01-12-2020, 06:48 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2020, 07:22 PM by gayprojectforum.)
Hi Project,
I have to ask you a strange question that requires some concrete knowledge of the facts.
I’m 32 years old, and obviously I’m 200% gay, I had my beautiful stories of love and/or sex. I have always been scolded for my lack of sexual initiative, for my letting my partner take the first step in order to limit myself to follow him, for my making too many speeches and little sex, for my insisting too much on the emotional part and reducing the weight of sexuality. Perhaps I could also be repressed, I can't deny that someone judges me this way, anyway I don't feel repressed at all, but my sexuality, let's say so, is much less performing than that of many guys.
Until a few years ago, I thought that when others used to describe their sexual adventures they continually exaggerated the extent of their performances, which at the time seemed to me decidedly disproportionate, but today I have gained my little experience of gay sex, and I can say that most of those stories refer to real facts.
I would have fallen asleep while staying in bed with some guys, not to devalue sex but to live it in my own way, with a warm intimacy, made especially of pampering with my partner, without the need for special or pyrotechnic performances. I like sex, all right, but the quiet one, not the obsessive one. If one evening I see a guy, there is also sex, ok, but certainly not 24 hours a day.
Then they tell me that I'm senile, that “it” doesn't work well, etc. etc. and in fact from their point of view it is somehow so! I wouldn’t go to have sex with the first guy who passes by, I need first of all to fall in love, I need also, sometimes, to have sex, sex is important but somehow it is secondary, when I say this phrase they think I'm crazy, out of my mind!
Sex has a very strong hold on many guys, on me as well, but I would also like a little love. You can tell me: "but who are you to expect such a thing, if the others don't get it?" Well, I would like a little love, the others maybe are satisfied too easily, I don't, if I don't find what I really am looking for, "but how can you expect such a thing, if the others never reach it?" Well, I would like a little love, the others can be satisfied quite easily, it's up to them, but I can't accept a life without love, if I don't find what I really am looking for, I can also feel at ease staying alone.
It may seem paradoxical but I don't know if it is me the one who is different among the different people, or it is the others who are truly dependent on sex. Project, look, I’m not a pathological case, I use porn as all guys do, and my fantasy I know how to use it, but going with a guy just for sex seems very simplistic to me, even if many do it: they meet their partner, they do what they have to do, then they pull up their trousers and bye! It's all over! And see you next time!
A guy I spoke to told me I should see a psychologist ... but what for? I don't experience any form of discomfort. I made my concrete attempts to find a guy "as I want him", but I haven't found a guy like that, so what should I do? Find any one just to have some sex? No thanks! Being with a guy just to do something and then having to worry about how to get rid of him in order to recover my freedom is something that doesn’t appeal to me at all.
Now I’m exploring the possibilities with a guy a little younger than me, he's also a very experienced guy in sex department, according to people who know him, apparently he's very far from me, but something tells me that he could be the right guy. We exchanged only a few glances, he’s very prudent, he doesn’t unbalance at all. My friends tell me I have to get him out of my head because someone like him is absolutely not good for me.
He doesn’t have the attitude of the braggart or of the one who has understood everything, he seems even shy to me. I developed a theory of mine about that guy: he sought true affection and he didn't find any and then he turned to sex. It seems a stupid speech, especially if made by me because I only exchanged glances with him (actually more than someone).
He has beautiful, sweet eyes, he smiles like a child and his face lights up. When he looks at me, if he feels my gaze, he pretends to look somewhere else. Could he be the right one? People say he had his adventures and had many, but frankly I don't believe it very much. He doesn't have the typical snake charmer's way of doing. Project, wish me good luck for this guy! You never know!
Bye and good luck.
Vincent87