09-07-2017, 12:23 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-31-2018, 12:20 PM by gayprojectforum.)
Good morning, Project,
I've read some of your blog pages, those dedicated to gay parents and have opened my eyes on many things, but I would like to have a chance to talk to you a bit, because I think you can help me to find the right way. I summarize here my story, but I would prefer to go deep in private.
I'm 46 and I'm married for 21, my wife is 44. We have only one son, I'll call him Luca, who is now 18 and will take his school-leaving examination the year that is about to begin. I would say that my family life has never been quiet. At the beginning my relationship with my wife was good, Luca was born and everything seemed to go the right way. I've never been too expansive, but I considered my relationship with my wife something very important for me. I and my wife got along well within our relationship, then my in-laws stepped in between us. They are of a social and economic level much higher than mine. The convinced my wife that the relationship she had with me was not the best, and that she deserved much more than that. etc.
The misunderstandings began, always amplified by the in-laws (I had already lost my parents at that time). My wife began to attend an old unmarried friend of hers, this thing made me feel bad but she did not care about. When Luca was four, my wife asked for the separation as a first step towards divorce. I did not want it because there was my child and I did not want to separate from him. The apartment where we lived belonged to my in-laws. I told my wife I would not allow her to have a consensual separation because she only wanted to be with her friend and that was just the reason for the separation. I actually think that the real reason was that she felt frustrated by having married a man like me, which was clearly not at her height.
We still lived together but it was an unbearable thing. We ended up in court, she had the means to substantiate her reasons, I had never thought of getting proofs of her relationship with her friend because doing such a thing repelled me, she shamelessly denied everything and I was considered as a psychopathic husband and father. In conclusion, Luca was entrusted to her, I had to get away from home and I also had to keep up my son. I went to live in an apartment far from the center and far from where I worked and was forced to spend hours and hours on trams and buses I did not even have a car.
I was allowed to meet my son periodically, he used to spend with me some afternoons, and I had the impression that I would definitely lose him because he was acquiring the mindset of my wife and of my father-in-law, always asking for things too expensive, perhaps when he was with me, he felt exiled from his golden paradise, let's say that this plagiarism went on as long as Luke was about 16, then I began to realize that something was changing. When he had his sixteenth birthday, I gave him an old style leather football ball, it was the best I could do. He was happy and told me something I never imagined, so he asked me to take him to my house. Since he never came to my house it was all in a disastrous situations, as it may be the home of a man who has no free time. Luca, with my great embarrassment, saw that I had his pictures everywhere, then he said to me, "Dad, here we have to do some cleaning!" It was the first time he called me Dad! We did two laundries and then we hang out everything, then he wanted us to go to hard court near my home to try the ball, I was in the door and he would kick penalty kicks and kicked them with great force. It was the first time I really felt the presence of my son.
Because of playing football with me he was all dusty and his shoes were ruined but he said smiling, "Well! Better! "I brought him back to his mother but I did not go up as usual, we hugged (for the first time) under my wife's home. As time went on things got better and better, the fact that I did not have money was no more a problem, but somehow he considered it as a merit. About a year ago he began to tell things that I would never have expected, he told me that once he has grown up over 18 he did not want to stay with his mother because there were misunderstandings between them and he thought they would never be exceeded, then, always avoiding too specific subjects, he told me that the mother thought he was a little neurotic and had sent him, practically by force, to a psychologist who was her friend, and added, "but nobody can brainwashing me!" Exactly the day of his eighteenth birthday, he called me and told me he'd be home at about 4pm. I waited for him, I did not know exactly what would happen, he came to my house with a purse and in practice settled in my home. In the evening he told me, "I have to talk to you seriously" and there he told me that he was gay, that his mother had discovered it and that she had done a lot of absurd things to make him change sexual orientation, from economic blackmails to marginalization. I asked him if he had a boyfriend and he told me he had never had sex with anyone but that he had taken a "serious crush" for a friend of his, probably heterosexual. I told my son only (and I was crying) that I was so happy that he trusted me up to that point and I could not say a word. He was the one who hugged me very close, then took my head in his hands and said, "I know I'm really lucky!" The next day we went to Ikea and bought a sofa bed to put in the lobby, to let him have a bit of privacy. According to what I had thought he should have the room and I should settle in the lobby, but he did not want to know anything: I had to remain in the room.
My wife has started divorce practices and this fact for me is liberating. When we were together by the lawyer, the lawyer himself insinuated that I had taken my son off to his mother playing on the fact that he is gay because I would have allowed him to have sex in my house with his friends.
I swear on my head that I knew from my son that he was gay only after he had been 18 years old and that something like the one I had heard from the lawyer would never have come to my mind, anyway my wife did not scruple to tell the lawyer the private facts about her child, deforming them entirely, which seems to me to be shameful and hateful.
Anyway, shortly there will be no relationship of any kind with my wife. As for my son, now that we know each other well, I know he is a great guy and he has not been corrupted by money. Project, I need to seriously understand what it means to be gay because I have a gay son, who is now a grown-up guy, and I want to be a good dad, because my son loves me and this is for me the most beautiful time of my life.
Sincerely [signed mail]