GAYS BETWEEN DREAM AND REAL WORLD

[gayprojectforum]

Hi Project,

I am a faithful reader of Gay Project Forum, when I read it I get moments of enthusiasm because I see so many beautiful stories, that is, so many stories that end well, then I compare what I read on the forum with what I have experienced and still experience in first person and it doesn't add up. But is it possible that I always find the wrong people? That I always end up getting myself into unmanageable situations? But why guys like those who send you their stories don't happen to me too? I haven't found any monsters of perversion or bad people, none of this! I only found guys who wanted to have a bit of fun, who happily didn't care about I really was. Some of these guys had even constructed a kind of philosophical or psychological or sociological theory to give a scientific appearance to their speech. In practice, at the bottom of this theory there is a statement that is taken for granted and that is that people acts only for their own benefit, or for their own ego, so much so that any altruistic action is falsely altruistic, because the true end it is the individual gratification resulting from feeling altruistic and therefore better than others. This theory should be based on experience, and looking at what happened to me I should say that it is a rather realistic theory. But if I read certain stories on the forum I am really moved, I like them, I find my life model in them! Does that mean I didn't grow up and like fairy tales? Have I to take it for granted that selfish theories are well founded and that the world is just a balance of selfishness? Maybe that will also be the rule, but if I like exceptions and if I want to feel like an exception, does this happen just because I am an ungrown child? Last week, after about a month and some encouraging signs from him, I called an ex of mine who had left and blamed me for my frequent unavailability, basically I didn't like being under anyone's orders. I call him, we talk, but he seems like a stranger to me, someone I really know nothing about, someone I didn't understand anything about. At first he seemed different to me, I felt close to him, at least in many respects, he was my idol for a few years, then I wake up and realize that the dream is over. The phone call wasn't short, we talked about a thousand things, I had the role of listener, or at most I was authorized to agree, if I tried to say that I saw things another way he got angry and raised his voice. It was his way of telling me: "if you want to come back with me you have to do what I say and that's it!" But I can't accept something like that, I'm nobody's doormat and I don't want masters. I didn't raise my voice, I waited patiently for a moment of calm in the conversation (because when he starts preaching in full force he never stops!) and I greeted him politely. When I hung up the phone I felt like I had regained my freedom. I had called him back to see if it made sense to try to get together with him again, well, now I have had the clearest confirmation: it doesn't make any sense! Me on the leash of someone like that? Freedom is a wonder! Now a week has passed, I miss him a little, that is, I don't miss him, I miss my imagination about him and so I read a story from Project that gives me a little enthusiasm. I really don't believe that things like the ones I read in stories will happen to me, but dreaming is beautiful anyway, dreaming of a world without selfishness elevated to the norm of humanity, without people who say they love you because they have to put a leash on you, and also without chronic idiots like me who continue to believe in dreams throughout their lives.

Franz