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Hi Project,
I'm Nicolas, the guy you talked to last Thursday. I was rather disconcerted by having talked to you, or perhaps more than anything else I felt displaced. I had called you for a specific reason and instead we ended up talking about something else, I was expecting a kind of technical advice on sex and things typically gay but it seemed to me that you were taking things from too far, that you weren't addressing the topic directly, that you were approaching it too vaguely, that somehow you had put the speech on another level, less technical, indeed, much less technical, much more abstract, much more emotional than sexual.
You're not a technician of sex and gay world, as I thought, you're a strange thing, an old man, an old gay man, but a happy old gay man. I didn’t expect such a thing. I cannot frame you in my schemes because I didn’t think there were people like you. You don’t need to prove that a gay man can be happy, because everybody can see that you are. I have to tell you honestly, you resized me, I felt like a child who didn’t understand anything about a topic too much bigger for him. I had never thought about the problem of happiness linked to being gay, or rather I had saw it in a much more selfish way, I had heard happiness could consist in seeking the good of another person but it seemed to me the usual sublime speech that has nothing to do with reality. We talked a lot about some nonsense that I had done, you were worried, then when I told you that I had been very health-conscious you calmed down and didn’t misjudge me, I was expecting a bit of reprimand, a sermon or something similar and instead there was nothing like it.
You stopped me in a very clear way just once, and it happened when I started to say acid things about my partner who made me suffer so much. You stopped me and told me: "Don’t judge him, because certain things are a sign of suffering, try to stay close to him." At that moment I didn’t understand the meaning of such a speech that also made me feel angry because it seemed you didn’t understand that I had felt really bad. I asked you what you wanted to say to me and you replied that I would have had to leave Paul only for his own good if I had thought that "for him" it had been better to go his own way, because it was clear that he was an important person for me. I was very impressed by this speech but I still didn’t understand its meaning. We kept talking about many topics and you told me things that I liked a lot, then it was late and we said goodbye, one of the last things you wrote to me was: "Try calling Paul, talk to him, don’t judge him."
Once the chat with you was over I lay down on the bed and called Paul, from what he said it was evident that he was happy to hear me, and I too was happy to hear him, I tried to give him space, not to judge him, to let him talk, we talked for so long, he seemed to me the Paul of the best times, he was worried, he thought he had put in crisis our relationship, then at a certain point I told him:
"You have behaved like an asshole! But I love you anyway!" And he said to me "Do you want us to meet in the afternoon?" I answered him: "Sure!" I don’t know how our story will continue in the sequel but I'm not afraid it will end, there is too much complicity, and the substantial one. Then I thought that if I had not talked to you, I would have been led by a stupid fury and I would have destroyed a relationship that has been going on for years and that I don’t want to lose. One important thing: late in the evening, after midnight, Paul calls me and says: "Do you know that being gay is really a beautiful thing?" At that moment I thought of you, Project, and now I'm writing you this email because you made me understand things that I had never understood before!

Take care of yourself.

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