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Hi Project,

rather than telling you my story of single twenty-five guy, obviously gay, I would like to ask you and the guys of the forum some questions about the social conditioning that shapes, even today, to a large extent, the behavior of us gay people, I put myself of course also in this group. I live in a small village in Lombardy, about 80 km from Milan. People expect it to be an open and, let's say, gay-friendly environment, but it's not at all and the thing that makes me more angry is that those of narrow mindedness are young people.
In the village there is an elderly lady more than 80 years old, whom I will call Ada, who has remained alone and, in practice, she relies on the care of her neighbors and I’m one of those neighbors, and it happens that I go to see her three or four times a week, to bring her shopping or to pay her bills at the post office. With Mrs. Ada I have a special relationship, I consider her a bit like a grandmother and she is really happy when she sees me.
One day I went to her in a bad mood because some of my "friends" with whom I went to see a movie, had made atrocious comments about a guy they consider gay. Mrs. Ada saw me right outside of me and asked what had happened and I already told her without omitting anything. She replied that those who do such things don’t understand anything and allow themselves to judge things they don’t know at all. The answer struck me. Then we kept talking and finally I felt I could trust her and I told her that I'm gay too and she hugged me, just hugged tightly, and told me she had to tell me something.
In practice, as a young girl she fell deeply in love with a gay guy, she was fine with that guy, without sex, because there was respect and affection. She would have married him only with a formal wedding, but she had understood that the guy needed to live his life. In practice, to avoid creating legal constraints that would have complicated things a lot, she agreed to play the role of that guy's eternal girlfriend and encouraged him to live his life.
She told me: "I also met the boyfriend of my, let's say so, boyfriend, and he was a very good guy, but you know we were at the beginning of the 50s and we couldn’t expose too much. In short, they loved each other but they loved me too, like a sister, but they really loved me, then so many years passed and they went to live in Belgium, but we were often in touch, and they came to my town for Easter and Christmas, they came for me because they no longer had anyone here, and we were together a few days. In short, when I hear "gay" it’s of them that I think, and now I think of you too! And woe to those who touch me the gays!" The words were more or less these.
When I was leaving her house she said to me: "I will pray for you!" I made a face a little perplexed and she added: "Of course! So that the Eternal Father makes you happy as you want!"
In the land I never saw old men or woman who did homophobic speeches, strange but true, not even one. Those of my age, and even younger, if you take them one by one don’t make homophobic speeches, but if you put them together, they go wild and don’t stop any more, it's a squalid thing, because they follow the logic of the herd.
The thing is not even taken seriously, they start with more or less stupid jokes and the escalation starts from there. There were very young guys, of eighth grade, who were beaten by their comrades who spat against them. The older guys, those of the last years of school are less stupid and these things don’t even happen, but the kids are really fierce. I wonder what education they received in the family!
There is another thing to consider: I'm not publicly out, but in my country "officially" there are no gay guys, there are many guys, at least 200, if you see the buses that bring them in the morning at school, but there are no gays! Just nobody! Evidently they are afraid and are hiding. I understand them very well, because I did it and I still do it myself.
Nobody knows about me in my house, they don’t ask me questions, because now my parents are just worrying about work, I have a job, it's not a great job, but for me it's okay, my parents would like the moon, but the conditions for a better job are lacking.
Even in my house there is homophobia, sometimes I hear some shivering comments and I cannot reply, otherwise it would be the world war and it is not really the case. That’s why I’m still single. I met some guys through the internet, but never one in person, here it wouldn’t be possible. I don’t know if this is true even in the big cities, but I have my job in my village and I have to forget big cities!

Come out publicly! Gay guys tell me online ... and I answer that they live on another planet. What to do? In my opinion there is little to do.