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GAY SEX: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE PREVENTION - Printable Version

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GAY SEX: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE PREVENTION - gayprojectforum - 07-26-2020

Hi Project,
I’m a twenty-one year old guy from Northern Italy, lost in love with a guy a year younger (here I will call him Maxi and I will not explain why! But his name is not Max) who is also madly in love with me. You will tell me that if so, there is no problem and instead problems are many.
 
He has had many adventures even with much older guys and with those guys he has done everything even without a condom. He told me these things a little bragging, because he does such things, but he put a thousand fears on me and also slowed me down a lot. I like him very much, that is, I get excited just even thinking about him, but I can't put myself at risk, because until now I've never been with anyone and therefore I'm not afraid of having taken HIV, but if I have sex with him then there is the risk that I go into paranoia, and at the limit I could really get into trouble, and I don't want to risk it because I'm not crazy.
 
I made Maxi read a couple of Project articles on sexually transmitted diseases and he replied brutally: “It's all bullshit! If everyone who fucks took HIV, the world would already be over." I didn't like this answer at all and it made me think even more that he had sex without a condom and that therefore I have to be very careful. You understand well that this thinking about the risk, which has insinuated between us, puts a lot of things in crisis.
 
Since I have been with him, I struggle to keep him at a distance, I always try to meet him on the street and where there are people, he has insisted so much that I go to his house, so that we can be together and nobody can disturb us, but I never went there. He asked me to come himself to my house, but luckily there is always someone at my house, so from his point of view such a thing is not even thinkable.
 
We did that little bit of sex only on cam, which is not a small thing, but it is clear that in person it’s completely different. I have a car and he doesn't, and he has asked me many times to go out with him by car, but in the evening, not during the day, so he proposes me to go out just to have sex in the car and I have so far invented all the possible excuses to avoid such a situation, and such excuses in part were also true.
 
Project, I keep him at a distance, but I really wouldn't want to keep him at a distance, because by keeping him at a distance I risk losing him. Apart from what we do on cam, we spend hours on the phone and always in an erection, then, before ending the call, we come tu the end while we speak but each on his own, it's not a small thing because I feel that he really participates, but I miss his physical presence very much and I think it's the same for him.
 
How long will all this last? Do you think that he could accept to take the test? Or do you think he would consider me a pathological case, a guy obsessed by the fear of diseases? However, in the end it would be the only way to get rid of fears. If not, what can we do? Just touching each other together, well, maybe it would be fine for me, but for him I think it wouldn’t be enough. He is not a guy of those who love pampering and have little sex, he really needs sex physiologically. What to do? Let the guard down on HIV and then face the consequences? But it's an idea that I really don't like. Or should I stop him when we're together and it comes to his mind to go beyond the safety limits? But if I do this, I also hurt myself and above all he could send me to the hell. Or have I to continue to pretend without speaking clearly as I have done so far? But that seems cowardly to me.
 
I'm afraid of losing him but I can't even think that in order not to lose him I have to accept to take risks, I could agree to limit myself only to things not at risk, but it wouldn’t be fine for him and basically not even for me. Sometimes it gets on my nerves that he is so superficial about these things, he used to spend hours on dating sites, he says he doesn't do it now, but I'm not so sure. On his phone I found that famous app and I told him to remove it, he told me he no longer uses it and he thought it would end there, but I insisted, he was in a good mood and took it off, but he can download it again whenever he wants.
 
However, it bothers me that he puts his very private photos into circulation, there aren't too much problems for the family jewelry, but you can't put your face on such sites, because otherwise they'll recognize you on the street and you’ll become the laughing stock of the town. When I tell him these things he laughs and reminds me that we got to know each other precisely through that app and now I try to keep him away from that same app.
 
Anyway, I don't think he cheats on me, because we spend so much time on the phone doing our things that he has very little time left to think about other stories, he spends his time studying because he is also very good at university, he takes all high grades and he never reproaches me even if he could easily do it, because I'm not as good as he is, but I too study and take my exams. He doesn’t boast that he is better than me and this is a point in his favor, but there are several others, first of all he makes me laugh, that is, he puts me in a good mood, he is never in a bad mood, he smiles at everyone and he enchants with a smile, and furthermore he doesn't forget the commitments he made with me, if he says one thing, you can take it for granted that he puts it in practice. A very important thing is that he doesn’t tell lies, sometimes he tells me things I would prefer not to hear but he tells me everything all the same even at the risk of losing face, because he doesn't tell lies.
 
He doesn't talk about his family well or badly, he never talks about it and he never talks about money, he doesn't wear designer clothes or expensive clothes, he's a normal guy and I like that very much. He is not gone mad with psychology as a guy I had known before, who as soon as you opened your mouth used to psychoanalyze you starting from three words. He really used to think he was able to understand people just by looking at them, but I didn’t allow him to make fun of me this way.
 
Maxi doesn’t behave like another guy I had also known who told me that he was gay and used to swore in front of the girls that he was straight, I don't know what he really was but I didn't really like him not even physically. Maxi doesn’t say bad words, blasphemies and things like that, he also talks about sexual things but in a polite way even if very direct, then a very important thing: he doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t drink and obviously he never took drugs, he doesn’t go to the disco hunting for guys or rather he doesn't go there anymore, according to what he says. He is sporty but not mad for sports, he goes swimming once a week but, in spite of everything, he has had his experiences and this irritates me a little even if maybe it's just envy.
 
But now my problem is to make him take the test, which then, if he does it, and if after the opportunity happens, at least he would think twice before doing some big bullshit. With health he feels invincible, he takes it for granted that he is fine and will always be fine while getting into serious trouble is very easy. I would like to propose to him to take the test together just as an aut aut condition, if he doesn’t accept it then it means that he doesn’t care about me at all and it is better that I give him up, if he accepts it, we can take the test together in order to be really free. I never thought that I would have had this type of problem, I always thought that I would find a guy like me at the first experience and therefore without risk and instead I found Maxi and I have to deal with the reality.
 
What would you do in my place? I would like to play the card of taking the test as aut aut, I think he would end up giving up!
 
Dan99