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GAY SEXUALITY AND TENDERNESS
#1
Hello Project, I read the last posts of the forum and I decided to write to you. I read about sexual indecision and also about the lack of a real sexual drive and it is actually something that happens to me (not the indecision but the weak sexual drive), particularly in this last period. I'm 28 years old, and already I feel old, I think that at my age, sexuality should still be able to produce very strong involvements and instead I don’t live it like that. The strangest thing is that I'm absolutely not repressed, I have a steady partner who is four years younger than me and we've been together for almost five years. I love him deeply. Nobody knows about us, we meet how we can and we go to the country where my parents have a little house that has been uninhabited for years. He (let's call him Mark) is a very sweet guy and I feel happy and lucky to have met him. 
 
We met at university, I graduated a little late and he was just starting. I had talked to him just to exchange a few words, and that he was gay had not even come to my mind. Then we exchanged msn and from there everything started. I was fine with him but I considered him as a brother. At that time I didn’t have particular sexual interests, porn videos and masturbation were enough for me, I never masturbated thinking about him, I started to love him but sex had nothing to do with all this, at least as I intended it.
 
He was very careful with me not to exceed and, at the time, I didn’t even realize that he was in love with me. In short, one afternoon he calls me and offers me to see each other. It's about six o'clock and it's practically night, we drive to a parking lot and he takes my hand and kisses it with an intensity that had just the strength of despair, I stroke his head and he hugs me and puts his head on my chest, I held him very tight. I think that this was one of the most intense moments of my life. It was evident that he wanted to go further but he was scared and he didn’t it, I stupidly thought I wouldn’t have to encourage him, because I was afraid of showing myself as someone looking just for sex, and things stopped there.
 
Then we also arrived at sex but the thing had above all the substance of a total tenderness, without limits. Sometimes when we went to the countryside, if it was cold, he crouched under the covers, tight to me, naked, and remained like that, I also caressed him intimately, sometimes we had sex, sometimes not, he fell asleep leaning on me and I felt his warmth and the breath. Frankly, these contacts were more important to me than sex. I felt that we were (and are) in love. We needed intimacy, tenderness rather than technical sexuality.
 
During certain evenings, hugging naked in bed, we talked a lot, really freely, and sex seemed like it was just a marginal thing. Keep in mind that in practice since I met Mark I masturbated thinking about him very few times, I don’t know how to say, it's a bit as if being together had turned off sexuality, not that sex is missing between us, but really it is not the first thing in our relationship. When I talk to him and especially when we embrace, I feel him very close. For us, getting to sex was like telling each other that there were no limits between us and that there was an identification almost on a physical level.
 
He has a sexuality I think much stronger than mine but our meetings are not really dominated by sex. It will seem paradoxical but even if I think that our relationship can last a lifetime, and I wish it with all my soul, and I'm not really afraid of losing him, I almost feel a sense of insufficiency in front of him, as if my sexuality was a bit too sleepy, as if I devoted him so much tenderness but not a true sexuality that instead I dedicate to porn, I'm not addicted, but when needed I go there, while masturbating thinking of him isn’t so spontaneous for me and reading what you write about emotional masturbation I worried a little.
 
Look, I love him as I think I could not love anyone else but it's as if my sexuality were removed from the extreme tenderness I feel for him. Apart from the porn that have a practical purpose because we meet once every 15 days, in these five years I have never even remotely thought sexually about another guy. For me he is really everything even if I struggle to frame him in a serious sense in a real sexual dimension, or at least this is what I think. I tell you, Project, I'm happy this way, even if maybe I'm a little too much worried about such things, I don't know. I also talked to him about it and he tells me that he doesn’t miss anything and that he feels happy like that. I don’t really have any reason to think otherwise, but the doubt that maybe it might need something else is always with me. When I stand next to him I feel totally serene, I don’t perceive body and sex as a drive, except marginally
 
When we are together in practice it often happens that after maybe a more exciting first contact we lose the erection even if we are hugging each other. I don’t think there is anything pathological in this. I hear, however, from other people, that they instead live an overwhelming sexuality and feel very strong sexual drive. Things like that have never happened to us, perhaps we are strange! Project, I had this e-mail read to Mark and he too is curious to know what you think. If you think it is useful, publish it, obviously without personal data. I add you my msn [omissis] and I hope to hear from you soon! Hello Project, and good luck for everything you do!
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