GAY PROJECT FORUM
TWO ARCHIVED GAY COHABITATIONS - Printable Version

+- GAY PROJECT FORUM (http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org)
+-- Forum: GAY REALITY (http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/F-gay-reality)
+--- Forum: Gay couples (http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/F-gay-couples)
+--- Thread: TWO ARCHIVED GAY COHABITATIONS (/T-two-archived-gay-cohabitations)



TWO ARCHIVED GAY COHABITATIONS - gayprojectforum - 05-08-2022

Hi Project,
I've been following Gay Project for some years and I decided to have my say on gay couples. It is a field in which I have some experience, I have had two experiences of living together with guys with whom, after all, I have not been bad, but in both cases it all ended in nothing, not for betrayal or anything like that but for tiredness, for different points of view and because in fact it was all too standard, too politically correct to be credible. In practice, we start from the "very wrong" idea that we must necessarily live as a couple and in the name of this idea we start looking for the ideal guy who will change our lives. The desire to see this dream come true, or better this myth, is such that we throw ourselves headlong if not immediately into the first, at least into the second story that happens to us. 

We cover our eyes with slices of ham so as not to see even evident realities and we go on building fables, we follow all the so-called classic plots of the love stories we see in the cinema: sms galore, little gifts, sweet words more and more demanding, celebrations of anniversaries, such as Valentine's Day and the like, which should be very important but are not at all, in practice we go far beyond the reality of feelings and recite the script as something real, we enter the part of the lover, and so we go from simple acquaintance to an acquaintance with a little sex, and then, and here comes the worst, to the idea of coexistence, which seems the natural development of our love story, according to the theorem: "if when I am with him once a month I am fine, if I am with him every day 24 hours a day, I will be extraordinarily happy!" But here we must remember that feelings are like medicines, they must be taken in the right dose, otherwise the side effects outweigh the benefits. Everything risks becoming trivial if it becomes daily and ritual, and this also applies to sex which, when it becomes too frequent, becomes a trivial thing that must be done because we did it until yesterday, and which can even become a duty not likely to be appreciated only for the fact that it is required as a must by the time schedule of the day. I say this from experience because it happened to me.
 
Sometimes, when I hear people telling stories about sublime feelings, I get hives, because in my experience, where, I don’t deny it, feelings, somehow, were real, however, there was anyhow no lack of underlining, little selfishness, stressed distinctions publicly showed  just to point out that my partners disagreed with me, and there was also a lot of meanness about minimal things like as to who has to pay the bill at the bar. In the end, living together seemed more like an utility agreement between two students sharing an apartment who have to share the expenses, than a life choice made consciously by two people who love each other. After all, Mattia and Steven were good guys, I don't hate them at all, I respect them and in a sense I also love them, but there is no need to live together. 

And then being in a steady couple also becomes constricting. The heart of the matter is not the freedom about finding another guy or just a little bit of sex as a pastime, the freedom that is missing in a close relationship is almost always about much more basic things: going out with your friends, without taking your boyfriend with you, or staying at home if he wants to go one evening with his friends. I mean, friends don't have to be in common. And then, living together, the defects of people become evident, I mean your own defects and those of others too, like disorder, poor hygiene, easy compliance with alcohol or smoking or even with sweets and foods that in the long run can lead to excess weight, and I'm not talking about worse things like drugs.
 
Last question, even if it is not the last in importance: coexistence is not just a couple problem but it is a social problem because it is visible. In living together with Steven, visibility had a particular and very conditioning aspect: his parents, who are certainly very tolerant towards homosexuality, thought, precisely by virtue of this, that they were authorized to meddle in our private affairs, more or less like they would have done if their son had fallen in love with a girl, and that bothered me enormously. Many gays consider it a decrease in freedom having to live their stories only privately, but those guys don’t understand that being in public can be very unpleasant, because there are so many nosy people! And even those who are not really nosy but are just friends of your partner, in the end they too end up meddling in your business, maybe they do it for a good purpose but still they do it and, you can tell me whatever you want, but being at the center of other people's chatter it is not pleasant anyway, and then they judge you with completely straight criteria, as if a straight couple and a gay couple were the same thing. 

In short, Mattia and Steven were (and still are) ok guys, but not even with them it was possible to create a stable coexistence, I can imagine what a cohabitation with problematic and in any case incompatible guys can be: we struggle a lot to build a pair relationship up with another guy and then, when things start to get heavy, we end up looking for all the means to be able to get rid of him. It happened to me too, it was not Mattia and Steven who were unbearable, but it was the 24/7 coexistence that made them unbearable for me. Now, with Steven, sometimes, we see each other again and sometimes there is even a little sex, but it happens if and when it happens, there is no script and, paradoxically, things are better now than when we lived together. It may be that I am the exception to all the rules, the pathological case that cannot be approved, but for me the coexistence chapter is really closed.