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GAY PORNOGRAPHY AND GAY CINEMA
#1
Hi Project,
I'm 29 years old, until two years ago, in practice, I only thought about studying and I also got good results. Now I have a job that I wouldn't have dreamed of before, but only now I’m realizing that it’s a job very rewarding but also very stressing ad I would say destructive, It causes much anxiety and exposes to great risks. Even if you work from morning to night you have nevertheless to go through moments of great tension that I don't wish anyone, that’s why I’m concretely meditating to change my job choosing a new job less rewarding but also less stressing, because I don't want to risk dying young to run after money.
 
I don't like social life, I have very few friends, and this is obvious if you don't have time even to breathe. As for sex I confess that I’m a regular consumer of pornography, I don't feel addicted to pornography, but when there is absolutely nothing else and time is also very little, even pornography, which at least has the advantage of not transmitting diseases, is fine.
 
In all the pornography I have seen sex is a very simple thing, you are in front of the guy you like who is waiting for you. Sex comes as the most natural thing and everything happens without any problem, but the fact is that all this has nothing to do with reality.
 
More or less four months ago I fell in love with a guy, and I'm trying in every way to organize my work commitments in order to be able to stay with him at least a little, but courting a guy takes a lot of time, first there is the usual doubt whether he's gay or not, and here too it is enormously more complicated than how they present it in porn movies. The uncertainties as to whether he was gay or not were many and the questions I used to ask myself about him were exactly those he used to ask himself about me. I tried to send him messages that he could understand, messages that seemed easily understandable to me, but he didn’t understand anything.
 
There are a lot of complicated things: first you have to understand if you can trust that guy, and it’s very difficult. Then there is the whole phase of making him understand but without exaggerating, taking two steps forward and at least one step back to prepare for a strategic retreat if the conditions are not favorable, then, when you understand that he is interested, you begin to ask yourself: " Interested in what? Does he like me? Or perhaps he’s just looking for sex with me? Is he interested in sex only? Or is he looking for what I too am looking for, that is, a true loving each other?" We are a lot far off spontaneity!
 
And then you would like to know everything about him but you cannot ask him anything, you say that you want to leave him all his freedom but your jealousy drives you crazy, and in the end when there is a that little intimacy that could also lead to sex, then it’s really an anguish, and problems keep you awake at night: “To make the first move or to wait? A caress? A little kiss? A deep kiss?” You never know what to do. And then you can't run too much, you can't take on a priori roles, you have to try to understand what he's looking for.
 
When you understand that perhaps he could or would like to be with you, then the most embarrassing questions come: “Can I begin to touch him in a clearly sexual way or do I have to wait for him to do it? Does sex have to be done silently? And what if it happens that he sexually doesn’t inspire me? And what if it comes out that he's a strange guy and I immediately regret having started a story with him? What if he’s addicted to sex but only to that? That is, if he doesn't care about me but only about sex?"
 
Yesterday on a porn site I saw a video I liked very much, it had nothing of porn in the sense, let's say, classic, it was a film showing naked guys in non-sexual attitudes. Two handsome guys, but not too much, who stand together naked on the beach and then in the water of the sea, and then play with each other, make the fight, behave just like two kids playing. In short, it was a nice video: no sexual intercourse, but a lot of tenderness, I liked it.
I wondered why producers go on with so much pornography, where there is no tenderness, instead of doing videos of this kind. I think these videos would appeal to gays a lot.
 
I also saw another video, let's say, not typically porn, maybe it was a piece of a serious film that ended up on a porn site almost by mistake. There was a little sex, more suggested than seen, there was a little nakedness, but little, and then there were dialogues between the two guys. The video was from Latin America. One of the two guys tells the other his story and it was a story of poverty and abandonment and the other guy comes close to him and embraces him, but it was all very realistic, that is, it was a love story, not a porn video, I was moved, and I’m a guy who is not easily moved.
 
Why aren't videos of this kind collected instead of porn? Videos with a little sex, yes, a little nakedness but also a little love! I didn’t know that there were videos of this kind, I found them by pure chance, and it was a nice discovery because at some point classic porn becomes tiring, boring, it is always the same thing, there are no actors and characters, there is no story, speech is reduced to nonsense.
 
I also saw a third video on the same site and this time of classically porn there was practically nothing. There were two guys who were tempted by the idea of trying one with the other, but the video was focused on the classical situations of embarrassment, stall, postponement, renunciation, hesitation, self-limitation, which are all things that you experience when you are really in love with a guy and you are afraid of losing him and you want to gain his trust, his respect, his affection. I saw myself in those scenes a lot. Obviously there is nothing easy!
 
In the past I have also seen gay movies, I mean non-porn movies. They are beautiful, but there is one thing that I don’t understand, or rather understand only partially: why don’t we ever talk about the story of a couple of guys but focusing our attention on them, that is, on the couple dynamics, those that matter most? Instead, we insist on the relationship with the outside world, with parents, with friends, with the homophobic social climate and so on. It's more a portrait of a social environment than a gay story. It’s true that gay guys can have the problem of coming out, of the relationship with their parents and everything else, but reducing the life of a gay guy, and even worst, of a gay couple, only to those things is as telling the story of a painter analyzing only the frames of his paintings completely neglecting the paintings themselves.
 
I have often dreamed of being a director of gay films (porn and non-porn), because everything can be done more or less artistically, and I think I could do my work quite well, with few but very clear rules. First of all, only one topic that concerns the gay couple, therefore I would eliminate at the outset any claim to tell the whole life of a gay or a long period of the life of a gay. Much better to focus only on a theme or only on a moment of life and that theme must be "normal", that is, it must be as least strange as possible. Unlikely stories, fantasy ones and those too much intertwined with other themes should be discarded a priori.
 
Secondly, the narration must be slow, through images, completely eliminating the banal and "filling" speeches, otherwise the film becomes a soap opera. The viewer must have the opportunity to become attached to the characters, to enter their psychology, to understand them. Words must be few and important and must end up printed in the viewer's mind. The filling chatter must be completely eliminated. The shots and atmospheres can help a lot, but they must be centered on the characters, who must be shown closely in the moments of their emotional reactions. Now I’m digressing a little too much, but you'll forgive me for this.
 
Then there is the problem of the subject and here I would make a very personal choice, because this is what interests me most. No very young guys who have yet to understand what it means to live a gay life and no depressed and disappointed elderly, I would like a story between thirty-year-olds who have no serious collateral problems, that is, who work, who live on their own, who have few relationships with their families of origin. I would take all previous classic gay experiences for granted.
 
I asked myself several times how I would choose the actors. I myself, when I go to see a movie, I’m not at all indifferent to whether or not the actor embodies my type of ideal guy, in fact I would say that it’s a very important thing. There is an element that makes me an actor particularly interesting and it is his way of smiling. I think I would choose the protagonists mainly on the basis of their way of smiling, their way of showing sweetness, tenderness.
 
Sometimes, reading some stories of the guys from Gay Project, I thought I would have liked to make a movie about those stories. Gay Project has become somewhat of a mine of possible gay-themed movie subjects.
 
End of the e-mail! It was a digression on my improbable director dreams. Thanks for listening to me. Obviously do whatever you want with the email.
Best wishes.
G.P.
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