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GAY LOVE BETWEEN A TWENTY-YEAR-OLD AND A FORTY-YEAR-OLD
#1
Chat of June 24th  2008, 3.00 pm. 

– MaxMi wrote: Hi Project, are you there?
- project wrote: Hi Max !!! How are you?
- MaxMi wrote: Do you have some time for me?
- project wrote: Of course, everything you want
- MaxMi wrote: Meanwhile, thank you for sending me your contact, I often read the forum and for me it was very useful
- project wrote: Thanks! You're telling me something very rewarding!
- MaxMi wrote: But that's right! Project, wait, if you agree, I go straight to the point because I need to talk to someone about what's happening to me. In short, I fell in love, this is the problem!
- project wrote: I wish all the problems were so!
- MaxMi wrote: well, wait, there is some problem, he is 20 and I’m 41, almost 42!
- project wrote: Well, from what you say I see that you are anxious and that you see it as a problem. If you want to make me understand things a little more from the inside, you can try to tell me how it happened.
- MaxMi wrote: In fact, that's why I called you. If you want I start.
- project wrote: Sure, go! But, please, start from the assumption that I don’t know anything about it and that I don’t know you at all.
- MaxMi wrote: Yes of course. Then if there are things you don’t understand and you want to know, stop me and ask me whatever you want. But before you start, I have just a question to ask you, do you also talk to people my age? Because I feel a bit anxious.
- project wrote: Max, look, most of the guys who contact me are from 16 to 30 years old. In general, with guys between 22/23 and over, we face less simple problems. Let's say the 40-year-olds are quite rare, but I've known dozens of them anyway.
- MaxMi wrote: And about what did they talk to you? I mean, were there any who had fallen in love with young guys?
- project wrote: Of course there were, it happened and not so rarely
- MaxMi wrote: And how did you behave? I mean, what did you tell them?
- project wrote: Max, it’s not me the one who finds answers to the problems, only the guys can find them - if they find them - the guys who talk to me.
- MaxMi wrote: In a sense it is true, but one sometimes doesn't know how to behave, and it happens that a guy does terrible messes and I know that I have already made terrible messes. But I need to know what you think about it because I have made a decision and I know that I made a mess even worse.
- project wrote: However, Max, now try to make me understand because I don’t even vaguely know what we're talking about.
- MaxMi wrote: Ok, I start. His name is Mark. I have a blog about motorcycles, my fixed idea since I was a boy. The blog is nice and many guys visit it, so let's say that I keep it for motorcycles and a bit because some guys interested in motorcycles contact me and with the excuse of motorcycles I can maybe spend an afternoon near a nice guy. But don’t think badly, it's not a bait at all! It can have happened in 5 years no more than 30 times. One afternoon spent chatting and that's it.
- project wrote: But do you have a partner?
- MaxMi wrote: No, and I've never had one. Wait, don’t be scared, I had never made love with anyone until I was 41. There is internet and it was enough for me, I don’t know if you understand me.
- project wrote: Yes, but do you live alone?
- MaxMi wrote: yes, but I never took those guys to my house, only at the bar to have an aperitif, then at most in the car to talk, but rarely. I feel really clumsy with sex.
- project wrote: Ok, but we'll talk about this later, now go ahead with the story.
- MaxMi wrote: At the end of February, in practice it is 4 months today, I find a comment on my blog and as a avatar there was a photo of a guy. I looked at the picture and I thought that guy was really beautiful. I clicked the photo and opened his blog, there too a lot of motorcycles! He was a fan like me! The comment he had written was very competent and, let's face it, he was beautiful. I go to see his photos. I don’t tell you how I felt! He was a bit the guy I had always dreamed of, not only beautiful but very sweet. I thought if he had been gay, it would have been very interesting. Are you there Project?
- project wrote: Sure, go ahead.
- MaxMi wrote: I read the blog from top to bottom, and what a beautiful pictures: he alone and not only, in some photos he embraced some girls, but not always to the same girl. You know, the clinical eye! Reading his blog I was looking for items to understand if he was gay or not. There were no gay elements but there are not even clearly straight elements. I decided to write him an email. Can I send it to you?
- project wrote: Yes, of course.
 
ATTACHMENT: Hi Marco, I'm Max. You have a beautiful motorcycle site and you are really an expert (I think a lot more than me). If you want to have a chat, I give you my contact [omissis]. And again congratulations for the site! Max
 
- MaxMi wrote: I sent the message, but in general, no one answers to such messages. But he answered and after a few minutes. I pass you the text.
- project wrote: Ok
 
ATTACHED: Hi Max, I added you, you too have a beautiful site! And I'd like to have a chat with you. If you go to my blog and look for a bit, you can find a picture of an H. D. of 1952, it my grandfather’s motorcycle. Now I keep it like an heirloom. Look at it a bit and tell me what you think! Oh! I added you, if you like I'm online!
 
- MaxMi wrote: In short, we got in touch immediately, after half an hour of written chat he asked me if we could switch to a video call and we did it. It was him! He was amazing beautiful and had a beautiful voice. We have been talking about motorcycles for two hours, then he told me that he had to go and that he would call me. In the following days we got in touch several times, we did not talk more about motorcycles, but about everything. And it was fine. Damn if it was fine! I told him directly that I was 41 years old  but he did not make a wrinkle. So for a fortnight we only chatted via msn. I was clumsy, full of complexes and he must have noticed it. Then one day he proposes me to ride a motorcycle out of town. and i don't wait a second to jump on board! Project, you do not know how I felt, I was falling madly in love and at the same time I didn’t want it to happen. You are there?
- project wrote: Yes, go on, quiet!
- MaxMi wrote: On Sunday we have been around together, all day. The speeches we did were very prudent, but slowly, even if we didn’t explicitly say anything, we understood that we were both gay. Then it was he the first one who broke the ice and I replied "me too!". We sat on the ground talking all the afternoon, I spoke to him as I had never thought I would do with anyone, he listened to me and remembered everything, even in the smallest details. Then he told me about himself and he even started crying. I would have hugged him, but I didn’t. In short, we have not even touched each other. Then we came back to Milan. In the days that followed, the chat was something that belonged only to us, a very private way of talking about us. I now loved him madly. I would have been willing to do anything to stay close to him. I wanted him madly, I had not told him, but he had told me that he had understood it very well because I had not tried anything and that if one doesn't try to have sex with you it's a sign that he really loves you. Project, I loved him, it's true, that is, I wanted him, but I also loved him as a son. I know it's strange but it's like that. You too say that you feel like a daddy for the guys of the forum. Of course I was madly in love with Mark, it is true, but I also loved him as a person and I would have been willing to put myself aside completely, I swear that it is so!
- project wrote: I believe it, I have no reason to think otherwise. Come on, don’t look for excuses, you don’t need any!
- MaxMi wrote: Ok, thank you! Now everything was clear between us but I thought that a 20 year old guy could not really think of me, and then a guy like him could have any guy he wanted, and instead one day he says to me: "I fell in love with you". I feel like dying inside. I know that I have to say no and that I have to do it for him even at the cost of destroying myself. I take the distant speech and begin to give him a kind of lecture to get to the conclusion that it cannot be done. He tells me: "Please don’t disappoint me. I want my first time to be with you!" The thing falls on my head like a boulder. I think he needs a dad, because his father didn’t care about him and I begin to preach just like a priest. It stops me and tells me: "Max! It will happen! I want it to happen." I don’t want to waste my first time, I want it to be with you, you know it, sooner or later it will happen". I tried to postpone, to take time, but I madly wanted him. He played with me, a wonderful thing, I should have been happy but I suffered like a dog, I knew that I had to refuse him but I also understood that doing so meant really hurt him. I was educated in a serious Catholic family, people who tried to do something good and that gave me some principles and I knew that if I said yes to Mark I would have conditioned him anyway and it seemed immoral to me. Are you there Project?
- project wrote: yes
- MaxMi wrote: The first of June he came to my house (he had already been there before) and he took the initiative. I was happy but terrified. Upset up to the incredible. He undressed and lay down on the bed, I was frozen, my heart was beating at 200 beats per minute, then he said to me "Come here near me!" I undressed and was extremely embarrassed. I had never been in a situation like that with a guy and staying with him really upset me, a bit for my erection and a little because I didn’t know what to do. We hugged each other and we stayed like that for 10 minutes. Then he told me. "Now we know each other better and I'm happy it happened with you". We stayed so naked on the bed talking for a long time and it seemed almost normal, we were happy and there were no need of sexual intercourse. The following Saturday he came to sleep with me, we slept in the same bed but we just hugged each other naked. For me Mark is sacred, I don’t know how to say. So what do you think? tell me and then I'll tell you the rest.
- project wrote: Well, it's a beautiful story and I think a lot of guys would dream a story like this
- MaxMi wrote: But you don’t see anything wrong in it?
- project wrote: well, he is 20 years old, not 12, so he is able to understand what he does and, from what you say, he really wanted it.
- MaxMi wrote: Indeed, yes. But then things have changed. I thought I was ruining a young guy's life and that something like that was a bit like taking advantage of the situation. I don’t know how to explain it, maybe they are stupid things, but when I hugged him I felt guilty, I thought that Mark would not have forgotten anymore the memory of those things, a bit as if I were dirtying a clean guy a guy too much clean for me. So I did not feel like going any further and I left him.
- project wrote: But why?
- MaxMi wrote: But I don’t even know, I made myself a lot of complexes, the fact is that I told him that I didn’t feel like it anymore. For him it must have been like a stab, like a treacherous thing. In fact, he didn’t really expect it. He reacted with the utmost dignity, but it was clear that he was struggling hard not to cry. He told me that I was hurting him badly and that I didn’t understand that he needed me, he said "a desperate need" of me. I would have come back but I didn’t and I held on. We greeted each other formally and it all ended up like that. He sent me messages and there was only written: "I miss you desperately!" What should I do Project?
- project wrote: Max, but what would you do, just following your heart spontaneously?
- MaxMi wrote: I would call him right away, but I know I don’t have to call him.
- project wrote: Max, call him right away, don’t make him suffer, it's not fair!
- MaxMi wrote: Ok, I'll call you later.
- project wrote: I'll you later, bye!
 
Chat of June 24th 2008, 10 pm
 
- MaxMi wrote: Are you there?
- project wrote: Yes
- MaxMi wrote: Project, I love him madly, now I feel happy again, he must have suffered like a dog too. He was very sweet, just happy. He told me that if sex scares me he is willing to stay with me without sex, but he wants to be with me, damn, how he seems in love! Project, but is it possible?
- project wrote: Of course it's possible, in fact I think it's exactly like that
- MaxMi wrote: I love you Project and I love the world! It doesn’t seem true to me to live like this, I at 41 I had let my life completely go as if everything was already defined, and instead at 41 I was born again! I also told Mark about you and he wrote you two lines, what do I do? I send them to you?
- project wrote: Yes, of course!
 
ATTACHMENT: Hello Project, thanks for what you did for me! Now I feel happy.
Mark
 
- MaxMi wrote: Now I'm going out, I'm going to meet him, because tonight he is at my house, if you're there, we'll have a chat in three!
- project wrote: For me it would be great, but I think you have better things to do! A tight hug, Max, to you and Mark. And let's stay friends! Ah, sorry, can I ask you something?
- MaxMi wrote: Yes, whatever you want!
- project wrote: Can the text of the Chat be published?
- MaxMi wrote: Of course! If there are identifiable personal things, delete them, but I don’t think there are such things. So, shortly, I can reread my story on the forum wow! I know it’s not something for forty years old, almost 42, but the fact is that I don’t feel like a forty-one, I don’t feel so anymore. Mark also greets you! A hug Project and see you soon!
- project wrote: A hug to you! Bye!
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