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***gayprojectforum*** · (This post was last modified: 10-25-2023, 10:08 PM by gayprojectforum.)

Hi Project,

I am a faithful reader of Gay Project Forum, when I read it I get moments of enthusiasm because I see so many beautiful stories, that is, so many stories that end well, then I compare what I read on the forum with what I have experienced and still experience in first person and it doesn't add up. But is it possible that I always find the wrong people? That I always end up getting myself into unmanageable situations? But why guys like those who send you their stories don't happen to me too? I haven't found any monsters of perversion or bad people, none of this! I only found guys who wanted to have a bit of fun, who happily didn't care about I really was. Some of these guys had even constructed a kind of philosophical or psychological or sociological theory to give a scientific appearance to their speech. In practice, at the bottom of this theory there is a statement that is taken for granted and that is that people acts only for their own benefit, or for their own ego, so much so that any altruistic action is falsely altruistic, because the true end it is the individual gratification resulting from feeling altruistic and therefore better than others. This theory should be based on experience, and looking at what happened to me I should say that it is a rather realistic theory. But if I read certain stories on the forum I am really moved, I like them, I find my life model in them! Does that mean I didn't grow up and like fairy tales? Have I to take it for granted that selfish theories are well founded and that the world is just a balance of selfishness? Maybe that will also be the rule, but if I like exceptions and if I want to feel like an exception, does this happen just because I am an ungrown child? Last week, after about a month and some encouraging signs from him, I called an ex of mine who had left and blamed me for my frequent unavailability, basically I didn't like being under anyone's orders. I call him, we talk, but he seems like a stranger to me, someone I really know nothing about, someone I didn't understand anything about. At first he seemed different to me, I felt close to him, at least in many respects, he was my idol for a few years, then I wake up and realize that the dream is over. The phone call wasn't short, we talked about a thousand things, I had the role of listener, or at most I was authorized to agree, if I tried to say that I saw things another way he got angry and raised his voice. It was his way of telling me: "if you want to come back with me you have to do what I say and that's it!" But I can't accept something like that, I'm nobody's doormat and I don't want masters. I didn't raise my voice, I waited patiently for a moment of calm in the conversation (because when he starts preaching in full force he never stops!) and I greeted him politely. When I hung up the phone I felt like I had regained my freedom. I had called him back to see if it made sense to try to get together with him again, well, now I have had the clearest confirmation: it doesn't make any sense! Me on the leash of someone like that? Freedom is a wonder! Now a week has passed, I miss him a little, that is, I don't miss him, I miss my imagination about him and so I read a story from Project that gives me a little enthusiasm. I really don't believe that things like the ones I read in stories will happen to me, but dreaming is beautiful anyway, dreaming of a world without selfishness elevated to the norm of humanity, without people who say they love you because they have to put a leash on you, and also without chronic idiots like me who continue to believe in dreams throughout their lives.

Franz

***gayprojectforum*** · (This post was last modified: 10-22-2023, 03:20 PM by gayprojectforum.)

Hi Project,

I read Franz's email, beautiful!! I too finally rebelled against the idea of being put on a leash. At first the guy seemed like a viable hypothesis to me, then the more I got to know him the more I said to myself: No!! He didn't even see that he was acting like a bully, he wanted to teach me how the world works. You talk about equality in the couple! But with him it's impossible!! And so… bye!! Without explanations! And he understood that it was a definitive thing and teherefore he didn't insist and I got rid of him. It took me six months but I got rid of him! Think about the paradox: first you work hard to find a boyfriend and then you have to work hard to get rid of him! However, I came to a different conclusion from that of Franz. I read the forum like a kind of storybook, but I'm really fed up with going on the hunt for guys. If I think about all the time I've wasted like this I feel like a complete idiot! After all, you do everything for a bit of sex, which isn't even that great, lots of waiting and lots of fantasies and then it all boils down to stupidity and risk, if you're not careful! Better alone than badly accompanied!

Jason

p.s. for Project: if you like, put it in the forum as a response to Franz.

***gayprojectforum*** · (This post was last modified: 10-25-2023, 03:37 PM by gayprojectforum.)

Hi Project,

randomly reading posts on Gay Project forum I have the impression of being on a roller coaster: some posts are enthusiast and exalting (true, important, deep loves, etc. etc.), others are defeatist, disappointed, if not downright depressed. Of course life is varied!

Some people are favored by the chance, others don't, but in the end people get carried away a little too much by the enthusiasm or depression of the moment. There are posts from the same guy, with dates differing only by a week, which oscillate between the most opposite feelings. I think that fantasy is at the same time the most beautiful thing, because it warms the feelings, but also the most illusory because it makes us see a lot of charming princes, or at least a lot of strong feelings, where there is probably nothing of the kind. I know from experience that these violent mood swings exist and I try not to fly too high so as not to fall too low. I'm 29 years old, an age that is neither meat nor fish, luckily for me I have a job that occupies my brain for a good part of the week and I also have a boyfriend. He's not an angel nor a devil, he's a guy with whom, more or less, a stable relationship has been created, with at least one certainty, the one that he doesn't put my health in crisis. I say this because once, when he had gone with another guy (and without protection!), he told me and then took the test and brought the result to me to show me. You could tell me that because he had gone away with another guy, I would have done better to send him to hell, but he didn't put me at risk and he didn't tell lies and I appreciated it very much. Things are going quite well with him, we even move forward a bit out of habit. Between us there have never been great love rages. Maybe he's mostly interested in sex, maybe I'm too, but we could also do without it, we’re not obsessed of it. Things move forward by inertia, partly for a particular reason, generally couples go into crisis when one of the two partners begins to think that compared to the current partner "maybe there is someone better" and therefore it is better to try to change. With the same line of reasoning it is logical to think that couples are instead stabilized by the observation that compared to the current partner "perhaps there are a lot of guys worse" and therefore it is better to keep what is there. I have no difficulty believing that there is someone better than my current partner (no offense to him, who among other things thinks the same of me) but in practice I have never found charming princes, while that there is someone worse than my partner I experimented it directly a couple of times, so much so that I later returned to the fold. In short, Project we had our escapades but then we got bored of that too! Objectively there is no enthusiasm between us and not even common projects: he has his life and I have mine and neither his nor mine are exciting lives: we work in a regime of so-called normality with the usual banter between colleagues, the usual gossip and the usual career climbs, all seasoned with many nice speeches to underline that we are a good team even if we are a more or less normal team. Holidays together with colleagues? One of them had suggested it, more to start chatting than anything else, but no one listened to him and the distinctions started: I have to think about the children, I have to think about the mother-in-law, etc. etc.. Holiday with my partner? No! He must be free, or rather he must feel free. If he can go wherever he wants in the end he doesn't go anywhere, if he were tied to me it would weigh on him and for me it would be more or less the same. So ahead with great declarations of mutual freedom that lead nowhere. I asked myself what would happen, that is, what I would do, if my partner was in serious difficulty, and frankly I don't know. Maybe it doesn't make sense to think about these things only on a hypothetical bases. According to statistics, we should not have problems of this kind for several years yet. I tried to ask him what he would do if I were in difficulty and he told me very candidly: "I don't know", which in the end is an honest answer. Today we are, so to speak, "together", no one knows what tomorrow will be. Settling, coming to compromise is not the grave of love but its natural evolution, or rather its final and stable metamorphosis. I realize that this email seems to be a praise of mediocrity and in a sense it is, I'm certainly not accusing my partner of being mediocre, I'm saying that we both are and that perhaps we chose each other precisely for this reason. Should I be depressed and dreaming of who knows what? I'm more or less fine as I am! Of course, there is more or less, but there is also a certain feeling of satisfaction! All in all, the glass is somehow half full.

Aurea Mediocritas 94

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