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GAY SUNSET
#1
Hello Project, I think you have more or less my age, and then I think you can understand certain feelings I feel. When I was a boy nobody talked about gays, at least not as a normal thing, so, also because of the absolute isolation of gays at that time, I never had a partner, only in recent times, in practice as an old man, I met gay friends of all ages, they are quiet people and I'm fine with them, but obviously, except for the few afternoons we spend together, loneliness looms. There are also relatives it’s true, but with them it is as if I was living another life totally formal. By now I'm the old uncle about whom nobody cares. 

The health is what it is therefore I begin to get used to the idea that the future will not be very long for me and then I would like to achieve something before closing shop, but I have a thousand doubts, well it is in these moments that I would need a partner to decide, to give me an impulse in any direction, but over all to get me out of the continuous oscillations that lead me to never do anything. Now I cannot procrastinate, there is a time for all things and now it’s time to choose and to achieve, but basically there aren’t things that have more charm to me than others, I don’t have to share anything with anyone. Among my gay friends there are also guys of 25/30 years and they make me tenderness, they treat me with respect and also affectionately but for me they are like children, they have a future ahead and have a concrete world to achieve, I am at sunset. 

What to do? Have I to avoid choosing, as I have always done, postponing everything endlessly, or Have I to throwing myself somewhere to do something concrete? Project, I don’t talk about sex or love stories, now I live in another dimension, I talk about going to live somewhere else, in another neighborhood, maybe, more than in another city, in a place suitable for elderly people, but it would still be going to live alone in another place and it does not make too much sense, maybe it would make sense to live in the countryside, but alone in the countryside at my age it’s risky, having doctors and hospitals too far for me it’s dangerous. I begin to see in front of me the years when I will not be self-sufficient, if I don’t go away even before. 

It  is strange how things are still indefinite and I irremediably continue to waste time, even when time is objectively short. At least I have gay friends who sometimes call me and luckily I'm not in the hands of a caregiver. I take my liberties, I get up late, I only use plastic dishes and glasses to avoid washing them, I buy things already cooked to avoid cooking, I plan my visits to the post office in order to go there as little as possible, etc. etc. . What's left of gay in my life? In practice there are only my gay friends, it is not a trivial thing and I'm happy that they are still with me, however, now life has gone and things ended up this way.
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