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LOVE AND SEX IN A GAY COUPLE
#1
Hi Project,
you certainly won't be able to remember me. I wrote to you for the first time many years ago precisely in February 2011, on February 18, 2011 (I found the email) and I simply signed Mark. I was twenty years old then and I felt free but at the same time oppressed by my family, which was and still is made up of people who loved me and who love me. You will remember that I have told you many times about my little village lost in the mountains, about the farm and the Pezzatella cow that had grown old with my family and that my father had kept as a pet until she died of old age, because he would have considered a betrayal send her to slaughterhouse. I’m writing to you today because I happened to enter the forum by chance and this fact made me feel weird, I mean that I felt at home. With me you had patience, an infinite patience, it was you who convinced me to go to university, and I went and a world opened up before me.
 
Now I work in the city, I only go to my parent's village on Saturdays and Sundays to spend some time with them, because the rest of the week I stay with my partner in the apartment we have shared for five years. If there is one thing that really embarrassed me for so long, that thing is the fact that my parents didn't know anything about me. They never came to see me in the city, it was always me who went to them. They thought that I lived alone in the city. My mother would tell me every now and then that I had to find a girlfriend, because now I had a position and it was time to start a family. Such speeches seemed amazing and were at the same time discouraging for me because even though we had had living together as a family for twenty years, they hadn't even remotely suspected how things really were. They are simple people, to the point that sometimes I struggle to understand their logic, which is too different from mine. In one thing, however, they gave me a good example, namely in the fact of being a united couple of people who love each other. I've never seen my father and mother arguing. A few days ago I came back from work and I saw my partner, whose name is Gianni, who was cleaning vegetables in front of the kitchen sink, I went up to him and gave him a light caress on the cheek and he looked at me smiling astonished, and I told him that when my father came back from the countryside, after having washed himself he used to go to the kitchen to give my mother a caress of the same kind. From them I learned how to live as a couple, even if they are a totally different couple from mine, and I was very sorry that we couldn't understand each other, because basically the feelings are the same.
 
You helped me to feel free without screwing up my relationship with my parents. You encouraged me to get away from my family for college. I was afraid that my parents would hold me back, if only for economic reasons, but it wasn't like that. My parents experienced my estrangement from them as something natural, which had to be done for my good and they supported me first of all financially, and for them it was a huge sacrifice, but they also encouraged me and the relationship with them was not lost. ...
 
I met Gianni in 2013, because we attended a course on air circulation in industrial plants together, because we take care of these things. I noticed him right away and I liked him at first sight, but I assumed he was straight, because he also wore a gold band, so I kept my distance. It was he who stepped forward, from day one. At lunchtime he always sat at my table. People attending the course, were no more than 20 in all, and came from all parts of Italy, some of them already knew each other and had already a stable group on their own. I saw him sitting at my table and I thought it was because he didn't know anyone, but the reasons were very different. We started talking about air circulation, ventilation, fluid dynamics, etc. etc.. We used to talk in the lunch break and then in the evening, because the course was residential and we all stayed in the guesthouse of our company.
 
At one point I asked him where he came from and he really came from far away (more than 900 km), while I was practically at my house. Then he gave me a speech that I didn't understand at the time but which later proved to have a very precise meaning, he told me that he was beginning to think about moving to my city, because in the city where he lived he was completely alone, then he added with an expression between puzzled and interrogative, that however would have had the problem of the house. I told him that I had a house quite large for two people near the company and that he could give it a little thought. He asked me: "Are you serious?" And I replied: "I live alone." At that time I wasn't in the least in love with Gianni, he seemed nice to me and all in all also a handsome guy but I certainly didn't consider him my charming prince, and then for me, he was 100% straight.
 
After the first days of the course it was clear that Gianni was single, but single doesn't mean gay at all, even a straight guy can be single but he remains straight anyway. Gianni had an attitude that used to struck me a lot and a little called my attention and made me think: apart from the fact that he never talked about girls, he didn't even use to talk about too personal things, he didn't tell jokes of a sexual nature and didn't ask questions, he wasn't nosy, if I received a call on my mobile he would go away to let me talk freely, when he stayed at my room to chat with me in the evening, he used to turn off automatically his mobile, but he never asked me to do the same. Conversation with him was very pleasant but also very disengaged. I liked him and was spending time with him willingly. Towards me he was not shy but respectful, with others, when the opportunity arose, he was rather a joker, and then if he had some free time he would spend it with me.
 
I had considered all these arguments many times but I didn't take into account the fact that he too must have made a lot of reasoning on me, because I too never talked about women or sex and avoided in the most rigorous way to ask him too personal questions. The last two days of the course he slept in my room, because there were two cots and we stayed in my room to talk until very late. By the end of the course we were already friends but I was still convinced that he was 100% straight. He, on the other hand, had probably understood almost everything about me. When we were at the station and he was about to board the train, the separation became melancholy, he reminded me of the proposal I had made him about the house, but I took this as a joke to make the situation less melancholy with the hypothesis of a possible meeting in the future. His, however, was a precise message, of which I then didn't understand the real meaning.
 
In the following days, at least in the very first days, I missed him a little, but I assumed that I would never see him again. The fifth day he calls me on the phone, we exchange social contacts and from there we start talking almost every night. Our speeches certainly did not seem those of two lovers, and on the other hand we weren't lovers, just short callings, even just few words, but calls that are pleasing. He didn't want to invade, he didn't want to become heavy, he wanted me to understand that he was there but he didn't want to take advantage of my time and above all he didn't want to be considered a burden. At first it was he only the one who called me, then I too began to call him, we used to talk every day we on the phone at least a couple of times, but even so I wasn't yet able to understand his real motivation.

About a year later, in the company where I worked, a position corresponding to his qualification had become available and I called him to let him know, if he had come to my city we would have practically worked together, and he, on a technical level, is truly a genius. If he had accepted the transfer we would have become colleagues and we would have seen each other every day at work and outside. When I called him he was delighted, although I think he interpreted my call as a half declaration of love, which absolutely was not realistic. He told me that he already knew and that he had immediately asked to fill the vacancy and he also asked me if my proposal about sharing the house was still valid, but he immediately added that in any case there would be no problem and that “if I preferred to be on my own” he would find another accommodation. I told him that for me the proposal to come and stay with me was always valid, if he had adapted to living in a house that is not very small but is certainly not the Grand Hotel. He replied that it would certainly go very well and that then "for the price" we would agree later, I didn't expect this speech that surprised me a bit and then I just said "ok!"
 
Two weeks later, he arrived at the station on Sunday with a lot of luggage. I had prepared the room for him, everything was in order, besides the room he had a small bathroom with shower all for him. At the station there had been no particular manifestations of enthusiasm, he was happy but restrained, I was happy that he was coming to stay at my house but I didn't give it a particular meaning. He found the room to his liking, then he came into the living room where there was a picture of my sister and asked me: "Who is she?" I told him that it was my sister who was a lot older than me and passed away when I was 13 and she was 21. He was very upset by this speech, I saw him right in a moment of difficulty. He asked me if I and my sister got along and I told him that there was a lot of complicity between us and that for my parents her death had been heartbreaking.
 
On the furniture there were other photographs, one with my parents and me in their arms, one of my first communion and then one of me with a very dear friend named Alberto, with whom I used to study at university. He asked me who he was but he asked me it with too much hesitation and there I had the first flash of intuition about his possible being gay. I told him he was a friend, I was going to say "just" a friend but I stopped right a moment before that "just" getting out of my mouth, but I insisted that after university we had lost sight of each other and it seemed to me if he was happy with my answer, he certainly also noticed that apart from my sister's photo, there were no photos of girls anywhere. Even though he had probably guessed everything about me, he might still have some doubts.
 
I had prepared lunch, but it was still early and we went out for a tour of the city. He was enchanted by the city, he liked it very much. We essentially talked about work, about the organization of the technical office (the office we work for), about relations with senior management, and relations between colleagues. As we were supposed to do exactly the same job we went into a lot of details and we arrived at lunchtime talking about these things. After lunch, which was very short, he told me he would like to rest a bit because he had got up very early in the morning and then he wanted to sort things out in the closet. I wished him a good rest, he retired to his room and I stored in the fridge the leftovers from lunch and washed the dishes and then I too went to rest for a while.
 
After what had happened with Alberto's photo I had begun to ask myself a few more questions, but more out of curiosity than out of interest. After all, he had seen my house, the photographs and a little, let's say, my lifestyle, but I knew nothing about him, he was a friend, of course, he was also at my house, but in a sense we were not on an equal footing. Among other things, I realized that he had never told me about his family. Usually when someone tells you about his family, as I did, you answer him by telling him something about yours, but he never even spoke of it in passing. I only knew that he lived alone and the fact that he had asked to come to my city meant that he had no interest in staying in his, I was just wondering where his parents lived and why he had not tried to return to them. But due to the principle of non-interference that I had adopted, I would certainly not have asked questions, I would have only listened and tried to make my own deductions.
 
In the evening he asked me where all the necessary things for the kitchen were and he began to cook and he knew how to do it! Then we stayed to talking, but only about work, because the next day would be our first day of work together.
 
We began to work together on the same project that before I was working on alone, and I felt like a master, but this situation didn't last long. He had a monstrous PC with specific programs for our work, mostly made by him. I felt embarrassed, because Gianni was really a high-level scientist, I understood that I would have to study a lot to get to keep up but obviously I didn't say anything. I introduced him to colleagues and during the introductions a colleague of mine, whom I will call Ines here, began to flirt with him a bit ... and he seemed to be quite gratified by her behavior, and the situation bothered me a lot. Ines is not a bad girl, if you keep her at a distance you can also live with her but if you let her prevail she sticks to you and you don't get rid of her anymore, she is single too, but single looking for a "qualified" husband and Gianni could be just the right person from his point of view. Months ago Ines went so far as to invite me too to dinner , but at her house and in two! Obviously I have avoided such a dinner and, as they say now, I have begun to maintain adequate social distancing. Ines, even if certainly with a lot of class and ease, because such things don't miss her at all, anyway, she tries to seduce the guys she likes.
 
The presence of Ines next to Gianni bothered me. At the time I saw Gianni only as a friend even though my previous belief that he was straight had already suffered some cracks. I said to myself: "But if he is straight and Ines goes after him, it is obvious that this is gratifying for him, among other things Ines is also a beautiful girl!" In this way I tried to convince myself that I was not interested in Gianni. When we got home, at 6.00 pm, I thought he was going to ask me something about Ines and instead he didn't say anything, while he asked me about other colleagues, notoriously married and with children and told me that he really liked them. I wondered if a straight guy, after Ines' obvious flirtation, would have failed to ask me questions about her, and the accounts didn't add up. I would have liked to introduce a speech on Ines but I avoided it because it didn't seem the case. The dinner was prepared by him and he washed also the dishes, then we got to work on technical issues and the evening went by like that.
 
A balance had been created between us that made it particularly pleasant to be with him. I took it for granted, let's say 80%, that he was straight, but at least he wasn't a straight  fixated with girls! This is where I came up with a wicked idea, I wanted to find information about him and I thought the only way was to have his mobile available. Sometimes when he went out to buy bread or something, he used to leave his mobile in the room and didn't use a password or anything like that and anyway his mobile, from what I had seen, only rang for business calls. I thought he had another one for private calls, but he had one only. The temptation to get into his mobile was great, but it seemed so dishonest to me that I ended up putting the idea aside. One day he told me that while he was out he remembered that he had to make a business call, but he could not make it because he had left his mobile at home. I pointed out to him that he leaves it around in the office as well and then I said to him: "You must always carry your mobile with you because if it ends up in the hands of other people it can create embarrassing situations!" He looked at me and asked me: "In whose hands?" and I told him: "Of Ines for example!" At which he raised his eyebrows, opened his eyes wide and said, “Oh my God! Better not!" and he said it with an expression that didn't have anything hetero!
 
I had added another piece to my mosaic! And I must add that Gianni too had begun to avoid Ines exactly as I used to do. In the evening, at home, I decided to deal with him at least the topic of family and I asked him why he never talks about his parents, and he replied: "Because I don't consider them my parents ..." Then we went to sit down in the living room and he said: "I think it's time to speak out clearly. I am gay, and I think you have understood it for a long time, but my parents never accepted it, luckily I spoke out with them when I already had a job, and I did it so late because I was expecting their reaction, totally cold and self-righteous. I was living with them, but after a week the environment had become so intolerable that I asked my company to be moved far away and I left without even saying goodbye. My parents had my mobile number but they never called me. My father, the last time we spoke, he said to me: "How could you do this to us!" as if being gay was an aggression against them, and my parents are cultured people, ... they will never see me again."
 
At this point I too had to come out  and I said: "My parents are very good people but I have never been able to tell them what I'm because I don't know how they would have reacted, maybe they wouldn't have reacted badly, but for them, for their parameters would have been a terrible blow ... "He replied:" Would you like a cup of tea? " and I followed him into the kitchen, now we were somehow a family for each other, after tea we went back to the living room and he handed me his mobile and said: "At least you can understand a little bit how I lived ... ", I handed him mine and said:" This is mine, but there is nothing interesting inside. " We stayed awake until 2.00 am to tell each other about our lives. My life was much more monotonous, his was richest and with three stories with guys that ended badly.
 
There was a particularly intense moment when I told Gianni that dad kept the Pezzatella cow as a pet until she died of old age, because he didn't have the heart to send it to the slaughterhouse, Gianni was very impressed by this and he told me that as a child he had had a dog as a gift from relatives, his parents had not had the courage to say no, but then the dog disappeared and it was not known what happened to it, and he thought that had been suppressed because it could dirty the house, this thing seemed creepy and violent to me. He told me I still have to talk to him about my parents "because they must be good people." Then we went to sleep totally dazed by the day, obviously in separate rooms, but compared to the night before many things had changed, we had declared each other, then it was clear to me that somehow he had chosen me from the first day we met, so I could assume that he was really attracted to me, but unfortunately for me it was not the same.
 
I liked him, we worked very well together but I was not in love with him. After knowing he was gay, I had no moments of enthusiasm, in short, he didn't attract me sexually. Project, you have written many times that the theorem “gay + gay = love” has not only never been proved but it is misleading, and it really is. As absurd as it may seem, I was beginning to think that I had gotten into a very big mess: he moves from a very distant place to be with me, he comes to live in my house, he is in love with me, we live together but I'm not in love with him! I begin to wonder if and how I could have deluded him, if and how he came to think that his feelings were shared, and in the end I don't know what to think. Being two gays living together and working together doesn't mean being a gay couple!
 
Project, I lived through days of hell, I didn't know what to do, I could have tried to like him forcibly, but one cannot decide to fall in love so as not to disappoint another guy, feelings cannot be pretended. In the end, I take courage in both hands and speak to him very directly. In a way, he expected that speech because he hadn't seen the enthusiastic reactions he probably had imagined. At the end of the speech he said to me: "Ok, I understand, I will look for another room, but at work you will have to put up with me because anyway they would not move me another time at such a short distance from the first transfer " And here I stopped him and I said to him: "If you want to go because you feel uncomfortable staying at home with me, obviously I can't stop you, but if you go, I'm very sorry, I'm not in love with you and I don't want to affect your life, but I consider you an excellent person and I would really be sorry to lose you ... don't go away! " He was perplexed, he oscillated between the temptation to stay and the temptation to give vent to his frustrated pride, then he took a long sigh and said: "Okay, I'll stay!" smiling, I said only, "Thank you!" and then I told him: "Do you like a cup of tea?" and he nodded yes.
 
Over time we began to talk a lot, I tried to make him understand that I loved him but that I was not attracted to him, or rather I should say the opposite, that is, that I was not attracted to him but I loved him. Our coexistence went on quietly for a few months, as usual I went to visit my parents in the village on Friday evening and returned very early on Monday morning and Gianni stayed at home. He once said to me, "Would you mind if I brought someone home when you're not there?" I replied: "You can make to come whoever you want  not only when I'm not there but also when I'm there, no problem at all!" And he just said: "Ok" The speech meant that he had found another guy. This is where the speech got more complicated, I felt jealous, but on the other hand I had told him no.
 
When I was at my parents' house in the village on weekends, I tried not to think about him. He didn't tell me anything about his boyfriend and I didn't ask him anything. At the beginning things went on like this, then one Friday morning he said to me: "When you go to your parents' tonight, can I come too?" I answer him: "But don't you have to be with that guy?" and he tells me. "He said he's busy this week ..." I say to him: "Ok, that's no problem for me, but you can tell my parents that we work together but not that we live together, ok?" and he nodded yes.
 
It was a great weekend. He behaved very well with my parents, he knew how to take them. My father seemed 10 years younger, my mother started cooking special things and Gianni went to help her, it was a strange atmosphere, absolutely unusual for my parents, but
 
they were happy and I hadn't seen them so happy for many years. After dinner, my mother prepared the room that had been my sister's and turned on the radiator because it was very cold outside. We were supposed to leave on Monday morning at 5.00, well, at half past four mum made us find the hot breakfast on the table and loaded him with bags of vegetables, as she did with me. In the car he said to me: "
I think your parents would react well!" I replied: "You have thrilled them, it is true that they are good people but they are very old-fashioned ..."
 
After another week of work he asks me to go back to my parents for the weekend. I ask him about the guy and he tells me: "Well we were too different ..." The story with that guy was over after about three months and I was happy because I was afraid of losing him, not that he would go away from my house but that he would began to have a shared life also with other people, in short, I was afraid that he was no longer completely mine. It goes without saying that the weekend spent together at my parents' house was splendid. They didn't expect to see him again but they showed him forms of enthusiasm that they had never shown even to me. My father took him for a walk in the high forest where there is also narrow a canal, that is, a little stream of cold water that comes from the mountain and with a jump of about ten meters throws itself into a kind of pond of about forty square meters, no more than one meter deep. The place is very difficult to reach, my father used to take me there often when I was a child, but it is quite far from the land downstream that he works for the family and the market. When they returned Gianni was enchanted, he had probably never seen anything like it.
 
At the table my father laughed, and I had never seen him laugh since my sister's death. Mom never ended to load huge portions into Gianni's plate, which laughing said "Enough, enough!" and my mother too let herself be carried away in laughter. I wondered what my parents thought of Gianni, who, for them, was just a work colleague of their son, but perhaps he was also the cheerful son they had never had and after all Gianni too, with my parents, found that atmosphere of a family that he had never lived. By now I saw Gianni as a brother, I loved him, I had realized that our lives would no longer be separated, but I didn't see him as my boyfriend, even if deep down I had never seen anyone like my boyfriend, but I felt happy, it was a strange feeling that I had never experienced before, I almost felt like Gianni's dad and seeing him smile made me feel good.
 
I didn't know what exactly Gianni felt for me, but he had entered my life and also my family. He never tried in any way to force things, to pose as a rejected lover, he even avoided getting too close to me, that is, he kept himself at a certain physical distance. We didn't even shake hands and we didn't even hug each other, all from a distance. He was very private, kept his room in perfect order and his bathroom was as polished as it had never been before. I tried to imagine his thoughts and feelings, because living with the person you love and who doesn't correspond to you can  be terrible, but he didn't give the slightest sign of discomfort, so much so that I wondered if he was really interested in me. Then it struck me that he never complained, that he made no mention of the fact that he wanted more from me. In fact I think he felt very loved and cared for, probably beyond his expectations, and that probably made up for the lack of physical contact.
 
Over time, but very slowly, I began to see him with other eyes, not so much those of sex but those of tenderness. We used to stay up late talking, he told me about when he was a child, about the things he wanted to do then but couldn't do, he told me about the melancholies of when he was afraid that his parents would find out he was gay, when he was looking for contacts on the internet late at night with the fear that his father suddenly appeared while he was on internet looking for guys, he told me of the desperation he felt when he wanted to leave home at any cost but he couldn't because first he had to finish his studies and then find a job, he told me how he studied from morning to night, because if others could waste time, he couldn't, because he couldn't anymore stay home with his parents, but he also told me that when during the interview with the CEO at the company building they told him they would hire him he felt over the moon but he couldn't say anything at home, that for the first four months he didn't spend a single cent because he wanted to scrape together a sum, the minimum necessary, to be able to pay the transitional lease of a small house.
 
When he did it, he was very agitated, he did not know what would happen. One day when his parents went to the countryside to visit friends, he took his things away from home by making more trips but taking only the essentials, because otherwise they would have considered him a thief, and he left without saying anything in the new home and without leaving the parents the address. Parents didn't call him, they acted as if he didn't exist and ignored him completely, he told me he was almost afraid of meeting them on the street and asked to be moved to the furthest possible place. He told me about the loneliness, the fact that he had lost all his contacts and the desperate searches for friendships online, the disappointments, his three sentimental stories that only further frustrated him.
 
So far, let's say, the story was something that could be told to a sincere friend, then I asked him why he fell in love with me, and here the conversation became much more intimate, in essence he didn't know why but instinctively, from the first day he saw me he had thought that he could count on me. It may seem paradoxical, but even for him the sex in this whole story weighed very little. In me he had found a friend and then also a family, a point of reference he had never had. He understood that he was somehow important to me and this thing seemed incredible to him, he told me that he had felt loved, at least for what was possible, but really loved. I sat on the sofa next to him, put my arm over his shoulder and pulled him close to me. It was the first physical contact between us, I can tell you that it was a moment of unimaginable intensity. Then, over time, many things changed, he came to sleep in my bed and I realized that with him I didn't feel at all uncomfortable and that beyond very stupid dreams I could never achieve something more beautiful with anyone.
 
Gianni, then, slowly led me to overcome another huge obstacle in my life, because he convinced me to speak clearly, he and I together, with my parents. The scene was between the tragic and the comic. My parents didn't really expect such a thing and they didn't know what to say, my father stood up and said almost laughing, “Well, I don't know, but do we have to worry about what people may say? If you, guys, are happy, you can keep it for you! And then, if you tell someone and they react badly, you can always send them to hell!… Am I right Gianni?" textual words.
 
We have had our little couple problems too, but they were just little problems. Once I had thought that he too could come to a form of reconciliation with his parents and I tried to suggest him the idea, but he took it badly and he didn't even want to talk about it, for him that was and should have remained a closed chapter. Today, with Gianni, I feel fulfilled, sex exists between us but it is not the substantial part of our loving each other, it is above all a form of tenderness, a way of telling each other that we are in love with each other, in fact in our relationship sex has been the last conquest in chronological order and not the fundamental one. I know that for many guys things are very different, but for us it has been like that.
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