. I thought that over the years something would change and it happened, but understanding each other, loving each other didn't vanish, we're still us, or at least I think so. 

We meet very rarely, but when I call him I know he likes it. We are no longer kids, we are two adult men who respect and trust each other. I know well that he is there even if I see him very little, I know that if it were necessary he would be there anyway, and I think this is a way to love each other.

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  GAY EXPERIENCES: HE WAS DIFFERENT
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 12-05-2019, 02:28 AM - Forum: True gay stories - No Replies

Hi Project,
I'm an ordinary man in my forties and I'm bursting, not for reasons related to homosexuality but for work reasons. I feel frustrated, humiliated, reduced to living a life that I don’t like at all, in the midst of people who believe they are God. I end up harboring a deep hatred towards the world and towards life, I wonder what I was born to do, because my life is disgusting. 

With my parents I cut bridges many years ago, luckily I work and I’m self-sufficient but I do a job I hate and I have to do forcedly in order not to have to go back to my family at 40. I could say that I’m a failure from many points of view: I don't have a boyfriend, I have no real friends, only colleagues I can't stand, and masters (because they are) who clean their shoes using me like a mat. 

Some time ago I had taken a minimal initiative for the company, but the owner's sons put me in ridicule and made everything to ruin my project then claimed that it was my fault, but they are the owner's sons and I'm just a poor man who absolutely needs to work. Obviously in a situation like mine there is no private life, that is, no affective life, and then which guy would get together with someone like me? 

There was a guy with whom something different seemed to exist, he scolded me, he was almost aggressive towards me, but for a good purpose, there was a basic respect, perhaps because he too felt he was a failed guy. That was the only guy that I didn't immediately reject, I felt him, after all, profoundly similar, however, Project, in the end he too went away, maybe somehow he too loved me, but nevertheless he left. I rarely hear from him, even if when it happens it is never in a formal way, between us there is still something to be said but obviously each one goes his way and I don't know how much his life is better than mine. 

For the rest it is pitch dark. ZERO job prospects! ZERO emotional life ... the future is this: if it goes well I go on like this, if I lose my job I have to go back to my parents' house and the thing for me would be absolutely destructive, because now we feel yes and no at Easter and at Christmas. Note, Project, that my parents aren’t starving like me, if I stayed with them, if I married, etc. etc., I would have had a more than decent level of life, but I was gay and these perspectives were not for me, talking to them openly would have been like accepting to become the object of their commiseration, which should not happen for any reason, if one has a dignity. 

I didn't live any gay life, because I didn't live any life at any level, It is not a matter of choices! Everything is already planned and you can only go on, and then, Project, at 40 where do you want me to go? We are already in the process of liquidation due to closure of the financial year and the balance sheet is what it is: a failure! 

Of the guy I told you about, I have a good memory, maybe even too good compared to reality, with him maybe I would have been happy, or maybe not, I don't know, but with him I never felt the feeling of rejection that I felt with the others. Basically I'm glad I didn't ruin his life, because if he had been with me I think I would have anguished him with my problems, I don't know anything about him now, I could call him, what would it be for? He too could call me and he doesn’t, this is a sign that I have passed into oblivion. 

That guy had a characteristic that I greatly appreciated, he spoke clearly, even brutally, but he told me what he thought and among the things he told me there was also that he was not in love with me, sometimes he wrote to me. "I love you." But it was a different thing, it was a form of respect, but he would never have wanted to be with me as a couple. He never deluded me. However, he too is a closed chapter, a chapter of the past, a somehow positive memory, not just another nightmare, but now only a memory. Hoping for more would be foolish. 

I didn't meet bad gays, they were just very different from me with a thousand problems in their heads to which I wouldn’t have given the least weight, between us there was no dialogue and it was immediately clear. Sometimes I would have liked to find a friend, even only a friend, but a true friend, and instead I found people who just wanted sex and when I abandoned them there with the mouth dry, they remained stunned and addressed me with a lot of insults. Apart from that guy I didn't find anyone decent, he was different, but in the end he too left.

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