08-31-2021, 03:33 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-31-2021, 03:33 PM by gayprojectforum.)
Hi Project, I’m sending you a page of my diary, do with it what you want, it’s a love tribute for the guy who changed my life.
“You call me and tell me: I'm coming to you, I need to come to you. I look forward to seeing you, I don't know how I will find you. Last time it was difficult, you weren't calm at all, you had lost your traditional optimism. I carefully prepare our bed so that you can notice an extra gesture of attention towards you. You arrive home, you are upset, very tired, sweaty. You tell me you need to take a shower, while you are in the shower, I change the towel and then I go to wait for you in the bedroom. You arrive with wet hair, rub it vigorously with the towel, then dry your beard, finish drying your hair and beard with a sheet of cleaning-paper, then you put down your glasses and lie naked on the bed, I finish undressing and lie down beside you. You turn to me and hold me tight. I feel that you are totally involved, that having sex with me responds to a deep desire, to a need. You know that I’m happy to be with you, maybe I’m less involved than you because I have a different temperament but you know that I wouldn't like anyone better that you because you are the only guy I really want, maybe because you are the only one who really wants me. By now sex between us is completely devoid of rituals and doubts, you need to feel free, you need someone who wants you without attempting to change you, in sex as in life you are not selfish, you are not dominant, I’m your friend and your lover both things altogether, I never felt like your toy, you never demanded anything, you agreed to adapt to me and take me as I am, you never deceived me. Sometimes I see you shivering with your eyes closed and I'm happy to be able to offer you at least a few minutes of oblivion of reality. Then when you open your eyes, I try to understand what there is behind those eyes, sometimes you smile at me to make me understand that you are fine and that you are happy with me, other times in your eyes I see so much melancholy and then I hold you tighter, to make you forget the world. I’m often amazed at how our sexual rhythms perfectly agree, at the beginning there was some misunderstanding between us but nothing similar happens anymore, you know me thoroughly, you leave me totally free, I feel your attention, your care for me, that care that you will never admit but that shows in whatever you do. We don’t need words, we understand each other even in silence, there is mutual respect between us, it is automatic to ask ourselves in advance if the other agrees, it’s natural accepting the idea that we have to decide everything together, because the most important things must be done by mutual agreement. Our greatest gratification lies in the awareness that the other is there and is happy to be there, that he doesn’t feel uncomfortable but feels really free. You know that with me you can be yourself without filters and that you will be answered without filters. We not only share sexuality but also melancholy and even frustration. Our relationship is not a continuous exchange of affection because we don’t live together, our relationship is made up of separate but very intense moments and we both know that those moments will never be lost, our dialogue is made up of minimal things, of words and gestures of which only we know the meaning. Your unexpected phone call, even a few words that remember the last time we made love, it changes the tone of my whole day, it's a way to tell me: I felt at ease with you and I want to see you again soon! When I see your name appear on the screen of my mobile I start to get excited and I take it for granted that it happens to you too, and I desire to be with you and I know it will not happen too late, a day or maybe two and I will see you again, I will hug you and I will see you shiver in my arms. What I fear is the after-sex, when the love pause is over and the brain returns to the usual thoughts, when it seems that the problems are bigger than us and the melancholies return, but even this fear is slowly dissolving because sex has opened the doors of a more direct and immediate communication. I often wondered how we managed to choose each other and get together because apparently we are very different guys. As far as I'm concerned, your beauty, both physical and moral, has to do with it. When I look at you on the bed I feel lucky because I have besides me the only man I really wanted, who embodies my ideal of virility but also of sweetness. I thought it would never happen and I kept me at a distance, but you got me out of my fears because you wanted me and you had patience, you understood that I was on the verge of running away but you didn't let me. You spoke little but you were a constant presence, I didn’t understand what you could find in me, I thought that in your life I would be a marginal element but day after day I saw that it was not so. Our relationship is ours alone, no one has to ruin it, no one knows we're together. We have no secrets between us, no skeletons in the closet. You know and respect my weaknesses and I know and respect yours. You have beautiful eyes, especially when they smile, sometimes we talk through our gazes and I dream that your eyes can always smile, that your soul knows a deep serenity, the same you transmit to me when you hold me tight."