11-10-2017, 04:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 07-24-2018, 11:31 AM by gayprojectforum.)
Hello Project,
I stopped sending you e-mails from a lot of time, but last year we have been often in contact and talking to you has been very useful. Today I am sending you this email because new things have happened and I think I could talk seriously with you about those things.
I signed up on a dating site, I know you disagree but I saw almost no other opportunity to get in touch with gay guys. I tried before without putting any photos, but no one sent me messages and then I decided to put a picture of me, a real photo, not the face, in practice a naked torso to just below the waist. You know that I have been training in the gym for years and you also know well of my adventures, or I should better say of my unilateral infatuations for a guy I had met at the gym, but now this is an old story.
At 22 years old, now I'm pretty proud of myself and I think that people can enjoy very much one of my photos. Ok, I know I'm a bit too proud of my body, but I am committed to my exercises a lot. After I put the picture, things changed, I received many messages, most of them only sexual and very vulgar. I did not even answer, just waiting for something different. Is it possible that there isn't another guy like me on the dating site? Is it possible that they are all old and mad with sex!
Then I received a message witty, ironic that joked on my body. Obviously the message intrigued me, it came from a guy 23 y. o. who lives in twenty-five miles from my home town. He also put photos on the site but much more explicit than mine. Project, I'd say a false thing if I told you that those photos haven't caught my attention, they have drawn me a lot! And then belonged to a guy who had sent me a message. I responded trying to keep a playful and ironic tone but, I confess, in my response, I also included a small reference to his photos.
He responded by sending me his msn and asked me to join him there. I was hoping that we could do something on cam, but when I tried to start a video call, msn told me that his cam was not connected, I asked him to plug it in and he answered me that really he hadn’t any cam. We talked a little. I quote here a part of the conversation:
gay elf wrote: Andrew, you wanted the cam to have a little sex?
Andrew wrote: no ... well … I feel embarrassed ... yes, ok, even for that, however, you too, why did you put those pictures on the site?
gay elf wrote: I put them because for me sex is a very important thing in a relationship, if there isn’t a strong push of this kind you cannot go anywhere.
Andrew wrote: but did you meet many guys through the dating site?
gay elf wrote: more than someone
Andrew wrote: and did you have sex with them?
gay elf wrote: yes with someone, and you?
Andrew wrote: I have just joined but I do not look for sex, I would like to find a serious guy to build something together
gay elf wrote: ... and the first thing you ask him is if he has a cam?
Andrew wrote: but you always have to put me in trouble?
gay elf wrote: however I have a cam, if you want to connect let’s go but don't tell me I'm the one who goes searching for sex, okay?
Andrew wrote: quiet! I'm not telling it!
gay elf wrote: That's it! This is me! (he stood up to be seen, but was fully clothed)
Andrew wrote: It's Showtime! You're a really nice guy! (I too stood up to show me)
gay elf wrote: you really are very muscular! Congratulations! But now, come on, turn off the cam!
Andrew wrote: Why? No, come on! Leave it on!
I expected it would come immediately to masturbate on cam but it did not happen. He was playing with me like a cat plays with a mouse, wanted to be prayed, he wanted me to insist but I didn’t want to listen to him and we went on for almost an hour one to wait for the moves of the other, to see who would make the first false step, then he relented.
gay elf wrote: ok, I begin to show me! (He stood up and took off his sweater, shirt and undershirt)
Andrew wrote: Nice!
gay elf wrote: What are you waiting for?
Andrew wrote: Ok ok! (I'm also shirtless)
gay elf wrote: Damn if you're a nice guy!
Project, I'll spare you the rest, but you can understand how it ended up. After something like that I was literally in orbit, I felt happy, I had won my taboo and I had found a guy that I really liked and I started to fantasize about that guy. We say goodbye, I felt really light, flying in a fantastic and beautiful dimension.
In the evening I try to look back on msn but he is not online, I feel upset, then I calm down, try again later at night, but he isn't there and not even the next morning and all the next day. I feel badly frustrated and disappointed, in the following days he was unavailable.
Eleven days after, finally, he sends me a message through the dating site. He doesn't even respond to messages that I send him, but writes directly: "Do you want to be with me tonight?" I feel upset, I try to answer: "But where have you been all this time? I tried to contact you in any way, but where have you been? You made me feel anxious for so many days!" He doesn’t even respond to my questions but insists: "So, do you want or not?" The temptation is great, and I say yes, in practice it is my first time with a guy.
We go to a motel at the first exit of the highway, a neutral place, neither his nor mine. In the car I try to ask him again why he disappeared that way, but he tells me I'm whining and I do not have to be jealous like girls do. I ask him if he ever had a girlfriend and he says that he currently has a girlfriend but that she is not enough for him. I ask if she knows about me, he answers: "Are you kidding?" The situation embarrasses me a lot.
When we go in the room, he is tender with me, not aggressive at all. In short, Project, it was a night I will never forget, I felt pampered, surrounded by all his attention. Everything happened so very sweet. I told him that I did not like anal penetration neither one way nor the other and he said, "Ok, no problem! You have to be perfectly at ease. I told him that I was afraid of the diseases and in practice we limited ourselves to mutual masturbation without oral sex. this fact didn’t create problems at all. We were embraced a lot of time touching each other freely, in short, for me it was a bit like going into a trance, then in the morning we separated and I started having many doubts.
This time too he disappeared for about two weeks and I spent all that time asking myself a thousand questions without being able to find any answer, I'm afraid that he goes with many other guys, I'd say I'm almost sure, and then the girl! I cannot understand how is it possible to have a girlfriend and have sex also with guys and then it was not even stupid sex, having sex with him was a really nice thing. Project, should I worry about all these things?
Until now it happened three times (his disappearing). Sexually I'm fine with him, it is clear that he doesn't want performances from me, for him I’m not an object, at least at the level of sex, but a guy who has to be comfortable and to be happy with what he does. But with this guy I don't even have a minimum of dialogue, I don't know anything about him, I don't know where he goes when disappears and don't know what he thinks. I’d say that at sexual level he would be more or less the guy of my dreams but I'm afraid to wake up from these dreams and find myself in front of a total stranger. What am I for this guy?
Andrew
p. s. If you want, you can post this mail on your blog.
Below you can read a very interesting reply from Alyosha, published on the Gay Project Forum.
“Andrew, you see, this guy is not entirely wrong. Dating sites, ok, but it's not even true that if you don’t put a picture, no one contacts you, if anything, the ones who contact you may be not beautiful people. The substance is that you want one that is physically at your height and if you are well placed I don’t see why not. In the end, if it is about sex, everyone arrives where he can and stops where he likes better. I think the important thing is to tell oneself these things clearly, to recognize in front of themselves certain forms of vanity and one’s own real intentions, if the initial analysis is mistaken it’s possible to come to certain meetings absolutely unprepared and the consequences can be very harmful.
See, if you claim that you only want to fall in love and at the same time you go to look inside a dating site, you only behave as a hypocrite with yourself. Do you know what the consequence of this hypocrisy is? That you have to be careful, and when you feel involved, it's even worse that when you feel not. He's right, dear Andrew, you want a story and ask for the cam? And yet I know what the real reason why you asked for it was, it was not to have sex, but to seduce him.
Of course the body is important, it is the temple of our soul and the more you treat it well the more you are satisfied. But what goes through the physical only is a type of short distance seduction, that ignites easily but unfortunately just as easily turns off.
Clearly, you immediately attracted his attention, that is clear, but after a while he can get tired of you. Assuming you'll keep staying in that dating site, because you're doing like a mouse with the cheese, keep in mind two things, the chances of meeting a handsome guy who is still in good faith are practically 1 / infinite, because that one is you and also just for a while, since after a couple of meetings you will be exactly like everyone else and soon you'll smile sighing when you will hear of a newbie telling you that he is not looking for sex, but asks for the cam.
The second thing to keep in mind is that a person who comes to bed with you at first blow, does exactly the same with everyone else, because as far as our ego can be naive and childish, you must always think and understand that you are exactly like everyone else for him.
In short, make your experiences if you like and protect yourself (first of all be careful about your health!), but don’t expect much more from certain types of meetings, at least, avoid certain disappointments that are frankly written in the premises.
It is better for you to be clearly aware that you too, down there, are looking for sex only and that the only thing that makes you different from the others is that you are in the first experiences and you only look for gentle and patient people. Try to be careful and smart when you select people, it could end up even worse than that if your ability of selection stops at the type of requirements you refer to."
“Andrew, you see, this guy is not entirely wrong. Dating sites, ok, but it's not even true that if you don’t put a picture, no one contacts you, if anything, the ones who contact you may be not beautiful people. The substance is that you want one that is physically at your height and if you are well placed I don’t see why not. In the end, if it is about sex, everyone arrives where he can and stops where he likes better. I think the important thing is to tell oneself these things clearly, to recognize in front of themselves certain forms of vanity and one’s own real intentions, if the initial analysis is mistaken it’s possible to come to certain meetings absolutely unprepared and the consequences can be very harmful.
See, if you claim that you only want to fall in love and at the same time you go to look inside a dating site, you only behave as a hypocrite with yourself. Do you know what the consequence of this hypocrisy is? That you have to be careful, and when you feel involved, it's even worse that when you feel not. He's right, dear Andrew, you want a story and ask for the cam? And yet I know what the real reason why you asked for it was, it was not to have sex, but to seduce him.
Of course the body is important, it is the temple of our soul and the more you treat it well the more you are satisfied. But what goes through the physical only is a type of short distance seduction, that ignites easily but unfortunately just as easily turns off.
Clearly, you immediately attracted his attention, that is clear, but after a while he can get tired of you. Assuming you'll keep staying in that dating site, because you're doing like a mouse with the cheese, keep in mind two things, the chances of meeting a handsome guy who is still in good faith are practically 1 / infinite, because that one is you and also just for a while, since after a couple of meetings you will be exactly like everyone else and soon you'll smile sighing when you will hear of a newbie telling you that he is not looking for sex, but asks for the cam.
The second thing to keep in mind is that a person who comes to bed with you at first blow, does exactly the same with everyone else, because as far as our ego can be naive and childish, you must always think and understand that you are exactly like everyone else for him.
In short, make your experiences if you like and protect yourself (first of all be careful about your health!), but don’t expect much more from certain types of meetings, at least, avoid certain disappointments that are frankly written in the premises.
It is better for you to be clearly aware that you too, down there, are looking for sex only and that the only thing that makes you different from the others is that you are in the first experiences and you only look for gentle and patient people. Try to be careful and smart when you select people, it could end up even worse than that if your ability of selection stops at the type of requirements you refer to."