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+--- Thread: GAY SEX AS A VALUE (/T-gay-sex-as-a-value)
GAY SEX AS A VALUE - gayprojectforum - 01-09-2020
Hi Project,
I'm not a regular reader of your Forum, but when I happen to access it, I find interesting elements. Allow me some remarks, or if you prefer some advices: I think it would be appropriate to ask some questions, first of all: why is there a huge abundance of gay or pseudo gay pornography while there is hardly a normal gay cinema? You actually asked yourself this question but you didn't find an answer. I share what you wrote in your post http://gayprojectforum.altervista.org/T-gays-and-anal-sex-false-myths-and-pornography
The so-called gay pornography has very little to do with gays and seems a kind of mirror image of straight pornography. I think that that type of pornography does not represent gay sexuality at all, at least the most widespread one. I don't have much experience in the field but I had sex with some guys and here I must specify that they were gay guys in the true sense of the word, that is, guys who fell in love with other guys, and not heterosexuals, engaged to a girl, or even married, looking for gay sex just to console themselves for their straight frustrations.
I don't like being with straight guys chasing sex at all, it only happened to me once, but I felt really uncomfortable, exploited, used, treated like a straight guy "not in love" treats a woman, that is I felt like I was the second-best choice, the fallback choice, a sexual object managed by one who has something else in mind. With the really gay guys, even if the stories ended, I felt a much deeper affinity, it was never a game of sex only, they were guys trying to build something, they were not always successful, but I never felt uncomfortable with them and I found myself in front of a sexuality all in all very similar to mine and very different from what is seen in so-called gay pornography.
Apart from anal sex, which has never been part of the contacts with those guys, that is, we have never considered it even as a hypothesis, there has never been any stimulation of the nipples or anus. The interest was concentrated on the immediate sexual response, that is, on the other's penis, it was not even a fixed idea, but in being in a powerful erection we saw a sign of true participation. I understand that this thing can be stupid, but it was like that. I tell you something that may seem stupid the same way, when I got distracted and lost the full erection I felt embarrassed because I thought I was disappointing my partner and probably also my partner felt embarrassed for similar reasons.
The most involving thing ever, for me and my partners was the fact of being able to look at each other's face while having sex and being able to see in each other's face the sign of a total involvement, without reservations. With the guys with whom I had more lasting relationships, sexuality was very diluted, it was lived in long times, with forms of intimacy such as being embraced and feeling the warmth one of the other, I don't even speak of explicitly sexual things. It was also great to pamper ourselves on the sofa while watching television.
Project, I don't want to say that there must be no nipple or anus stimulation or even anal sex, to me and to the guys I've been with it has never happened, but everything is possible and I don't see it at all absurd, it may well be that sooner or later I also get to do such things, I don’t exclude it, even if at the tender age of 37 certain possibilities seem very theoretical to me, however saying that certain behaviors are the rule is really far from reality, at least from the reality I knew. And then being able to touch each other, being naked together, exchanging pampering is beautiful.
The guy I told you about, the one who was my partner, but who wasn't gay, couldn't stand pampering, and considered it something fitting just to "fagots" a way of saying that seemed odious to me, and this was one of the reasons that pushed me to send him to the devil. For him, sex was aimed at anal penetration, he had to get there anyway, he took it for granted that I should feel gratified by the fact that he wanted to do it, but to me an idea of this kind was completely unwelcome, also and perhaps above all because proposed in such a stupid way by one who had never really cared about me.
Sex with gay guys was really another thing, for them the cuddles were nothing strange, I felt those guys like me and this was a very beautiful thing, we looked at each other and we ended up smiling at each other and then there was a form of mutual modesty, almost of embarrassment, in proposing something that we knew the other would certainly accept.
There is another thing that struck me. With the straight guy it was he who wanted to undress me while he was fully dressed and this bothered me terribly, I felt it as an aggressive gesture, with the gay guys we always undressed together, each on his own, that is we were on the same level, I mean that we were two guys, not a guy and a girl's substitute. I have never seen a gay guy trying to force me to do something I didn't want to do, while the straight guy did it regularly.
With the gay guys I have been with, contact has been maintained even after the end of the relationship, that is, the relationship was over but the respect never ceased. Christmas has just passed, but I heard "all" the gay guys I was with on the phone, no one excluded, and I can't deny that I was pleased. We should talk more about true sexuality and above all about true gay affectivity, because I think it would be something reassuring, peaceful and above all true for guys. And then, let's be clear, real sex is a thousand times more rewarding than pornography, you feel that it serves to create a contact between two people who are on the same wavelength, what matters is being with your partner, making him feel at ease, make him understand that you love him, that you have respect for him, that you care about him, make him understand that even if the relationship does not last, anyway it’s not a trivial thing.
I have been both with guys older than me, even a lot, and with younger guys and I can tell you that the differences are really minimal. I found people who loved me and respected me, they showed me their affection even out of bed, even when our relationship was over. They were good guys, serious guys, who went out of their way to make me feel good. Certainly there is sex in homosexuality, that’s obvious, and it has a very important meaning but it is totally different from how it is represented. Pornography is used to make many people make easy money but it is very far from the reality of the life of guys, or at least from the reality of my life and that of the guys I have known. We should not trivialize being gay, we should begin to consider it a thing of high moral value, a very important feeling in the life of many people, a way of loving each other.
Goodbye Project, see what to do with this email, I wrote it a bit as an outlet thinking of my ex-boyfriends of whom, honestly, I have no negative memory at all! Good job and get busy because you are doing very good things.
Santino (it’s not really my name but I'd like it!)