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GAY GUYS AND BOYFRIENDS OF BOYFRIENDS
#1
Dear Project,

It was a pleasure for me to be able to talk to you last night, in fact you were the one who listened without giving negative judgments and trying to understand.

You know I've been in love with Marco and that we've lived together a beautiful story, at least for the time it lasted, then he told me he thought he was in love with another guy (Andrea) and then we broke up, but we broke up without grudge and rancor. Marco did everything with the utmost clarity, without any subterfuge. I set aside to avoid creating him any conditioning. 

Marco and Andrea came together. Sometimes Marco called me on the phone (I never called him) and we talked a bit, for me this was a very nice thing. He told me that with Andrea he was fine and he was talking about him with affection. I was calm, I felt Marco pleased, I felt he was much better now with Andrea than when he was with me. 

Things have been going on so for many months, then, between Marco and Andrea, something broke and they began to entrench each one in his own positions and, over a period of a few months, their story was over. Marco did not tell me why it happened, and I did not ask him questions about, but somehow I realized that Andrea had taken very harsh positions and that it was just Andrea who broke the couple's tie. 

After talking to Marco, I suggested him to contact Andrea and overcome misunderstandings (although I did not know exactly what it was all about), but Marco, unlike his usual, was irrevocable: "I miss him to die, but he is the one who wanted to break up and it makes no sense that I try to put the pieces together." I and Marco started to meet again, and sometimes even to have some sex, but after sex I did not see him serene, he was aggressive, elusive, spoke little, and tended to go away immediately. We went on this way for a while, then I thought it was the case to put aside sex, but he insisted, I deceived myself that an emotional relationship like that of the early days would be born between us, but that did not happen. He insisted, I sometimes, a little unwillingly, told him yes, but after sex it was a disappointment both for him and me, it was as if the relationship between us had been reduced only to sex. 

A few days ago, he calls me, we talk, he proposes to have some sex, I tell him no, but this time he does not insist and the conversation goes on. We talk a lot, then he tells me that Andrea called him, apologized to him and asked if they could meet again and he told Andrea yes. In telling me this thing he was very synthetic and almost fearful, obviously he did not know how I could react and he was surprised at my reaction. I told him: "You see how deeply you leave your mark! Whoever likes you does not forget you, because you're just a person of another level. And then, if Andrea, after months, by now, calls you to apologize and to meet you again, this means that he is a good guy who doesn’t make stupid matters of principle, he is one who can put aside his own pride because he loves you!" We greeted very quietly, he realized that I was happy that he had come back with Andrea and he also realized that the relationship between us would not be over. 

Obviously no sex, but anyway so much love. When I closed the phone and went to sleep, because it was dark in the night, I felt light, I had felt Marco serene and it was a long time I did not feel him that way. So far the facts. 

Of course Marco did not talk to any of our common friends about this, but I had the weakness to do it and I regretted it. I told the top facts to Sara, who said, "But you're just a fool!" She read the whole story in terms of betrayal, lack of loyalty, and so on, and she didn’t really understand the logic behind all the talk. However I was quiet because Sara did not know Marco and the talk was very vague. 

Then I talked to Alfredo, who is my friend for many years, he is straight and knows that I'm gay. He listened to me in silence, did not interpret the facts in terms of betrayal, but he looked at me as if I were a rare animal and, by what he said to me, I think he did not really believe what I told him. For him, such a story simply does not make sense. 

So I looked for you on Skype to know what you were thinking about my story and I found a completely different answer. I asked you, "Do you think I can really be happy in such a situation?" And you answered me. "If you really love Marco, I think it’s possible," and from here came the whole talk that the goodwill is never selfish and that happiness can also be found in seeing your ex-boyfriend happy. 

Talking to you I felt comfortable, that is, I did not feel cretin  but a guy in love who to see smiling the boy he loves would really do anything. This morning, after three days of intermission, I felt Marco (of course he called me), and he was just another Marco, he was serene, he wanted to talk. I told him that I was happy to hear him this way and that for me there was nothing nicer. He told me that I was a very important person for him and that he knew he was a very important person to me, then we greeted and I felt a sense of serenity within me. 

I do not know if such a story is very gay, but to me, with the girls, nothing similar ever happened, maybe because I never really fell in love with a girl. Sara believes I have stopped attending the girls for craving desire of gay sex, and probably for this reason she does not understand anything about my story with Marco. I think many gay guys can find, at least strange my story, and yet things just went so. On the first day that Marco told me that he had met Andrea again, I was happy, but I thought that sooner or later I would have started living with discomfort, maybe that would have happened if I had really lost contact with Marco, but I keep on hearing him and I feel happy. 

He is not happy to be with me but to stay with Andrea, but he is really happy, and I've seen so many bad moments of depression of Marco and now I feel calm because I see him calm. I have asked many times, especially in my first gay times, how would I react if I was left by my boyfriend. I knew what it meant to be left by a girl and for me, that wasn’t straight, it wasn’t certainly a shocking thing, but being left by my boyfriend then seemed to me like a tragic, unbearable thing, in practice a life thrown away. 

Marco is no longer my boyfriend, and I think that now it is an irreversible thing, yet I know he loves me and we will continue to call each other. There are so many ways to feel good, before my story with Marco I thought there was only one, but now I know that you can be happy also for the happiness of your ex-boyfriend.

Dear Project, you have an infinite patience and also a great respect for people and these are rare things. I think we will still get in touch, even because about this story I can talk seriously only with you. Obviously, if you want, you can post this mail on the forum, names are not real ones and not even those I used in previous mails, and references to the facts are very generic.
A strong hug.
Paul
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