02-13-2021, 03:23 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-13-2021, 03:23 AM by gayprojectforum.)
Hello Project,
I discovered your forum in December and I thought I'd write to you, indeed I wrote you an email, which I quote here below.
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Draft email of 14 January 2021
Hi Project
Nice forum, very rich, I have read several posts, some I understand but others not! Especially those of the older guys, that several times put only melancholy on me. Maybe it's because I'm 19, but 35-40-year-olds seem really lost people who no longer believe in the future. I hope I don't end up with them. I mean that I feel sorry for them, but in my opinion, it is not at all certain that things have to end up being alone or being moderately satisfied with any relationship. I have no experience to talk about these things. I hope to be able to build something beautiful with the guy I'm in love with and I know it won't be easy, he's 21 and he's started a relationship with a 50's, which is just absurd. If you want an older guy you can find one up to 30 years old, but a 50 year old could be your father. Here I'll call Vito The guy I fell in love with. I talked to Vito and I tried to make him understand that he has to change his way, that this is the wrong way, but he doesn't listen to me, or rather he listens to me but then it's as if he hadn't listened to me, by now he's fixated on the idea that he's fine with that man. I don't understand what he can find there? Because the 50-year-old has absolutely nothing exceptional. Sometimes I thought that Vito was even doing it for money and I also told him and he looked at me with astonished eyes and laughed, so I think that money has nothing to do with it, but that's even more absurd. When I asked Vito to go out with me, he told me I shouldn't think about him, that he already had a partner and he was fine. I told him: “But who? That one? " and he said, “Yes. I am not asking you to understand but not to think about things that cannot exist. " And here I didn't manage to held back anymore and I said to him: "With me no and with him yes?" And he replied: "I told you, you can't understand." But what is there to understand? It doesn't make sense, it's enough, even a blind man would see it. I have to help Vito open his eyes and understand that he can have much better. I cannot deny that I would like to be in that gentleman's place and therefore my speech is interested, but, also objectively, making a choice like the one Vito made is really pathological. Besides, I can't stand the idea that he thinks there are things I can't understand. You see, I understand that the 50-year-old goes after Vito, but not the other way around, but Vito seems immovable and has behaviors that I really don't understand, he pushes me away, dodges me, doesn't answer the phone. I text him and he doesn't answer me, it's like he's afraid of me. But I don't understand what he can be afraid of. I waited for him secretly under his house and finally I caught him and he didn't have time to run away and we took a long walk together. I pestered him with questions but he didn't answer me. I thought that he was afraid of the 50 year old and didn't have the courage to say no to him and I told him, he smiled at me and said: "You don't understand anything!" I told him: "Then why do you keep staying with him?" And he replied: "Because I love him!" And here I answered him laughing: “To whom? To that one?" And he told me. "Yup." But is such a thing possible? But what world does Vito live in?
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So far the email I wanted to send you but I haven't sent you, and now I'll explain why. On February 1st, after very strong insistence, I managed to make Vito capitulate, in the sense that he agreed to go out with me, because I wanted to understand why he was pushing me away. We went out and talked and I was shocked because, if I have to believe what he says, he is truly in love with the 50 year old gentleman, that is, in love also in the sense that he is sexually attracted to him and he told me it very seriously. I was upset because I thought Vito had been plagiarized or maybe he had some mental disorder that led him to think like this, then it occurred to me to look on your forum how to interpret Vito's words and my arms fell on the ground because I discovered that in the manual "being gay" there is a whole chapter on these things and you say the same things Vito says and you wrote those things several years ago, so Vito is not out of his mind and what he says "may" be true. Tell me that's not true, Project! Because if it's true the world collapses on me. Vito would rather be with that than with me? Do you realize? But how is it possible that for me such a game must be lost from the beginning? Maybe he has many psychological problems, maybe he was traumatized when he was a young boy and these are the consequences. How do you say these things are normal? They wouldn't even cross my mind. Talking to Vito and then reading that chapter of the manual shocked me. I agree with you on everything, but on this I just can't. What am I supposed to do? Should I get Vito out of my head? Then maybe he changes his mind and finds another young boy who isn't me ... I don't want to lose him, even if I just can't understand him. But is Vito gay like me? Even if we think poles apart about these things? Talking directly face to face he didn’t give me the impression of a pathological case. Maybe we can also be friends, I think he would accept it as well, but I should just keep him as a friend, and it would be hard, because for me, however, he is not just a friend. Project, I’m writing to you because I cannot talk to anyone about this story, if I talk about it with you, at least you don't know him and you don't know me and things remain a lot in general. But what should I do? Is there a remedy? What leaves me thrilled is that he is really in love or at least it seems. Should I leave him alone in his life? Maybe because he's really fine like this? How is it possible? I don't want to leave the game. It can't end like this, it's absurd! I read several other stories like Vito's on the forum and I felt sorry for it, I say it honestly, so it's not even that rare. What can I say to this guy to make him think? I can't get him out of my head. Now Vito has gotten a little used to the fact that I call him three or four times a day and try to keep him talking as long as possible, a kind of therapy, but after five minutes he cuts it short. He does it politely but I think he's starting to get tired of me. I tried to ask him to go out together again but he said no in such a clear way that it annoyed me. He has friends, he also has gay friends of the same age, but he doesn't want me among his friends, and maybe because I wouldn't be just a friend. I don't know whether to say that I feel more sorry or more angry. Sometimes I even start thinking that it will really be a losing game. And then I write to you to know what to do, but you have written it a thousand times that for me the chances are zero! If the email can be of use to some other guy who is perhaps getting into a story like mine, put it on the forum, at least it could help him to suffer less. It's a bad cold shower, Project, sometimes I feel so stupid to still believe in the witch.