04-29-2018, 03:03 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-29-2018, 03:41 PM by gayprojectforum.)
Hello Project,
it's me again, George. I know very well that I'm bothering you every day, isn’t it? I don’t know, sometimes I have doubts, you never you never get angry. Oh well, but I would like you to at least get to understand what trouble you have thrown me into! We had a fight several times now and I closed the chat in your face several times, because I thought you deserved such a treatment, but then I called you back and sometimes it costed me a lot.
But now, let's admit that all the things you tried to put into my head are right, all right, admitted and not granted that I’m gay, and look, admitting it to me is really a very difficult thing, because I cannot stand the gay word and then, let's say, seeing it associated with me makes me just upset, however, ok, ok, it may be as you say, in fact maybe it's just as you say, but because I cannot try to change direction? This is what I don’t understand, I I've felt I was hetero for years and this curse of being gay is a matter of only a few months. I don’t know, perhaps I got a gay intoxication, but it is something that then passes, I sleep a bit over, then I wake up and I'm straight, it is not that it should last a lifetime, now it is as you say, ok, but now, but tomorrow it’s another day. Do you understand what I mean?
What should I do? Should I look for a guy and all the trouble that comes with it, and why? To realize in a month that gay drunkenness has passed and that in the meantime I have been thrown into a huge mess? No! I say that passes, maybe not immediately, but according to me it will pass, because I don’t feel such things so strongly every day, we have talked a lot about. I look at guys, and that's fine, but I don’t become crazy for them, I told you about the gym, but even straight guys do those things, that is a way to joke, to play. You see serious sex everywhere, I like gay games, ok, so what? It's nice, I have to say, yes even on a sexual level, but I think those things are nice even for straight guys, because you understand a lot of things about gays, but about straight guys you don’t really understand anything, because straight guys are much freer with gay things than you think. At least the guys I know.
I told you about Alfred, a guy 100% heterosexual, but do you think that he don’t even have fun with gay things? In my opinion, he has fun with gay sex exactly as I do but on someone like him what doubts can you have? Is he gay? Did you understand what I mean? You schematize too much, but the boundaries in these things are vague, instead you stick labels at full blast. I'm fine with Alfred, I know he's straight, but I'm fine with him, while I cannot stand at all pansy guys. That is, I think that a straight man (someone like me, because I still feel hetero in spite of your evidences) can also have some gay fun. Why not? I don’t know, but I think that with a man I would not feel at ease, I had the fantasy and more than once, but I know that I would not be well, that I would not be able to live with a man, but because shouldn’t I joke with friends? It's just about making fun, even on a sexual level, but why, the straight guys don’t do these things? But they do it a lot and they are straight!
Project, honestly I'm not too convinced that the things you say are all right, ok, most probably are, but basically, I don’t say that I don't feel absolutely gay, maybe a little yes, let's say 70%, now as now, however, for me, it could be quite another thing. Shame on you! I would twist your neck! You started putting a lot of doubts in my head and those doubts are working on me and just put me in crisis. But I can’t really read the things I do as strictly gay things. You can say that I don’t want to accept such an explication, but it is not true, because I gave you reason to 70%, but you have to leave a 30% for different explications.
Then you put into my head all those stupid things about loneliness. I'm alone, ok! Yes, I don’t have a girl and I don’t care to find one but I don’t care even to find a guy. But why? A guy my age cannot just think about having fun? Do you mean I have to put myself together forcibly with someone else? But who said it! I'm fine like that, I don’t care about the dreams of others, I now want to enjoy my life! But, Project, apart from these things, the fact that straight guys make some gay fun is very true. You don’t know these things because you talk only with gay guys but talking with straight guys you could realize that certain behaviors that you consider gay, in fact, are not just gay! Straight people are much more uninhibited in gay things than you imagine. Perhaps such things are not things of love, maybe they are things of sex only, but nevertheless they do those things, and they remain 100% hetero. It is not true that the two worlds are so divided.
Woe to you if you tell me that this is a reasoning completely devoid of foundation, because it’s a serious reasoning and I think it deserves the utmost attention. I'm not looking for a loophole anyway, if I have to adapt to the idea of being 100% gay, well, I will adapt! But I think that my reading of things has a very serious basis. I'll be waiting for you in the chat tonight and I want to see how you will handle it! Seriously, but is it possible that someone like me should end up 100% gay? No! In my opinion it is not like that!
G.