GAY AFFECTION AND GAY DISAFFECTION

[gayprojectforum]

Hi Richard,

I read your email with great interest, because there is very little obvious and schematic, there are the doubts typical of the construction of true emotional relationships. In your case, things are a bit complicated because both from you and from his part it is to build everything from scratch, without being able to refer to anything prefabricated. He also has a sexual life, ok, but the relationship he has with you has lasted for years and has not broken up. You had the feeling that everything was about to collapse, or that it had already collapsed, but even in writing this mail, you still show a lot of nostalgia for this relationship that you seem to consider already concluded. A relationship is not concluded when you do everything to understand what to do, but when you don’t ask yourself the problem at all, and you certainly asked that problem many times e very seriously. You didn’t have any other guy, but not because it didn’t interest you, but because you had him, and your brain was already occupied in a story that was basically a romance, sex or no sex, it was still a way to want well, and you can be sure that you have been a much more strong certainty for him than many others. You could also fear that you created an addiction and maybe it was already created but in fact, loving another person doesn’t mean building something for yourself but thinking of being useful to the other person, and you have been useful and continue to be. It struck me a lot the question of accepting everything that comes to you from him. In fact, it is precisely the fact that you don’t accept everything and that you maintain your independence of judgment that makes you a precious person. I launch myself in an interpretation. The other guys were with him, then something didn’t work and they left, this is the common logic of couples, but it is not the logic of love, it is the logic of those looking for something for themselves, between you and him there were misunderstandings and perhaps deeper than it seems, but you stayed there, you did not disappear, you did not try to build something for yourself, you gave in, but up to a certain point in order not to lose him, but in spite of your many doubts, in the end you remained close to him, and this is the logic of love. And don’t tell me that at the age of 35 you wouldn’t find a guy, if you wanted it you would find one certainly, but you already have a boyfriend. Frankly, I don’t think you'll leave and you'll leave him alone, I don’t think at all, you're talking too much about it to put into practice a similar project. He is now going through really difficult times, because for him losing his job and returning, at 30, to depend on his parents is really hard to accept. He is testing you to see if he can trust you without reservations, but I think he can certainly trust you, and, be sure, he will not go away, because a relationship like the one he has with you (I say deliberately "who has" and not "who had") he can only have it with you and he knows it very well. Your relationship has all the appearances of a fragile relationship and now almost in a straight line of arrival, but it is a very deeply rooted relationship. You're thinking about how to behave with him but you're sure he will not put you aside, now he reacts strongly with an aut aut, asks you to follow him without reservations ... what will you do? First of all, you will not interrupt the dialogue with him because to interrupt the dialogue would be disastrous for both of you, you will continue to be there, yielding a little, but with caution, and so you will accompany him out of the worst moments. I think this guy has given you so much through that frank dialogue he has with you and I think that without him you would be really uncomfortable. Now you are also passing moments of uncertainty, talk to him and you will see that he will not be surprised and this time he will accompany you out of your doubts.

A strong hug.

Project