12-12-2023, 04:16 AM
(This post was last modified: 12-12-2023, 04:17 AM by gayprojectforum.)
Hi Project, I don't know you personally but I have read several of the things you have written and I would say that I also feel them to be mine, something more mine and something less, but I feel these things are really mine.
Today, talking to my partner, I found him cold and detached, a strange feeling, if we want, it's not the first time it's happened, but before, that is, more or less until six months ago, it never happened. For an observer looking from outside nothing has changed between us, we see each other rather rarely, as before, every three or four weeks, because we live in different cities, and I think that the reason for his current behavior is all in the fact that he is bored or better tired of me, I don't even think he has another guy, before when he had one, things between us were great anyway, but now he just doesn't feel my presence anymore.
Last month I went to him, as we always did, but sex was absolutely out of his thaughts, he didn't show any signs of involvement, while the other times it always happened, I mean he was never erect and even when we went to bed , more to overcome the embarrassment than anything else, the erection was exceptional, whereas before it was the rule. I didn't know what to do, I asked him if there was something wrong but he just said that he was tired and that he had been working too much, but such things never happened before.
And, apart from the sex, which there was practically none of, we didn't even talk, just silly things and complaining about work problems. We usually had serious communication, but this time nothing. Usually he was always the first to talk about sex, but now he doesn't do it, because even when we talk on the cell phone we talk about everything, from politics to war but we never talk about sex, it's as if the switch had turned off, and I also begin to ask myself: "What the hell am I doing with him?" I'm starting to feel like a stranger, I'm contemplating plans for revenge because I feel abandoned without any declaration of hostility, basically abandoned, despite an apparent continuation of our relationship, which continues the usual way, so to speak.
When we talk I would like him to also talk about sex, like he did before, when it was practically an obsession, but that doesn't happen now. I thought he might probably expect me to talk about it, but I feel embarrassed too. I should take the initiative, but if he's really in love with another guy, well, then it would be better, much better for him to go his own way, not because he found another guy, but because he has definitely distanced from me, that is, he let himself be completely absorbed by another guy, even if I don't really see him 100% involved in a story with a guy, I think I'm not wrong about this but sometimes I think that perhaps I really don't know him at all.
I continue to dream that he remembers me, because I have very beautiful memories of him, but the fact is that they are memories, which before were the present but now are only the past. I keep calling him on the phone and sometimes he calls me too, but if I suggest that we meet up, he takes his time, he puts it off, he doesn't say no, he just says that he's very busy with his work, but it wasn't like that before, years ago he used to come at my house without warning at any time of day or night, and there was a strong and mutual sexual drive, but now he makes excuses, runs away, avoids telling me what's on his mind, if I try to insist he cuts it short and tells me he's busy and has no time to spend.
I don't understand how everything could have changed so quickly and so radically. Sometimes I blame myself, I think that if he does this I must have done something to him that he didn't like at all, because I don't see any other possible reasons for this cooling of relations. When I feel bad, I think that if the story has to end anyway, I might as well put an end to it immediately: the sooner it ends the better, and I expect it to actually end, but it doesn't end, when a little time passes and I start to think that he won't call me anymore, the call comes, which undoubtedly makes me happy, but then it's an inconsistent call and in the end I'm left with it even worse and I ask myself, why is he calling me just to complain about work? And I think that maybe he has another guy with whom he is madly in love and with whom he has sex but who wouldn't listen to him if he started complaining to him about work and so he calls me, because I'm the spare wheel or worse the dump, for say no more, where you can unload your frustrations and anxieties.
I'm not angry with him, he has his character, we are compatible up to a certain point, but we respect each other, he is not aggressive towards me, he is a good guy but sometimes I really don't understand him. Ok, you have your worries and your thoughts, but saying one word to me, just one, to make me feel calm would ultimately cost you nothing. What do you do in these situations? Do you throw everything away or do you be patient and wait for the bad times to pass? I feel really lost, I really don't know what to do. In the end I won't do anything and I'll try not to even let him know how I feel, I just hope it doesn't last too long because I might not last too long in such a situation. What would you think about this story, Project?