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LET YOUR GAY BUDDY GO
Forum: Gay couples
Last Post: gayprojectforum
Yesterday, 02:04 PM
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TWO ARCHIVED GAY COHABITA...
Forum: Gay couples
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05-08-2022, 05:53 PM
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SWAN SONG OF A GAY RELATI...
Forum: Gay couples
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05-04-2022, 10:19 PM
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A HAPPY GAY MAN
Forum: Gay couples
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02-21-2022, 11:35 PM
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GAY COUPLES AND TENDERNES...
Forum: Gay couples
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12-15-2021, 11:40 PM
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GAY COUPLES AND POLYGAMY
Forum: Gays and sex
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11-22-2021, 11:40 PM
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GAY COUPLES IN BED WITH O...
Forum: Gay couples
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10-31-2021, 10:47 PM
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A SECOND CHOICE GAY COUPL...
Forum: Gay couples
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10-04-2021, 12:00 PM
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GAYS AND STRAIGHT FRIENDS
Forum: True gay stories
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10-02-2021, 12:38 PM
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GAY DISAFFECTION
Forum: Gay couples
Last Post: gayprojectforum
09-29-2021, 05:45 PM
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  LET YOUR GAY BUDDY GO
Posted by: gayprojectforum - Yesterday, 02:04 PM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

Following recent contacts through the Gay Project, I think it is useful to study a specific issue and that is the opportunity-need to let go of one's partner when the life of a gay couple becomes problematic and loses the initial enthusiasm.
 
Gay couples, like all couples, are often born with illusory enthusiasms which then, little by little, are resized in comparison with reality. The mythical atmosphere of falling in love, often not really symmetrical, slowly fades away and habit becomes one of the most important glues of the couple's life, if not the only one. In this situation it often happens that one of the two partners starts to perceive that there is something wrong, while the other continues to lull himself into his own illusions. Thus a state of tension arises within the couple because one of the two either already feels outside the couple or feels tied to his partner substantially out of habit or, perhaps, experiences the couple bond as a very tenuous bond.
 
The first signs of these forms of asymmetry and internal tension in the couple are manifested in the reducing of the encounters, if the two partners do not live together, or in the progressive formalization of the relationship, if there is coexistence. These new situations, which seem obvious to the most unmotivated partner, are experienced by the other partner as the prelude to a possible abandonment, which creates anxiety and raises a thousand questions to which, however, the most motivated partner tends to give all possible answers, even blaming himself, but avoiding in any case to take into consideration the idea that the discomfort derives precisely from a wearing down of the couple's life. In this way, while the requests for more contact are made more frequent by the more motivated partner, the needs for autonomy are perceived more and more strongly by his partner. One of the two tends to break away, while the other tends to strengthen the couple's bond. Obviously the dialogue collapses to a minimum and the feeling of discomfort increases on both sides.
 
The vocabulary of love and falling in love is often used to cover situations of possessiveness or even, more trivially, of convenience, in this way the real motivations that lead to life as a couple are concealed under the cover of a love discourse that appears more ennobling. In these situations, the possessive partner (I am not deliberately speaking here of a "more motivated" partner) tries to claim and exercise his possession of the other by oscillating between attitudes of pretension and threat and attitudes of victimization and supplication, things that, in similar situations are both decidedly inopportune. At the base of these attitudes of the possessive partner there is the idea, and I would say above all the assumption and the illusion, of being able to manage the relationship, because the other is seen as an actor who can only be “docile” in the hands of the director. This is obviously is very far from the reality. The life of a couple is by its nature a relationship with two protagonists who must find a dynamic balance between them, the exact opposite of habit; when, for whatever reason, this equilibrium is broken, it must be acknowledged and attempting to strengthen the relationship is in any case counterproductive.
 
The idea of letting go of your partner may seem like nothing more than accepting the failure of the relationship. Obviously, if behind the expression "letting the partner go" hides a powerful charge of rancor, a desire for domination, if not revenge, the idea of letting go of your partner takes on a sanctioning and substantially negative color, but this is not the meaning of "letting go of your partner" I intend to refer to. Letting go of your partner means giving him back his freedom, removing possessive and contractual attitudes, with a gesture of respect and affection, certainly not to deprive him of our affection, but to make him understand that our affection is unconditional. A free man also has a free mind and is more capable of looking within himself. Real, important relationships, intended to last, they are not strengthened by promises or by the presumption that they must create bonds but by the fact that you choose freely and stay together and that you feel free even in the couple relationship, which should be a relationship of love, not a contractual obligation. A free, unconditioned relationship is accepted with another spirit, it is based on a sense of tenderness, mutual affection, respect, attention to the needs of the other, presupposes listening, an ability and a willingness to understand the other in the complexity of his personality and in his contradictions, it presupposes a profound affective dimension capable of overcoming selfish impulses.
 
If a relationship is genuinely emotional, it can face moments of uncertainty, and those moments are overcome because the couple's life is not seen as an area in which one must prevail but rather as the place par excellence where one can have the pleasure of giving in.
 
Letting go of your partner is the exact opposite of a showdown, it is not a moment of vindication but of recognition of the freedom of the other and, in some cases, even of his right to make mistakes. Relationships between couples worsen when possessiveness dominates the scene, when the discourse is no longer a love discourse but a comparison of abstract positions, of assumptions of principle, I would almost say of philosophies of life. It is in these moments that you have to let your partner go, not to push him away but to set him free. The resentment that unfortunately conditions many failures of emotional life is measured through selective memory. A rancorous individual remembers only negative speeches and attitudes, attacks of his partner to highlight his contradictions, reproaches him, judges him.
 
When you let go of your partner, never slam the door but always leave it open, it must not be a closure and least of all a definitive closure but the recognition of the freedom of the other, the possibility of going back must be always unconditional. It often happens in moments of crisis to feel almost exploited and manipulated. When this happens it is good to ask ourselves if we have really done everything for the good of the other or if, in some way, we have been the first to try to exploit and manipulate our partner trying to make him more like us. The similarities between two people can be profound but they are never such as to cancel the differences. The other, even if very similar, is always another person and any attempt to change him is basically a rejection of his way of being.
 
Couple relationships have an evolution, it is also possible to realize that what appeared as a couple relationship was actually something completely different. Unfortunately it is not easy to recognize situations of this type, but it is precisely in these cases that restoring freedom to our partner becomes particularly urgent. There may have been mistakes on both sides and  going  each one his own way can be fundamental and liberating for both, but the respect for the other and his particularities must be absolute, especially when partners separate. If a relationship ends, it does not mean that it cannot start again later even in another form. In emotional relationships, definitive closures are rare even in truly critical situations.
 
In a relationship, if something doesn't work out, the fault is never on one side alone. This common sense principle helps to prevent judge-like attitudes and to keep the door open to the future, whatever it may be.

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  TWO ARCHIVED GAY COHABITATIONS
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 05-08-2022, 05:53 PM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

Hi Project,
I've been following Gay Project for some years and I decided to have my say on gay couples. It is a field in which I have some experience, I have had two experiences of living together with guys with whom, after all, I have not been bad, but in both cases it all ended in nothing, not for betrayal or anything like that but for tiredness, for different points of view and because in fact it was all too standard, too politically correct to be credible. In practice, we start from the "very wrong" idea that we must necessarily live as a couple and in the name of this idea we start looking for the ideal guy who will change our lives. The desire to see this dream come true, or better this myth, is such that we throw ourselves headlong if not immediately into the first, at least into the second story that happens to us. 

We cover our eyes with slices of ham so as not to see even evident realities and we go on building fables, we follow all the so-called classic plots of the love stories we see in the cinema: sms galore, little gifts, sweet words more and more demanding, celebrations of anniversaries, such as Valentine's Day and the like, which should be very important but are not at all, in practice we go far beyond the reality of feelings and recite the script as something real, we enter the part of the lover, and so we go from simple acquaintance to an acquaintance with a little sex, and then, and here comes the worst, to the idea of coexistence, which seems the natural development of our love story, according to the theorem: "if when I am with him once a month I am fine, if I am with him every day 24 hours a day, I will be extraordinarily happy!" But here we must remember that feelings are like medicines, they must be taken in the right dose, otherwise the side effects outweigh the benefits. Everything risks becoming trivial if it becomes daily and ritual, and this also applies to sex which, when it becomes too frequent, becomes a trivial thing that must be done because we did it until yesterday, and which can even become a duty not likely to be appreciated only for the fact that it is required as a must by the time schedule of the day. I say this from experience because it happened to me.
 
Sometimes, when I hear people telling stories about sublime feelings, I get hives, because in my experience, where, I don’t deny it, feelings, somehow, were real, however, there was anyhow no lack of underlining, little selfishness, stressed distinctions publicly showed  just to point out that my partners disagreed with me, and there was also a lot of meanness about minimal things like as to who has to pay the bill at the bar. In the end, living together seemed more like an utility agreement between two students sharing an apartment who have to share the expenses, than a life choice made consciously by two people who love each other. After all, Mattia and Steven were good guys, I don't hate them at all, I respect them and in a sense I also love them, but there is no need to live together. 

And then being in a steady couple also becomes constricting. The heart of the matter is not the freedom about finding another guy or just a little bit of sex as a pastime, the freedom that is missing in a close relationship is almost always about much more basic things: going out with your friends, without taking your boyfriend with you, or staying at home if he wants to go one evening with his friends. I mean, friends don't have to be in common. And then, living together, the defects of people become evident, I mean your own defects and those of others too, like disorder, poor hygiene, easy compliance with alcohol or smoking or even with sweets and foods that in the long run can lead to excess weight, and I'm not talking about worse things like drugs.
 
Last question, even if it is not the last in importance: coexistence is not just a couple problem but it is a social problem because it is visible. In living together with Steven, visibility had a particular and very conditioning aspect: his parents, who are certainly very tolerant towards homosexuality, thought, precisely by virtue of this, that they were authorized to meddle in our private affairs, more or less like they would have done if their son had fallen in love with a girl, and that bothered me enormously. Many gays consider it a decrease in freedom having to live their stories only privately, but those guys don’t understand that being in public can be very unpleasant, because there are so many nosy people! And even those who are not really nosy but are just friends of your partner, in the end they too end up meddling in your business, maybe they do it for a good purpose but still they do it and, you can tell me whatever you want, but being at the center of other people's chatter it is not pleasant anyway, and then they judge you with completely straight criteria, as if a straight couple and a gay couple were the same thing. 

In short, Mattia and Steven were (and still are) ok guys, but not even with them it was possible to create a stable coexistence, I can imagine what a cohabitation with problematic and in any case incompatible guys can be: we struggle a lot to build a pair relationship up with another guy and then, when things start to get heavy, we end up looking for all the means to be able to get rid of him. It happened to me too, it was not Mattia and Steven who were unbearable, but it was the 24/7 coexistence that made them unbearable for me. Now, with Steven, sometimes, we see each other again and sometimes there is even a little sex, but it happens if and when it happens, there is no script and, paradoxically, things are better now than when we lived together. It may be that I am the exception to all the rules, the pathological case that cannot be approved, but for me the coexistence chapter is really closed.

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  SWAN SONG OF A GAY RELATIONSHIP
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 05-04-2022, 10:19 PM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

Dear Project,
there are days when you have the impression that you have bet on the right things and you see that slowly problems begin being resolved, situations stabilize and true personal relationships are not contradicted, or so it seems. In my life I have had only one companion, only one true friend, only one partner, he has had and has actually also other gays, other friends, other partners, but I have always been there in his real world and not superficially, I consider this a certainty, but obviously in this world the certainties are however hypotheses. 

I have had guys who would have liked to be with me but I preferred to be with my friend, perhaps in a lesser tone, even when it was difficult, because I felt that there was something unique between us that would not fail, or at least I thought it would not fail. He wasn't simply a guy, he was the guy who had wanted me, who had searched for me, who had trusted me, who had taken me seriously. I have seen him cry many times, I have seen him go through moments of deep despair but I believed in him because he has never cheated me and because he is deeply honest, this, which may seem like little, I feel I can say with conviction. 

Now we are no longer kids, neither he nor I, and I see him, step by step, conquer everything that previously seemed very distant and almost a mirage. To say that I love him is an understatement and in some way sounds inappropriate. He is free, he is not bound to me but he knows that I love him and he treats me with affection, with respect, as only he knows how to do, even this might seem little but I think it is true. There is one thing, only one thing that does not allow me to say that I’m truly satisfied, at least as far as it is possible, and that puts me in crisis: when I look my partner in the eye, I see so much melancholy, even when we are together, even in moments when sex should take away the melancholies. Those melancholies are there and remain there despite a set of things that go well or at least seem to go well. 

I don't know if there will ever be someone capable of making him feel really good, that is, capable of dissolving that veil of melancholy that doesn’t go away. When I look into his eyes, I would very much like that melancholy not to exist but instead it exists and then I feel useless, it is as if I were playing a part that does not get to the heart of the problem anyway. At certain times I am afraid of being intrusive, of expecting too much, or at least of wanting to understand too much, I try to reduce him improperly to my categories, I see myself as from the outside and I feel detached because that veil of melancholy does not tear and behind that veil more rigid, more formal, more banal attitudes are built on both sides, which I feel as a devaluation of the meaning of what yet there has been, and perhaps a good part of it is still present, after all it is a way of renouncing to truly understand each other. 

Sometimes I think that other people could and maybe can do what I have not been able to do and I hope this actually happens. In that case I would not hesitate to put myself completely aside if he were oriented in this direction, it would not basically be a renunciation because it would mean that someone has managed to make him happy while I, with all my impulses, have not succeeded, that is I haven’t come to truly understand him. In certain cases, retiring in good order is a moral duty more than a sign of affection, it is certainly not him that I can blame for my failure, I respect him, I love him, but I know and I have always known that he has his own world and that that world could really make him feel good. I know practically nothing about that world, all in all I think it is a serious world, probably complicated, if not downright twisted, but certainly not superficial. I don't feel in conflict with that world because it will end up taking my partner away from me, deep down I always thought it would happen. 

I have to complete my part, however small it may be, because, despite doubts and insecurities, I want to leave at least one memory, I don't say positive, but at least not negative, or rather I just want to go out on tiptoe without causing damage, just fade away, I want to close a long parenthesis of life without tearing so that it remains a memory of it, I do not say good, but at least not negative. The symphony must be closed with a slow diminuendo, so imperceptible as to seem natural. I think this will be the best gift I can give him. The reason for this slow goodbye is not in anyone's power. Everything makes relative sense, even the best of things. Inability to communicate is a characteristic of human life that cannot be overcome, the claim to understand another person is precisely a claim that ultimately manifests itself for what it is. 

It is as if there was a destiny, as if everything was already written and ineluctable, you can live your part in a more or less participatory way, but you cannot change it. Facts have their own logic, beyond people. To love is only to seize the moment with the awareness that it is ephemeral. Loving a guy means understanding that you can only love him if you accept that he will not change your life, that he will go his way, that you will never fully understand him and that he will be another center of the world similar to yours only partially. All love is precarious and it must be understood before it ends up in order to consciously accept the course of events. Loves without illusions are always waiting for the conclusion that may never come, but must be lived with the awareness of an imminent conclusion. 

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  A HAPPY GAY MAN
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 02-21-2022, 11:35 PM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

Hi Project,
there are moments in life when you understand that your choices were the right ones and that you were right to follow your path, that is your instinct, to the end, without being distracted by anything or anyone. At nearly 40, I feel like a happy man. I've been in love with a guy for years, sometimes being near him kept me anxious, sometimes I didn't know what to do, but now, 15 years later, I think our story was not the fulfillment of my wishes but I would say a lot of more. He made me understand what it means to love each other. Lately our relationship is something indescribably beautiful, we love each other, between us there is an excellent sexual understanding, I never thought that such happiness could have been achieved. I've always been looking for guys, but it had never happened to me that someone really fell in love with me, that is, that he loved me as “he” did. My happiness is not my merit, I tried to escape, to get away, sometimes I did not understand him and I was almost afraid of him, but he has curbed my escapes with sweetness, he is a truly unique man, with a sweetness that displaces you, he is generous, when we are making love and he looks into my eyes I melt and I think I never imagined I could find someone like him. I had had other guys, but for both them and me it was a way to fill the time, it was a way to build a relationship because then I had the myth of the gay relationship and I had other myths of various kinds in mind too, in layman's terms, I didn't understand anything about love. I have my limits and my flaws, I've never been a nice guy, at best passable, normal, but nothing more, but he fell in love with me just the same. He understands me, he knows that I have my limits and he accepts them, when he is with me he is fine with me and I see it not only when we make love, but also when we talk about something else. He feels that I love him and there are moments of intense communication between us. When we met we both felt a powerful attraction made of sex but also of personal esteem, he seemed interested in me above all for sex, I, even if I tended to run away because I thought he would never take me seriously, I was strongly attracted to him because I saw that he instead took me seriously in an absolutely unique and special way, even if apparently everything seemed to be based on sex, besides, he was my ideal model of guy and I instinctively felt that I wouldn't want anyone else if I couldn't be with him. At first, being with him seemed like the classic pipe dream, because he's not only handsome, but he's sweet and he's a man, not a puppet, he has his own brain and soul that make you fall in love. I have always been in love with him, but at the beginning with some hesitation and anxiety, now instead I feel totally fulfilled, you know, precisely those things of physical instinct, when one strikes you deeply, because perhaps what amazed me most it was the fact that he was really attracted to me, and it was the first time I ever felt attracted to a guy who really wanted me. It was as if there was something between us that prevented any possible breakup of our relationship, whatever happened there could be a break but never a breakup. He never forgot about me, anyhow I always let him free and kept myself a bit on the sidelines, but he always looked for me. We have had our stories with other guys but none of these stories have ever really pushed us away from each other. Over the years, slowly and not without jolts, but progressively more and more seriously, I learned from him the value of sexuality, which I tended to belittle and he learned from me that saying "I love you" may not be a saying. We progressively adapted to each other, we learned from each other and we kept our relationship strong even in the difficult moments that were inevitable, because we both had other ideas on our minds at the time, then we did not have the perception that what held us together would become the determining force of our life. Then, month after month, and even day after day, so many other things that previously seemed fundamental vanished as our relationship strengthened because we realized how important we were to each other, that is because we realized the fact that relationships with other guys could falter and collapse, but our relationship would have remained strong and would never collapse because we really loved each other. I feel him extraordinarily close, being with him seems to me the most beautiful thing in the world. When he calls me I feel in Heaven just seeing his name on the smartphone screen, I feel happy just hearing his voice, when he comes to see me I feel transported into a dimension of total involvement and at the same time I don't feel anxiety but only a sense of gratification, because there is no longer the fear that something could go wrong, because now misunderstandings are a memory of the past that little by little has vanished into the mists of memory. Note that we are not dependent on each other, we are not attached like oysters to the rock, we are totally free, even if we love each other. Freedom and loving each other are two things that can coexist very well. Our love is not a kind of half loving each other. I am deeply in love with him, he does not use these words, but when we are together he feels totally involved, understood and accepted and I can see it clearly, he feels at ease, he does not play a script, now I am part of his daily life as he is part of mine, but this means that I consider him as a part of me and I see that I’m really important to him. At the beginnings, he did not like gestures of tenderness, or better he accepted them and perhaps he desired them but he didn’t like to put such gestures in practice himself, now he has learned to understand them and has developed his own non-verbal affective language. It is beautiful when, remaining silent, he looks me straight in the eye as if to say: "Come closer!" or, after sex, when he stays with his eyes closed and makes the gesture of sending me a kiss or when he stares at me, squints and laughs, or when he hugs me with all the strength he has. It is beautiful when he allows me to stroke his hair or squeeze his hands tightly. It is beautiful when he calls me to propose to meet at my house, basically to have sex together, and you feel that he is happy with my clear and always positive and indeed enthusiastic response. I trust him and he is totally aware of it, there is no need to even say it, he has never disappointed me and he has never told me one thing for another. I try to make him feel that I love him but he knows it very well. He is much taller and stronger than me but he is extremely delicate, when we shake hands he adjusts his strength to mine. In sex our mutual involvement is total, there is not  even the least embarrassment, everything is spontaneous, there is nothing due or taken for granted. When we are in bed together we don't talk, there is no need for words, we have our own language made up of minimal gestures. After sex we stay naked on the bed talking about other things and I see him calm, determined in his facing the future but not anxious, I see him operational, rational, capable of managing problems and also of giving me confidence, and he understands how much I need it. Our physical contact is not only sexual, we often caress and shake hands even as a simple gesture of tenderness. Between us we don't talk about the problems of everyday life, each of us handles his little problems as he wants, we talk about the more serious problems instead, but we don't talk about them obsessively, but generally we don't even need to talk, we sit on the sofa and stay hugging each other to feel each other's warmth and to caress each other, many times this way we get to sex but many times we don’t but we feel good anyway, I know that he is there and that he wants to be there and he has the same certainties about me. Even just five years ago, I would not have imagined our relationship developing up to this level. I wished that things could take this path but I still had doubts that it would actually happen. The past five years have been the real flowering of our relationship. I got rid of conditioning and preconceptions that held me back a lot and I saw that he was really happy, because in some way I too was making his dream come true. He radically changed my life, he was a ray of sunshine, a rush of spring that entered my world and transformed it into a beautiful world. I try to follow him, I take him as a model but above all I need his presence, I can't wait for him to call me and come to me. When I think the day is approaching, I polish the whole house, wax the floors, wash the window panes, iron the sheets and pillowcases and perfume them lightly, so that the day when he comes to me he can find everything perfect and in order. He encourages me not to let things go and to keep everything in order. My secret dream would be that he would stay at my house for one night, because that way he could feel my home a bit like his home, I would like to cook for him, let him find dinner ready when he gets back from work, but he lives far away and these things are difficult to put in practice. We are no longer boys and I am sorry but at 40 I can say that I am a happy man. 

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  GAY COUPLES AND TENDERNESS
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 12-15-2021, 11:40 PM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

A strange thing happened today. He calls me and asks me if I would like him to come over, which in other words is a proposal to have sex together. That's not the weird thing because it has been happening and also pretty regularly for years, the weird thing will be the way. I was dead tired, but I cannot deny that I missed his presence and I immediately said yes. In short, when I see his phone call appear on my smartphone ... well, let's say that it’s never indifferent to me, I’m pleased, but sometimes it makes me a little anxious, but lately the anxiety tends to disappear and the reaction is totally positive . Following the usual script, therefore, I knew more or less what I could expect, however pleasant things but with some doubts about how the evening would end, that is whether or not he would go away in a bad mood, as it had happened many times, not to say almost always, except perhaps in the very last period. On the phone he seemed to be in a pretty good mood and that encouraged me to say yes right away, and then I honestly missed him and had noticed several times during the day that he hadn't been in touch for almost two weeks now. He arrived after half an hour and was smiling, maybe not exactly smiling, but he seemed calm, he behaved with the utmost ease, because he knows my house very well, evidently he too felt reassured by me and by the fact that I immediately said yes. In fact, if I think about it, I must say that other times I have made too many stupid problems instead of saying yes right away and this must have been one of the most frequent causes that made him change his mood. Being answered evasively to a proposal to have some sex together must be really unpleasant, however this time it didn't happen. This time I was tired but very well disposed towards him, and in particular quite well disposed from our last meetings which I liked a lot and left a very positive impression on him too. In short, when he arrives, he immediately goes to the bedroom, undresses and gets under the covers, because it is actually cold in the room. I turn up the heat and go into bed too. We hug, naked against naked, is a very strong but above all very sweet sensation. I’m very impressed by that hug, because it’s very long and because it’s the first time we have hugged each other like this. In general, he doesn’t let himself go very easily to affectionate gestures of this type, then we move on, neither of us says a word but he is very sexually involved, which however, practically, almost always happens to him, after a while I begin to feel tired and I tell him that I need a break, he sits up in bed, meanwhile the air conditioner has warmed up the room a little and it is not as cold as before, I also sit in bed and ask him “How are you”, he replies: "Good." And I can see that it’s not a way of saying.
 
I take his hand and kiss it. Generally he doesn't like these gestures too much, but this time he accepts them, he has no comments, his eyes are a little red, then he closes his eyes and I lean resting my head on his shoulder. He asks me: "Would you like to continue?" He clearly refers to sex. I answer him: "Of course!" And I add that I had been waiting for his call and I wouldn't change him with anyone else in the world and that when he’s by me I feel happy, he says nothing, comes out of bed because it starts to be hot, he stretches on the blanket and I look at him … well, he's really very beautiful. I also go out of bed. I think maybe  in those moments some very emotional thought is crossing his mind, maybe he's thinking about people I don't know or I know only by name, or about some memories of when he was child or boy. I didn't ask him questions, I just told him he had wet eyes and he made a minimum smile, then he closed his eyes. After we finished having sex, usually, he looks at his cell phone to see what time it is and tells me that he has to go right away, this time it didn't happen, he took his cell phone, he looked at the time and said: "It's late but I don't feel like going away ..." I told him: "Then stay here and you’ll go tomorrow morning." He replied with a lift of eyelashes, he seemed quite possibilist, then he added: "No, tomorrow morning I must be at work very early, I really have to go home ...". But it was the first time ever that the idea that he could also sleep at my house crossed his mind. It was very late, much later than the other times, but he didn't go immediately anyway. I caressed him a lot, something he is beginning to understand, something that at first was totally out of his mind, he replied with a very light kiss, a gesture more hinted than done and told me: "Let me go otherwise I'm too late. ... when I’ll arrive at home I’ll send you an SMS so you don't worry." Even that of the SMS was an absolute novelty. In other moments, if I asked him a similar thing he would answer me that there was no need and it would be over, today he was he the one who proposed it. When he left I felt happy, not of the fact that he had left, it is obvious, but of all the evening spent together, it seemed like a dream, the realization of something I had wanted for years. I felt he was by me, close as it had never happened before. I felt more clear than usual that he also loves me, in fact I knew it, even if he has never been very expansive, but today I had the impression that he let himself go to some form of more spontaneous and free tenderness. When he was completely dressed to go away I watched him carefully and he was really beautiful and I felt in the seventh heaven because years ago I would never imagine an evening like today.
 
The man who loves me is the only man I have truly fallen in love with. With him I would never have tried anything, it seemed to me an absolutely unattainable goal, but he did it all. He understood that I would probably have run away and he prevented me, he had patience and above all he trusted me. Before knowing him I had other stories but with him it was different from the beginning, everything was much more problematic but also much more serious, when I met him, the 2.0 period of my life began, he put me in crisis but he loved me in another way, in his own way, of course, but he loved me on another level and above all he really cared about me, he never said it with words but showed it with deeds. He had to face my stupidity and my reluctance to believe that something really important could exist between us, he treated me as someone who really cares about him. It didn’t allow me to let my stupidity prevail, it broadened my horizons, it demolished my stupid myths, it made me grow, it made me understand that there were so many things that I judged but of which I understood absolutely nothing and this applies primarily to sex. Having sex with him was not a ritual, with the other guys it was all already codified, with him no, sometimes he displaced me, he gave me answers that made me freeze, they were moments that put me in crisis and that made me think I was inadequate, but all this left no trace. The next day he would call me with his way of being a bit brisk, to make sure I hadn't taken it too badly. Sometimes he would go through moments of deep crisis and he wanted reassurance from me and asked me to go and get him in the most incredible places and at the most incredible hours, and those were emotionally intense moments for him and for me. These are things that have not happened to me with anyone else, we probably had a deep need for each other, together we felt we were building a world capable of resisting everything. Now we talk little but not out of reticence, now we understand each other at the slightest hint, it wasn't always like this but now it is. Today I felt happy, I have not even the slightest fear of the future because he is here, for me it is a certainty, between us sex has a very particular meaning, it is something reassuring, and above all true, it has never been a game, but a form of dialogue, a way of understanding each other, at certain moments there are exchanges of glances that don’t need interpretation and that express feelings better than many words. Today, for me, the most beautiful thing was the after-sex, those twenty minutes in which you can say "I love you" maybe with other words and you feel happy because you just need to look into his eyes to understand that this expression has a value for him too. Today I tasted for the first time what living together with him could be, but there must be no pressure, because living together could also be destructive.
Today that's okay, because we really love each other. I must not want to take away his freedom, he must be free, without constraints of any kind. I feel him like my boyfriend, maybe it is not completely so, but this doesn't matter at all, we love each other and this is the only thing that matters. In certain moments I see that he is really happy to be with me and for me it’s a great satisfaction. If I hadn't known him, my life would have been much more empty. Today I can't conceive of a future without him, and I'm not even afraid of losing him. Years ago I had this fear, today no more, there is deep esteem between us, I don’t see him as a sexual partner, but in a sense just as a life partner, not a casual companion, but one who chose to stay with me, and for him it was an uphill choice, but he made it, he wanted to do it and he also led me to believe it possible. I know he won't go away and I know we won't get tired of each other. Today I experienced moments of profound serenity and I’m already waiting for when we will meet again.

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  GAY COUPLES AND POLYGAMY
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 11-22-2021, 11:40 PM - Forum: Gays and sex - No Replies

Hi Project,

I'm not doing well today. I haven't heard from Enzo (actually his name is Lorenzo) for more than 15 days . I'm not sad, basically I know that sooner or later I will heard from him again and I also know that now he has so many important things to think about, so many things that worry him and worry him a lot. When we don't hear from each other for days we don't even send text messages, it has always happened like this. I’m not sad and, in a sense at least, I’m not afraid of losing him, I know well that in a few days I’ll hear from him again, it has happened so dozens of times. I’m not doing well because our relationship is not enough for me. I love him, obviously in my own way, and I also feel quite reciprocated, but I would like more from him. I wouldn’t simply want more, in the sense that if I found someone capable of giving me what I would like, I would feel at ease, I would like more from him, from him and from no one else. First of all I would like him more present but I know that I could ask him anything but this. Would I like to change his character? Well, as in many important things you want everything and the opposite of everything, I would like him to be always exactly like he is, but I would also like him somehow different, I know it's a contradictory discourse, but that's what I think. His silences are often long and make me feel bad, but on the other hand I look for him very rarely, because I think he doesn't have to feel constrained in any way, I would like him to realize that I need him. I know that he only needs me sometimes, for the rest he must feel free and I don't have to ask him any questions and for sure I don't ask him anything, but when he needs me, he admits it even if this makes him feel weak. He treats me with respect and more than respect, but he’s careful to strongly emphasize his autonomy. I have asked myself many times what he really thinks of me, I think that overall his opinion is positive, even if sometimes he tries to widen the distances and certainly not to reduce them. On the other hand, I have always encouraged him to do so, that is, to feel totally autonomous. He is not my boyfriend, he has his own very complicated affective-sexual world, of which I’m a part too, it is that world that somehow gives him a push to make him go on, his wellbeing as well as his  feeling bad depend on that world. That world is the small nucleus of people who are important to him, I mean who are really important. With him concepts like boyfriend or couple are absolutely out of place, at the beginning he tried to adapt to it, but it was not for him, he lived it as a stretch, as an imposition. Enzo must be accepted as he is and I made my choice, because when he feels happy I feel happy too. He doesn’t think only of himself, he’s not at all selfish, if he cares about you, he really cares about it, but he doesn’t accept limitations to his freedom and wants to be accepted for what he really is, but when he esteems you and loves you he doesn’t let you go, he stays by you, he doesn't forget you, he considers you just like a part of his life, not an accessory or temporary element, he doesn't exclude you from anything, he trusts you. When we met, but not immediately, I began to understand his way of loving. At the beginning I felt terrible, I tried many times to cut ties with him but I never did it because he didn't let me, every time I tried and I started to give him my farewell speeches, to make him understand that I wanted to go away, he didn't stop me, he just said to me: "Okay ...", and he didn't seem upset in the least, then after a couple of weeks he would call me back as if absolutely nothing had happened, he was used to my goodbyes and didn't take them seriously, in reality they weren't goodbyes but a kind of periodic ritual confirmation and he had figured it out before I did. He never told me he wanted to get away from me. He never told me he was in love with me, but not even that he wanted to move away, he never made scenes of detachment, without saying too many words he simply assumed that there would be no detachment anyway. Even if in a limited way, he also talks to me a little about other people who are part of his very private world, to make me understand that that world exists, that he loves me, even if he doesn’t say so explicitly, but that world exists anyway and will not disappear, and obviously exclusivity is not part of his world. Before meeting him I had had other guys, a bit following the classic pattern of engagement and standard gay couple but it never worked, they said too many words, but I never came to understand what they really thought, they still acted on two levels, one of the things that can be said and another of those that cannot be said, and in the end I always found myself displaced because sooner or later something unexpected and unspoken came up, which was however decisive. It has never been like this with Enzo, he tells you everything, then leaves the decision to you, if you choose to stay with him you know there will be no surprises, that is, you know what you are going to encounter. At the beginning it is unsettling, because you cannot delude yourself and you must take note that the story will not be what you dreamed of, because at the beginning one has myths and fables of all kinds in his head, then you begin to understand the meaning of his way of being. I have understood for a long time that he cannot have an exclusive relationship with me, that is, I have understood that for him it is impossible, as far as I’m concerned, things are different, for me there is only Enzo, I would say I’m essentially monogamous, I want to be with him and in order to be with him I don't have to give up anything, he is naturally polygamous, accepting him it’s difficult but when you accept him you realize that it is a different balance but that it can work very well anyway. In his life I don’t feel marginal, I have a specific role and this fact has lasted for years, I understand if he is good or bad from the tone of his voice on the phone and when I understand that he is fine, I'm fine too, no matter why he is fine, he can also be fine because he made love in a satisfactory way with another guy, the important thing is that he is well, that his little world is capable of making him feel good. Enzo doesn’t act, he is simply himself. In the long run, this type of relationship is creating an almost family bond between us. Between us there is also sex, in appearance there is above all if not exclusively sex, but in reality sex is just a way to tell us that we love each other, or at least it is so for me, I tend to see him more as a brother than as a sexual partner. If there were no sex I would be sorry but I believe that, at least for me, nothing would collapse, however I think that sex is a very important component, because it was probably several times, at least at the beginning, the glue that prevented our relationship from dissolving. I have to say that the fact that he has sex with other guys creates two kinds of problems for me: first of all our sexual contacts are much less "technically sexual" than they were at the beginning, when he was trying to build a real couple relationship. This fact, paradoxical as it may seem, has caused a shift from technical sex to pampering, or rather from risky sex to pampering. Reducing, that is, practically eliminating risky behaviors was a decision that matured by itself, let's say that we both took it for granted and I think it is also a sign of common sense on the part of Enzo, who didn’t make problems. Psychologically, well, I can't deny it, but to think not only that he may have been in love with another guy in the past, but that he's presently in love with another guy, it embarrasses me a lot. I know his fantasies aren't all about me and that's not that easy to accept. Sometimes I imagine him in bed with another guy and such a thought upsets me a lot, but in the end this is his nature, if you want to be with Enzo it can only work if you accept that things are so, otherwise you have to find another guy who goes looking for the classic life as a gay couple, but you have to put Enzo apart. If I have to choose between Enzo and his polygamous relationships and another guy in a classic gay couple, well, I prefer to keep Enzo, because there is a real feeling with him. I have never felt betrayed by him, but by others I did. He doesn't use to make promises and speaks clearly, the others made fantastic promises but then the facts didn’t correspond to the words. We haven't spent years of life together, but we have lived through several significant moments of our lives together. I know very well that he will never be all mine but in the end that's not what matters, I remember seeing him in moments when he felt really terrible and really broken, now it's a long time that he's been all in all not so bad, now he makes plans and looks to the future with a positive outlook. Sometimes I think he will do great things, which are already beginning to materialize, and I’m afraid that he can go to work far away, this would be his realization but in a sense it would also be destructive for me and for that small world that is Enzo’s vital drive, and this scares me. Even if our relationship is partial, I wouldn’t want to lose him, I would really be sorry, my life would be much grayer and I think that for him too it would be a form of sudden and violent uprooting, but it is also true that there are trains and planes and that probably nothing would collapse, but that episodic contact that exists now would also be lost and it would be a blow to both of us. Our it’s a real, direct, personal contact, not via the internet. Falling in love is beautiful, but tremendously difficult.

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  GAY COUPLES IN BED WITH OR WITHOUT TROUSERS ON? – PRAISE OF MY GAY PARTNER
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 10-31-2021, 10:47 PM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

Dear Project,
you perhaps are wondering why I put a title on the email and why I didn’t write “praise of my boyfriend”. First of all because he doesn’t like to feel somebody’s boyfriend, then because he’s no longer a boy, he’s 43, and then because he deserves praise.

I have never had an easy character, I do a lot of small talk, I’m very picky, I split hairs but I always postpone decisions and I’m afraid of everything, that is, I prefer to avoid deciding when I can. I have to admit that there were some guys running after me, I mean they were pretty interested in me, actually those guys weren’t more than five or six, including those who passed like meteors, but of those few guys I always got tired after a short time and they left because they saw me faded and not very participatory. You can understand what real chances I had of finding a true boyfriend. In practice I probably was neither looking for a real boyfriend. I was not closed in principle to such things but they were only eventualities that I was not “concretely” looking for.

Then he enters my life, several years ago now. He’s two years younger than me, but he looks much younger. We know each other at university, we attend the same degree course but I’m in the third year and he has just enrolled. I had noticed him because he was really beautiful, or at least I liked him a lot, he had begun to chat with me, because usually, when you know nobody at all, you start to chat  with the guy who is just nearby, then those five minutes of chat became ten, then twenty, then I asked him where he lived and I told him that I would gladly accompany him home, he smiled at me and said “Thank you!” It all started like this, he didn’t live near the university and so we spent at least 20-25 minutes together every day.

He used to talk to me about his studies, what he wanted to do “when he grew up”, etc. etc., I, in turn, told him about the courses of the following years, the professors and the exams. We didn’t use to talk about personal things, but the habit of accompanying him home become a rule. We couldn’t study together because we had to attend courses of different years but we were fine together. The conversation between us was usually more meaningful for omissions than for admissions, we never talked about girls, what obviously was very significant. We certainly had something in common: never in the disco, we thought above all about studying and building a future, we both felt a certain impatience for our family environment, and above all we were well together.

We started seeing each other also on Sunday morning, officially for cultural reasons but basically just to be together. We were only together in the morning, then at lunchtime I would take him back home because we had to study in the afternoon. Between us a very particular exchange of smiles was very common, on Sunday mornings we played like two kids, we talked nonsense and laughed at everything. I remember that there was an advertising poster of the “consorcio” tuna that he read emphasizing the separation between  the words “con-socio” (that in Italian mean “with a mouse”), and started to laugh and the laughter became unstoppable!

Time passed, the situation was pleasant, very pleasant, but it did not evolve. Obviously I had done more than a little thought about him, but I had a thousand psychological problems, for me sex was just a matter of fantasy, I had the idea of being able to really try it but I rejected it with a lot of pseudo-arguments, from the fear of diseases, to the fact that I would have disappointed him, up to moral scruples of various kinds, a residue of my Catholic upbringing, in the sense that I thought that somehow having sex with him would have been a bit like making him have a negative experience, let's say how to dirty him a little etc. etc .. He, in theory, did not know that I was gay, as I did not know about him, we had never explicitly told about, but, after six months, only an idiot could have had doubts and I had them and I felt like an idiot.
 
I have begun to have doubts like Hamlet: do I tell him or do I not tell him? But I didn't tell him anyway. I didn't ask myself what he could think (which would have been the healthiest thing), I thought about what I could or could not do myself and that's it, but in this way the situation didn't go on. Then we started talking about things a little more personal and I started to be afraid that he was going to put me on the corner, but he didn't, he exposed himself first and told me a half story with a friend of his, who that did not even look at him, but that he liked a lot, in practice this was his coming out. In that situation it is obvious that you have to tell him about you too and I did and I said, "I've never been with a guy, but I guess I'm not ready for these things yet. "The morning ended just like all the previous Sundays, I accompanied him back home and we said goodbye, I noticed that this time we didn't shake hands, as we always did, but he smiled at me looking into my eyes and said: “Today I’m very happy” and I replied: “Me too”.

Project, at that point one would expect the story should go further, he probably expected it, but I would have gladly driven back, I would have liked to cancel that Sunday morning, because by now I had taken a step with no return and I would have liked not to have done it. It is paradoxical, you are finally in the condition that would lead you to have sex with the guy you dreamed of, because for me he was really at the top, the others were less than zero in comparison, and instead you are afraid and try to postpone, to take time, to avoid any decision. After all, it was he the one who had decided coming out, as usual I would not have done anything, and I wondered what I would have done if he had tried to take another step forward. Here the temptation was great, but so was the fear.

His attempts were very cautious and gradual. The first time he deliberately touched my hand to have a minimum of physical contact with me, I pulled it back, then he repeated the gesture and I let him do, I didn't know what to do, I wanted to go further but I also wanted to leave. I tried to explain, but he was perplexed, he didn't understand, my behavior seemed absolutely absurd to him, let's say pathological.

We both lived with our parents, so we couldn't see each other in the house and obviously, in the car, on Sunday mornings, we could get to hold hands a bit, which we had come to, not without stupid problems on my part and not without anger immediately suppressed on his part. Of course, however, we could not go beyond that level and I must say that this reassured me. I was very excited when I was with him, even just holding each other hands, and he was very excited too.

One Sunday he asks me if I would like to spend a weekend with him, I ask him if he means even sleeping together and he says yes, and I begin to procrastinate as usual, to not answer and pretend nothing is happening and to be distracted, he insists and I tell him I don't feel like it. He makes a face of disappointment and tells me: "Okay, I understand ..." opens the door of the car and leaves. I realize, years later, that he must have felt very discomforted and deceived, because in practice I had refused him. On the other hand, at first I felt like a great man, a moral hero who had said no to him because he really loved him, beyond sex! But then already after an hour I missed him very much, I thought he would never look me in the face again. I was aware  that perhaps not only I had not done anything good for him but I had offended him in a very profound way. But even in this situation I didn't pick up the phone to tell him how I felt, I kept for myself my discomfort and also my "moral" satisfaction of having done it for him and I didn't think about how he could really feel. The next day I go to class, but I take a different tour of the corridors so as not to pass in front of the classroom where he attends lessons. At the end of the last hour of class I find him in front of the door as usual, as if nothing had happened between us, he doesn't mention that in the morning I didn't come to greet him as usual, everything happens as if the previous Sunday nothing had happened, but he is not acting, it seems that the anger has passed. Our life proceeds as before, I think in the meantime that I have not lost him, and it reassures me a lot, and that perhaps he has accepted the idea that sex for the moment is to be put aside.

A couple of weeks later, he tells me that the family has a little house in the mountains where nobody ever goes and that we could go there on a Sunday, then he looks me in the face and says: "I will not jump on you! don't worry!" I tell him that we can also talk about it. He wants to get me to say that it's okay for me also for the following Sunday, but I start again with hesitations and stupid speeches and he says to me: “But why do you always have to ruin everything? What are you afraid of? I don't infect you with diseases, I've never been with anyone, really never. " I keep beating around the bush and he gets out of the car and drives off on foot without saying goodbye.

Again I feel bad, but then in the end, for the second time, I console myself and tell myself that I do it anyway for his good and that I have to put aside the melancholies. The next day, I pass in front of his classroom and greet him as if nothing had happened, he looks at me with an attitude of defiance but not of disinterest. At the end of the lessons I take him home as usual and he says to me: “Don't tell me you don't care! I can see very well that you are tempted and very much too! But what are you afraid of? " I start again with the discourse of diseases, "in the sense that I would not like to infect him, I to him, non he me". He looks at me and says: "You told me you've never been with anyone, so that's not true ..." I swore it was true and he said to me, but if we both do the test first, then you don't have excuses anymore, ok? " I replied: “Well…” and he was about to lose his temper again, then he held back and said to me: “Meanwhile let's do the test! Ok? " I replied by nodding my head yes, he said to me: "Okay, I'll take care of it ..." I thought it was a way of saying and I nodded yes again. Then he looked me straight in the eye and said: "But remember that you must keep your word!" and I just said to him: "Ok!". I thought that the speech was very vague and that it would be talked about in an indefinite future, and instead, exactly in moment when I got back home I received a text message telling me that I had to pick him up the next day at home at 6.45, to go together to do the sample, because he had made the appointment for 7.15, in a laboratory near the university. I only replied "Ok".

The next day we met and went to take the sample, then the day followed the usual course. We didn't have the slightest anxiety about the test, neither he nor I. When I took him home he said to me: “Friday afternoon we must go together to pick up the results…” and so we did. The results were evidently both negative, what was practically taken for granted, we had no sexually transmitted diseases, but so also my excuse to say no had vanished in the air. He suggests that I go to the mountains on Sunday and I feel a little forced and a little tempted but in the end I say yes.

On Sunday morning I go to pick him up, after about an hour's drive we arrive at his little house, a  place lost in the middle of the mountains. According to the agreed program, we would return in the evening. I wouldn't have agreed to spend the night there to avoid sleeping with him, I know it seems pathological, but that's how things worked for me then. Once at my destination, I wanted to go around so as not to be alone at home with him, not that I was sorry to be with him, quite the contrary! But I didn't know what I could expect and still felt too conditioned. We went around until lunchtime and I suggested that we go and eat somewhere, again so as not to stay at home with him, but he told me that he had brought his lunch from home and that the bag with provisions was in the trunk. I had no choice I had to agree to go home with him. It was winter and it was freezing cold, we turned on the stove but the cold was anyhow very strong. We heated up the cooked things and ate, then the little sun that was there went out and it was freezing, the cold was really strong. He went into the bedroom where there was a queen-sized bed, pulled out of the closet a large double feather quilt, as high as a mattress and also a large double wool blanket, he spread the wool blanket on the bed and the quilt on top, he took off his shoes and lay down on the bed, dressed as he was, and covered himself with the quilt, then he looked at me and said: “What are you waiting for? Come, you are dying of cold ... I don't touch you, at least we stay warm ... " I said to him: "Promised?" and he told me. “Promised!“ I took off my shoes and lay down under the quilt next to him. I felt actually at ease, but I kept my distance from him. He tells me: “But come closer, so we warm up better! We are fully dressed, but what are you afraid of? " Then I get a little closer, I feel his warmth, he turns to me and looks at me with his beautiful eyes and tells me: "I'm glad you didn't run away!" And I just tell him: "Shut up!"

Then he takes my hand and squeezes it, his is very hot, and he says to me: "Your hands are frozen, you are very cold, let me approach that I will warm you a little ..." So our first physical contact had been created, I felt the his warmth, he leaned against me. Every now and then he asked me: "Does it bother you?" And I said to him: “No…”. At one point he fell asleep. It was late afternoon and it was dark outside, but the light was on and I could see him very closely, he was serene, he totally trusted me. I let him sleep, then around seven I had to wake him up because we had to go back to the city. He stretched like a cat, then said to me: “Here it's fine and it's freezing cold outside… what if we leave in the morning? If we leave at 6.30 we can be at the university on time ... "I said to him:" Ok, but I have to tell home. " He said: "Me too." We called without getting out of bed, then he said to me: "What about dinner?" I replied: "We'll do without it, let's stay here, if it's fine for you" I said : "Ok, Fine". Then he started stroking my face and told me he felt my beard, then he ran his hand through my hair and put his fingers in my collar, I let him do it for a while, then I thought that he could go further and I reminded him that he promised me he wouldn't try to get further and he said: "Ok, but I didn't promise you wouldn't try it, I really like being stroked, stop it when you think you have to stop, ok? " And I said: "Ok!" We were really fine, warm, we had no other thoughts on our mind. I stroked his face and hair for a while, then, at a certain point he said to me: "My trousers are tight and they bother me,does it bothers you if I take them off? " I more or less expected something like this and I said to him: "Come on, I'm going to sleep in the other room, in the closet there is also another sleeping bag ...". Disappointed he replied: "I know there is ... but would you leave me here alone?" then he saw my face a little annoyed and added: “Okay, don't worry, I'll keep my pants on but don't go and get cold! I'm good at least as a stove! " I replied: "How stupid you are!" and he said: "I think you are the stupid ... but anyway ...". Then he approached me and said to me: "At least I can stay a bit like this?" I told him: "Sure!", He replied: "But if I'm bothering you, tell me it, you don't have to put up with me ... "I didn't know what to say and so I didn't say anything but I put my arm over his shoulders and he hugged me even more and just said:" Goodnight!"

This was the first night we spent together. I can say that I was extremely happy, feeling his warmth felt beautiful to me. Maybe the very fact that he didn't insist on getting to have sex with me started to defuse my weapons, if he tried to go further I would have felt almost compelled to say no, almost on principle, but he had not insisted and he hadn't even left slamming the door. I slept very little during that night. He was asleep next to me and he made me a very strong tenderness and it was a sexual tenderness, I could try to deny it, to sublimate, to pretend it wasn't like that, but it was so, and I began to realize it. I was wondering: “But why do I have to resist this guy? But what harm would it be if there was even a little sex between us? Why should I think it's better to say no to him for his own good? His good must be evaluated by him. If he's okay with it and me too, where's the problem? And then, the fact of being together in the same bed was a tender thing, ours was a love for each other, slowly I began to accept the idea, but I told myself that we had to proceed calmly, by successive stages, without rushing too much.

The next day the alarm went off at six o'clock, around it was still late at night, getting out from under the quilt was truly a trauma. He asks me: "How did you feel last night?" I tell him: "Very well", and he says to me: "Are we coming here again next Saturday?" and I nod my head yes, then he gives me wild eyes and begins to move towards me as if he wants to try a sexual approach, I raise my arms to defend myself and he just dishevels my hair and says to me laughing: "Are you scared? Don't be afraid, I'm a guy of my word!" I tell him: "Don't tease!" Then we leave. During the trip he resumes the conversation: "But next time without trousers ..." I stop him: "Don't tease!" and he tells me: "But I just say in order to be more comfortable. You have nothing to be afraid of, you can sleep in the other room and if you want you can also lock yourself inside!" The week went by with the usual rhythms: lessons and study, but I began to see in my brain what could happen the following weekend and I also began to make comparisons between those fantasies and my so-called moral principles. After all, we had done the tests, he seemed to really want to get there, why would I have to keep saying no to him? It no longer seemed obvious to me that sex could leave him something negative. I was fighting with myself or rather with the residues of my education, however, the more days passed the more I felt convinced that the following Saturday I would really take a decisive step. 

Saturday arrived, I remember that in the morning I took a more thorough shower than usual, especially in the sex department, a sign that I considered at least probable the fact that something would happen between us on a physical level. I went to pick him up at his house and we left for the mountain. It was a typical cold winter day, I had chains in my car because, especially at night, the road could be frozen. When he got into the car I felt a breath of perfume more intense than usual and I thought that he too could have taken a much more thorough shower and this thought made me think of an undeclared form of complicity and made me smile. Throughout the journey he did not talk about, let's say, dangerous topics, but certain silences were too long and were not normal, as my usual I still avoided addressing the subject. We stopped for breakfast along the way, all wrapped up, and then resumed our journey. This time he had brought a large bag full of provisions that must have been enough for Saturday lunch and dinner and Sunday lunch. Given the day, not even the refrigerator would be needed, the arrangements were that we would return on Sunday afternoon to avoid the risk of icy roads.

Once we reached our destination we thought we were going for a walk in the village, but it was so cold and the wind was blowing so strong that a similar idea seemed completely absurd. We brought inside the supplies, but it didn't take long, then we started to feel frozen. It was still early, it wasn't even ten in the morning. We turned on the heat. The house was a typical mountain house, one of those with a low ceiling so as not to disperse the heat, but it was still freezing cold. He said to me: "I think I'm going to go to bed, otherwise I'll freeze." He pulled the blanket and quilt out of the closet, as he had done the week before.
 
Once the bed was made, he said to me: "Without trousers?" I looked at him with two fiery eyes and he replied: “Okay, okay! With trousers on! " Here I felt displaced, I would have liked him to insist and finally  I would have given in, but he chose the soft way and avoided insisting and I was really upset and tried to fix it by adding: "Tonight without ..." He looked at me widening his eyes and made a sly face and just said "Wow! ... at least we are more comfortable ... "I looked at him and said:" Don't make fun of me! " He just said: "Well, in the meantime, come to bed now ..." We got into bed with our trousers on but now the qualms of the first time were gone, he came close to me and hugged me and we stayed like that for as long as it took to regain warmth, by now holding our hands and caressing us was something automatic and taken for granted. However, I noticed that the caresses, both hers and mine, even if they were insistent, stopped far away from the, let's say, more dangerous area. None of us wanted to take missteps. This time I felt no scruples of any kind, I behaved in a much more spontaneous way than usual even if not exactly 100% spontaneous, for me it was a very strange feeling, I was with another guy and I could behave spontaneously or almost, and he he corresponded to me, he understood me, he felt the same things as I did, I did not feel him as a different individual to fear and from which to keep at a certain distance anyway, I didn't feel worried about his presence, I was beginning to see sexuality in another way, that is, as a complicity, as a couple game and it was something that I liked a lot.

We were cuddling in the heat for a couple of hours and I felt really happy. Then it was time to get up to prepare lunch. It was literally a freezing moment. First I sat just a moment in bed, let's say, to cool the my boiling hormones, because I was erect and I didn't want to be seen like this, the cold air actually produced its effects in a very short time and then I got out of the bed and I put my windbreaker on, because it was terribly cold even inside the house, instead he waited a bit to get up and I didn't ask him why, even if I could have imagined it. I went to the kitchen and put my lunch in the microwave. In the meantime he got up and joined me in the kitchen and started making a whole pot of hot tea. After a few minutes the lunch was warmed up and we ate everything in 10 minutes. We had paper plates, so there weren't  dishes to wash. And then to wash the dishes it would have been necessary to wait for the effects of the heating because the water did not flow in the pipes because it was frozen. 

Outside it began to snow heavily. He told me: “Wi must hope it will stop soon, otherwise the road will freeze and we will not be able to return. However, here there is everything you need for survival for several days ... If tonight it snows a lot and tomorrow it is sunny you have to shovel the snow at least up to the car and from the car to the road. The car has antifreeze, so it should start again anyway, but we will need to put the chains on at least for the first 20 or 30 kilometers. " I ask him: "Is there TV here?", He says no,I ask him if there is internet and he tells me that there is, I tell him: "What do we do?" and he replies: "No choice, we go back to bed, ... without the trous ...". I don't let him finish the sentence and I look at him with eyes of fire, but more for fun than anything else and he replies: "But keeping your trousers on in bed is really uncomfortable ... it's just for that ... well ... and then look, I don't jump on you, you can stay almost sure… ". I tell him: "What does it mean to say almost?" And he replies: "That I leave it to you to take the first step ... anyway you promised that tonight we will go to sleep without trousers, do you remember?" I replied with a moan: "Mh ..." He insisted: "How did you say? I didn't understand ... "And I yelled at him:" Yes, but tonight ... "He didn't let go and continued: "But now it's already evening ... and then do we want to get up again to eat? Naaa! Once a day is enough!" I was very tempted and I said to him: "Ok, make the first move ... " He replied: "Wow! I proceed ... " He took off his pants staying under the quilt and threw them on the chair, then said: "Ah ... at least I'm comfortable!" Before doing my part I waited a while and I expected him to urge me to do it, but he didn't and he just said: "Believe me, so I'm much better ... if you take your trousers off, I don't jump on you, you'd be more comfortable, then if you are afraid, do as you want ... " 

At this point I made a strange speech to him and I said: "Every now and then, but a little too frequently today, you tell me that you will not jump on me, damn it, what have I to deduce from it? I think I look really stupid or clumsy to you... "He replied : "Neither clumsy nor stupid, just a little braked ..." Then I too took off my trousers and threw them on the chair. Actually I felt much better this way. He asked me if I felt on duty, somehow compelled to do things I didn't want to do, and I firmly said no. He was two years younger than me and much less clumsy than me. Then he asked me: "Can I lean on you?" And I told him yes. We hugged and the physical contact was very strong, we held each other for a few minutes, then he shook my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine and he said: "It was really beautiful!" and I replied: “Yes, a very strong thing that I had never tried”.

We didn't sleep at night and it was the first time for us, we were very shy and cautious but all the thing was very engaging and very true. Once we were done with sex I was really happy but I realized that he was very melancholy. I didn't know what to do. I asked him how he felt and he told me he didn't know, that he had been fine but he had so many thoughts on his mind, a great confusion where there is everything from happiness to sadness. He had tears in his eyes. I asked him: “But is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong?" He looked at me and told me: “Don't talk, just hug me…” I hugged him and held him tight, but he was closed in his melancholy. Then he said to me: "Did you feel compelled in any way?" I replied: "Not at all ..." and I held him tighter, then he fell asleep in my arms. 
 
Our story began so many years ago. In the following years, things got complicated for external reasons, there have never been real misunderstandings between us. He made me feel loved, important, he considered me a decisive element in his life, just as I considered him. I am in love with him today more than then because he is an exceptional man who spends himself on others, who has never gone after money, who is profoundly altruistic and is exactly the opposite of a careerist. He has achieved great successes in his work because he works hard but unfortunately he is also very stressed, I have often been his release valve, which honors me and fills me with happiness, but for some years he has been working abroad. I spend my holidays with him, but then in the rest of the year we can only meet in chat and for a limited time, because he has a thousand commitments. 

He is a profoundly good man, with me he had a unique delicacy and respect, he loved me and showed it to me in a thousand ways. When I have some doubts about a choice, I ask myself how he would behave in the same situation and I try to do what he would do. Now he is still handsome, but we are no longer boys and clearly on a physical level both he and I, we are no longer those of twenty years ago, but I respect him as a man, I discovered many aspects of his personality that fascinated me. He is never aggressive, he is calm, he is very sweet and patient, he encourages me, supports me and allows me to do the same with him, sometimes he scolds me a little and tells me that I should be more open to understanding problems of the others, but it does not refer to his problems but to the problems of those who do not think like us. 

There is only one point that really worries me and it is the fact that he is very stressed from work, sometimes, when we chat in the evening, and I would talk to him for hours, we are still forced to limit the time and many times I just tell him that I love him and he replies “Me too! If you weren't there, I wouldn't be nothing!" This sentence, even if it is not true, makes me feel proud. I hope that our life goes on like this for many years to come!!

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  A SECOND CHOICE GAY COUPLE
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 10-04-2021, 12:00 PM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

Hi Project,
I skip the pleasantries. What would you do if you were 30 years old and had a soft spot for a friend of yours with whom you also had a little sex, but he was a friend who perhaps wants to distance himself from you and that you might not want to lose? What would you do if that friend of yours had his birthday in a week? Would you send him a happy birthday text message? I don’t say more, but a good wishes text message?
 
Because now I find myself in this situation, I’m not in love with my friend, that is, I’m not in love in the sense that if he is not there I die, indeed perhaps I live even better, but I think that despite his roughness he is still a friend, I just don't know what he thinks of me now, I don't know if we really understand each other, maybe now we understand each other less than before, however between us there has always been a certain mutual tolerance with some particularly important moments, he, in his own way, he cares a little about me, or maybe he cared, and I care a little bit about him, we went on also and perhaps above all because between us there was a bit of sex, to say that I don't care the sex part, it would be hypocritical, but I also wanted something else, I say I wanted because now sometimes I think I don't want anything at all.
 
I have an ambiguous feeling towards him: he attracts me but he also rejects me. I can't stand many of his ways of doing that seem disproportionate to me, but others touch me deeply.
 
I think sex has ruined everything between us. Yes, Project, first one goes out of his way to get there, and we both did, then you realize that you end up screwing it up, that everything ends up revolving around sex and everything else seems to have been just an excuse, a tool to get to sex, then you want to go back, but there is no going back. I wonder what I was looking for and what he was looking for when we met.
 
We both bragged about not being like the others, not rushing after sex just for sex, but in the end that's what we did and so we screwed everything up, maybe not, but it's no more like before. It is true that even now if there is a moment of strong communication it is right when we have sex, but then it passes and you realize that it ends right there.
 
There is the fact that neither he nor I really looked for other partners, maybe he did sometimes, but usually it didn't last long, when he wanted sex he came to me, when he wanted love he thought of others without going to bed with them because if he had done he would only go to bed with them and anyhow he wouldn't get what he was looking for.
 
He wasn't in love with me, I was the second choice, the one without love, the one only about sex, at least that's what he said and I think it was true. I knew what he thought of me, but I also knew that he needed me at least for sex and probably because I was the only one who cared about him, even though he would have wanted someone else in my place.
 
Another guy, in my place, would have sent him to the hell, but I never did because in the end I was aware that he would anyhow come back to me anyway, even if every time he came to me I was very cautious for fear of diseases because I didn’t trust what he used to say to reassure me and all this bothered him tremendously and so even sex sometimes started badly and ended worse and I ended up wondering: What am I doing here?
 
When we met we were not yet twenty and now we are still here, always fighting with the same things. He is perpetually frustrated and disappointed, not at work, fortunately, but in the emotional life, I’m increasingly disillusioned, but in the end we are still here. As for me, I believe that I will never have a boyfriend as I would like him and the speech is valid for him as well. Our being in some way together is clearly a compromise solution or better a fallback on both sides, but in the end that's what exists.
 
We always said things to each other's face, even the things I wrote to you here, and also said in a much more direct and aggressive way, at least in words. I don't like the idea of losing him at all. I know it would probably be the best solution for both me and him, but I would anyhow miss him badly. I would really be sorry that everything was lost, I'm afraid it could be so and I don't know what to do.
 
His birthday is a simple (trivial) way to tell him that I still think of him, what he will do I don’t know, if he doesn’t answer me he will have made the last move, the decisive one, and I will accept it, because I can only accept it, if he answers me I will have to face a thousand problems and I will, but I don't feel like I'm the one to decide for the no, because that's not what I want.

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  GAYS AND STRAIGHT FRIENDS
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 10-02-2021, 12:38 PM - Forum: True gay stories - No Replies

Hi Project,

a few days ago I was struck by a sentence on an email from a guy who said that his boyfriend must first of all be a true friend. I have had guys and also friends, but I don't know how many of them were also true friends, probably very few. I said a banality, I know, I think that true friendship is a rare thing anyway and this is the core of my speech.
 
I know well that I don't have to expect too much from anyone because I also think I have been a disappointment for almost all of my guys, if not all of them, at least sometimes, and also for my friends. After all, all this discourse only serves to demystify falls in love and friendships, especially those not tested, and to understand that happiness or its less mythical substitute can be found above all in everyday life and in the banal, as long as it is not too much banal.
 
We must console ourselves with what is there, which is not necessarily very little. But this also means starting to give a value to many things that were not seen before because the myth of overwhelming and total things polarized our attention so much that we didn't see anything else.

I will certainly not tell you an overwhelming love story, which is not something that suits me, and then there are too many of them around, but I’ll only tell you a small story of respect and affection between two people who didn't merge their lives, who indeed continued to go their separate ways, but found in those ways an added value because they met.

Project, I'll tell you about my friendship with a guy, but it could also be a girl, here, finally, sex has nothing to do with it! For heaven's sake, I have nothing against sex, but it often promises things that it doesn't deliver at all, which doesn't mean it's always a disappointment, just that it probably promises too much. On the other hand, some friendships promise nothing, they are small things but they help you to move forward and understand many aspects of life.
 
In April 2011 I’m 26 years old, I lived all the classic experiences typical of gay guys: isolation within the family, parents who don’t know and wouldn’t understand, friends who don’t know and who wouldn’t understand, etc. etc., so much fantasy, so much pornography, so many stories read on your forum, so many half stories mentioned more than started and so many half disappointments.
 
Among my friends there is one with whom I feel at ease, his name is Guido, we have known each other since school. He speaks little and also rather slowly, he doesn’t speak like a machine gun, he is always calm but I think he’s very restrained and a bit neurotic, he isn’t a leader, he doesn’t participate much in discussions, he listens and remembers but he doesn't tell you what he thinks. At the university we did very different faculties, I towards the juridical, he towards more scientific things.
 
He is the only ex-school friend of mine with whom I maintained contact throughout the period of the university, not a special contact, but we met more or less every month and we went to get a pizza together talking about this and that. The conversations weren't so particularly involving, we didn't end up talking about personal things, we talked a little bit of politics, and there we understood each other enough, and we talked even a little bit of his and my study stuff. We didn't use to go on talking for long at the end of the pizza , we just said goodbye and went home, everything was apparently very banal.
 
I specify that Guido in my opinion is not a handsome guy, I have never been interested in him from that point of view. I didn't know anything about his private life, that is, I didn't know if he was gay or straight and I've never wondered, especially since we never talked about those topics. When we talked, I was happy, because I knew I was going to have a quiet evening. When he saw me less calm he encouraged me but in a generic way, he didn't ask me questions, he was very respectful of my privacy and on the other hand he never talked to me about his.
 
When he called me on the phone he was very concise and in any case he rarely called me, usually he called me, I never called him because I knew that sooner or later I would hear from him. In those years I lived my first stories with guys alternating highs and lows on the roller coaster of love. Sometimes I wanted to talk about these things with Guido, then I told myself that he wouldn’t understand and I let it go, my relation with Guido were something apart, not intertwined with my love life.
 
One evening we go out for the usual pizza and I notice that he wears a wedding ring on his finger, not a simple band ring, but a classic wedding ring of a traditional type, I ask him why and he tells me that he got married 15 days before but he didn't tell me anything about not to make me feel obliged in any way, I’m perplexed that he only told me it after the fact, but he immediately changes the subject and proposes something that I would never have imagined, that is, he proposes me to go to dinner one evening at his house, I understand that he cares a lot and I accept, but then he changes the subject again and we end up talking about the usual things.

The next week I go to his house for dinner, he introduces me to his wife, Lucia, a very pretty young girl, who treats me very familiarly and puts me at ease in a way I never imagined. Guido and Lucia are a quiet couple, I would say that the air you breathe in their home is one of serenity. Dinner is excellent and very familiar and the conversation is light and pleasant, basically a nice evening.

At the end Guido accompanies me to the car and I tell him: "I was really good and I'm happy for you and for Lucia!" And I tell him with full conviction, he reads it in my eyes and smiles at me, there I realized that he really cared about my opinion. Then we said goodbye in the usual way. In the following months we continued to see each other with the usual rhythms, in practice nothing has changed between us with his marriage.
 
In the meantime, I had begun the longest and most tormented of my stories with a guy (Lucio). I didn't say anything to Guido about Lucio, partly because I wanted those things to remain mine and I also wanted to behave with him as he had behaved with me, and partly because I didn't know how he would react.
 
In March 2018 the story with Lucio went into crisis and I fell into a very black period. Guido noticed it, he understood that something had happened that had put me in crisis, I realized it because he was more considerate of me, he called me more often on the phone even though he had become father twice and had to think about family.
 
One night we go out at a time when I was really in trouble and he simply says to me: "What happened?" I tell him: "I broke up with my boyfriend ..." He’s not in tha least upset but remains silent waiting for me to tell him the rest and then I go ahead, he doesn’t interrupt me. In the end he just says to me: "Don't blame Lucio, he may not have understood anything and he could feel bad too ..." This last thing made a light bulb turn on in my brain and I asked him: "What would you do?" He replied: "I would call him immediately." I told him: "Now?" And he replied: "Yes".
 
I took my cell phone, left the pizzeria and immediately called Lucio. Lucio was in a crisis worse than me and it was evident that we were both happy to hear from each other again. After 40 minutes I saw Guido leave the pizzeria with two takeaway pizzas, he gave one to me and said in a whisper: "I'm going on foot, take care of Lucio! ..." I continued talking to Lucio and in the following days we started again to see each other and in the end it was a positive thing, because not Lucio nor I were at ease with each other  and above all for reasons of stubbornness. The problems with Lucio were resolved, at least on that time, and we both regained some serenity.
 
About a month later I saw Guido again and I told him that the problem with Lucio was over, he just said to me: "I'm glad." And he smiled, then we talked about something else. The problem that I and Lucio were two guys was never taken into consideration, for Guido it was completely irrelevant. Guido is not the one who listens to my love problems, but one whom I trust and who often understands me on the fly without me even needing to speak, he plays down things even by not talking too much about. He doesn’t like the blah blah, he is operative, if you have to do something, for him, you just have to do it, without starting to think about it in vain.
 
I recently went to his house for dinner and I saw that he has a way of treating Lucia that enchants me, he is not expansive but reassuring, he is the man of doing more than talking, when I arrived he was in the kitchen with Lucia and they were cooking together. If I have to think of a model of a happy couple I think of Guido and Lucia, they are straight, ok, they have children, but above all they don’t create stupid problems, they talk little and commit themselves together. I'm sorry to say, but among gays such a thing is quite rare, although I think it is rare even among straight people.
 
I would like my relationship with Lucio to be similar to that of Guido and Lucia, but we are not at that level, we are still two cockerels pecking each other or two boys who have not grown up who have kept the habit of fighting each other. Slowly we are learning but I think the road will still be long. Lucio is a bit jealous of Guido and I tell him: "But Guido has a wife and two children!" and he replies: "Mh ... It may be, but I don't think you're telling me the truth!" and then he laughs and chases me around the house.

The technique of not speaking which is typical of Guido also works between me and Lucio, Lucio likes to talk, but now he talks less and between us there are more affectionate gestures, when he comes to me we go shopping together at the supermarket (a small supermarket) and the ladies we meet look at us with curiosity, because they are not used to seeing two men together in the supermarket doing their shopping, at one point I feel a little too observed by an elderly lady and I feel a little embarrassed, and so, to get out of the embarrassment and even a bit 'to laugh, I try to make me or him look like a young dad and I tell him aloud: "Remember to take the diapers!" And he replies: "But you don't need it!" And the lady looks at us very puzzled!

I conclude here, of course, Project, do what you think of the email, the names are all fictional.

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  GAY DISAFFECTION
Posted by: gayprojectforum - 09-29-2021, 05:45 PM - Forum: Gay couples - No Replies

Hello Project, I'm a 27-year-old Milanese apparently without problems: I graduated, I have a job I don't love and don't hate but that allows me to be independent, I come from a medium-level family, I’m an only child and my parents are dignified people, who know about me even from that point of view and have not caused me problems. So far there is nothing more normal (banal) than all this.
 
I had my experiences with the guys, but they ended quickly and with no regrets, except the last one which still lasts but only in a sense. My friends (friends?) don’t know about me, least of all at work, I have the problem if ever of keeping girls away, but not that of approaching guys because, very frankly, I feel emotionally very refractory.
 
I don't dream of having a boyfriend, even when I was with a guy the involvement was very relative, we could do everything, obviously including sex, but there was anyhow neither the slightest emotional involvement. I mean that I have never fallen in love with a guy, I’m neither straight nor bisexual, I’m gay, I never had any doubts about this, long ago I thought that sooner or later I would find the right guy and I would fall in love with him but it never happened.
 
I'm certainly not addicted to sex (if anything to work) and I really don't want to go looking for a guy. The last boyfriend I had, and in a way I still have, (I'll call him Carlo) was my vaccination against the falling in love virus. I don't hate Carlo or his way of seeing life, I just don't understand him. Being close to him I was able to realize many things and first of all that I’m probably not made for couple life and certainly I’m not made for couple life with him.
 
He perceived already after the first few weeks that beyond appearances I was not really there, he wanted to convince himself and also to convince me otherwise, but I was not in love with him and I was not even interested in building something with him, whatever it was. He treated me with some disdain because he knew that staying close to me was like wasting his time. We continued to see each other for months and do what lovers should theoretically do, but we weren't in love, we studied each other to know how far the story would go. We said goodbye practically every evening at 9 pm, it was the only clear thing between us, in a sense there was a mutual complicity about this, but nothing more.
 
He's a handsome guy and that was the temptation for me, but then, beyond that, there was really nothing else, he had great ideas on his mind, perhaps because his family gave him all the money he wanted. He used to make me proposals that could be suitable for a gossip magazine, let's forget about politics ... let's just spread a pitiful veil, I told him many times that he has to look for a guy of his world, but he thinks he can have a power of attraction on me precisely because he has money, but I told him that the only thing that attracts me about him is that he is a handsome guy, and that the rest doesn't interest me at all. I don't want to be bought by anyone, if he wants a walking dog he can buy it as he likes better, I want a man, not a moron.
 
Sometimes he provokes me because he wants to feel flattered, but he has the wrong address, sometimes I listen to him just to see if he stops or continues to shoot bullshit with no limit. Perhaps he would like me to stop him to start the usual tirade of values! Yes, you got it right, values!! But I don't even answer him, and when he falls silent I change the subject, as if I hadn't even heard him.
 
Sometimes he would call me on the phone while I was at work, I tried to tell him not to call during those hours, but he kept on, and then I put his number among the unwanted ones, because when I work I cannot be distracted.
 
Why don't I care about the guys? I have the answer, I'm trying to build something that I care very much about.
 
Now I work at a good level, but as an employee, well, I want to try in an acceptable time to open my own small business. I'm accumulating skills, just on how to start with a small business, I'm trying to understand how to move between banks, authorizations, tax authorities, contracts and various things. In a few days I will start a master on this and I need it not to enrich my curriculum, but to have a practical competence. I work in very innovative sectors on a technical level but I completely lack managerial-legal preparation, but I'm also trying to grow in that sector.
 
When I start, I will start small, with a one-person company, then it will be what it will be. My first rule: never take a step longer that the leg! People who know what I have in mind, I mean really knowledgeable people in the industry, think my project is good but  will be something that will totally absorb me and they also told me that such a project can somehow become the substitute for the emotional life, but I don't agree at all with such a statement.
 
I don't know if I will ever have a love life, I don't exclude anything, if it happens I will be the first to be happy with it, but I will certainly not start looking for a guy because I have no time to waste. I have no projects in this sector, I mean in the affective one, and didn't even go crazy with the idea of the company, if it works I'll be happy, if then I see that the game is not worth the candle, well, then I'll go back to my current job. I have no problems with my current job now and I don't think I will have difficulties afterwards.
 
I have not sublimated eros into work, I think that every now and then (if it happens) there may well be some adventure, but woe to believe it too much! I don't believe in absolute and definitive commitments, choices for life and the like. I don't like straight weddings, let alone gay ones!
 
If you want to be with me ok, it's fine if it's okay with me too, then when you get bored or I get bored, well then bye and I move on. It could even last a lifetime, but if that's the case, it only becomes apparent over the years. You can start, then you see what happens. I never understood loves at first sight. In the meantime I have to cut off relations with my latest boyfriend (Carlo) and I don't think it will be difficult, I think he's tired of me for a while and honestly I only like him physically, which obviously isn't enough. So "Hi Carlo!", I move on! I don't mean that I move on to another guy, but that I turn the page and put apart the guys chapter, put it on standby for a while, then what will be will be.
 
See, Project, I'm not asexual, no! I use a little pornography, even there with an unforced but absolutely spontaneous moderation, I go ahead with the fantasy and for the moment it is enough for me, also because when I was having sex with guys I was really obsessed with the idea of prevention, certainly having sex with a guy is different from seeing a video, but with a video the risk is absolutely zero, with a real guy you can never trust 100%, if you try to be scrupulous in prevention they take you for a moron and that's why you let your guard down, but then you have a thousand scruples ... is it worth to be with a guy who tomorrow will go away with another guy? I really think not.
 
But is there a serious reason to look for a boyfriend? If such a guy arrives and the first signs indicate that he could be the right one, then it suits me perfectly, but it is not mandatory to live in a couple, and then living in a couple is a bond that can only be accepted when there is a serious motivation. I think that loving a guy, or rather, the fact that two guys love each other is certainly possible, but it has to happen and it is still very unlikely. Even when it happens it never happens 100%, there is always a need for mutual adaptation, but, let's say, if the adaptation is 10-20% then it is also acceptable but only if it is reciprocal, but adapt to whatever, well, I just can't stand this.
 
Perhaps I'm rigid of mentality, but there is an expression that I do not like at all and it is when one says that he is "lost in love" that is he has practically lost his mind, I think that either this is just a very rhetorical saying but also very stupid and deceitful, or one is really out of mind. There is too much sugary romance about these things, which everyone in chatter shares but no one shares in practical life.
 
What's the difference between a serious friendship and falling in love? Everyone says: sex! But my boyfriend, then, if and when he will be there, must first of all be my friend, which means that we should have substantially similar visions of life and ways of acting. Well this has never happened to me until now! Of course then there is sex, but then! Because if everything is based on sex, it takes very little to bring down the house of cards!
 
Project, you don't know how many beautiful and moronic guys I met, people who should talk little because they would gain and instead have the urge to talk and so they waste that little bit of sex appeal that they got from mother nature. Someone let's say at first sight passable I knew him, but then the first impression was easily overturned by the second and definitive one.
 
I would like to add one thing, just to clarify, I do not consider myself either Apollo or Einstein, I'm a very ordinary guy, nothing to do with so many beautiful people I see on the street, because we must give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar. And I don't even think that those who seem stupid to me are really stupid, maybe they will be successful in life a hundred times more than me just doing modeling! (The fox and the grapes!) I'm just saying they look stupid to me. Of course, at the end of the game, the fool who loses the game could be me, but I prefer to lose the game by playing my way rather than imitating the moves of others.
 
Excuse me for this rant, Project, but today I met people who gave me "advice", something I can't stand at all, and I had to let off steam a bit.

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