GAYS BETWEEN DREAM AND REAL WORLD

[gayprojectforum]

Hi Project,

randomly reading posts on Gay Project forum I have the impression of being on a roller coaster: some posts are enthusiast and exalting (true, important, deep loves, etc. etc.), others are defeatist, disappointed, if not downright depressed. Of course life is varied!

Some people are favored by the chance, others don't, but in the end people get carried away a little too much by the enthusiasm or depression of the moment. There are posts from the same guy, with dates differing only by a week, which oscillate between the most opposite feelings. I think that fantasy is at the same time the most beautiful thing, because it warms the feelings, but also the most illusory because it makes us see a lot of charming princes, or at least a lot of strong feelings, where there is probably nothing of the kind. I know from experience that these violent mood swings exist and I try not to fly too high so as not to fall too low. I'm 29 years old, an age that is neither meat  nor fish, luckily for me I have a job that occupies my brain for a good part of the week and I also have a boyfriend. He's not an angel nor a devil, he's a guy with whom, more or less, a stable relationship has been created, with at least one certainty, the one that he doesn't put my health in crisis. I say this because once, when he had gone with another guy (and without protection!), he told me and then took the test and brought the result to me to show me. You could tell me that  because he had gone away with another guy, I would have done better to send him to hell, but he didn't put me at risk and he didn't tell lies and I appreciated it very much. Things are going quite well with him, we even move forward a bit out of habit. Between us there have never been great love rages. Maybe he's mostly interested in sex, maybe I'm too, but we could also do without it, we’re not obsessed of it. Things move forward by inertia, partly for a particular reason, generally couples go into crisis when one of the two partners begins to think that compared to the current partner "maybe there is someone better" and therefore it is better to try to change. With the same line of reasoning it is logical to think that couples are instead stabilized by the observation that compared to the current partner "perhaps there are a lot of guys worse" and therefore it is better to keep what is there. I have no difficulty believing that there is someone better than my current partner (no offense to him, who among other things thinks the same of me) but in practice I have never found charming princes, while that there is someone worse than my partner I experimented it directly a couple of times, so much so that I later returned to the fold. In short, Project we had our escapades but then we got bored of that too! Objectively there is no enthusiasm between us and not even common projects: he has his life and I have mine and neither his nor mine are exciting lives: we work in a regime of so-called normality with the usual banter between colleagues, the usual gossip and the usual career climbs, all seasoned with many nice speeches to underline that we are a good team even if we are a more or less normal team. Holidays together with colleagues? One of them had suggested it, more to start chatting than anything else, but no one listened to him and the distinctions started: I have to think about the children, I have to think about the mother-in-law, etc. etc.. Holiday with my partner? No! He must be free, or rather he must feel free. If he can go wherever he wants in the end he doesn't go anywhere, if he were tied to me it would weigh on him and for me it would be more or less the same. So ahead with great declarations of mutual freedom that lead nowhere. I asked myself what would happen, that is, what I would do, if my partner was in serious difficulty, and frankly I don't know. Maybe it doesn't make sense to think about these things only on a hypothetical bases. According to statistics, we should not have problems of this kind for several years yet. I tried to ask him what he would do if I were in difficulty and he told me very candidly: "I don't know", which in the end is an honest answer. Today we are, so to speak, "together", no one knows what tomorrow will be. Settling, coming to compromise is not the grave of love but its natural evolution, or rather its final and stable metamorphosis. I realize that this email seems to be a praise of mediocrity and in a sense it is, I'm certainly not accusing my partner of being mediocre, I'm saying that we both are and that perhaps we chose each other precisely for this reason. Should I be depressed and dreaming of who knows what? I'm more or less fine as I am! Of course, there is more or less, but there is also a certain feeling of satisfaction! All in all, the glass is somehow half full.

Aurea Mediocritas 94