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GAY SEX AND HYPOCRISY
#1
Hello Project, I see that the forum is almost abandoned and I don’t like at all such a situation, because the forum helped me a lot, especially the reference text on homosexuality ”Being Gay”. It helped me to open my eyes and not believe the mountain of absurdities I had read around the internet. Because in fact, a boy finds himself disoriented above all by not knowing things or by having false information and then is there someone reliable who can answer questions about gay life and gay sex? Certainly there are not so many! If you get to the forum you can read and remain anonymous, what is not dangerous at all, you can take as long as you want reading and browsing, in short, it is something you need. But now I come to the point. 

The respect for gays is a good thing, no problem, but you say and repeat that for a gay boy, today, finding another guy and live a true love story it’s something really possible. And here I don’t follow you, Project, I’m not very young, I’m 28 years old, and have had my experiences, I’ve had a lot of guys, at all levels, I mean, from stories that seemed the fundamental thing in life and the incarnated fable, to disengaged stories of only sex or a little more, if it happens. 

I never found real dirty playboys or people who just wanted to play with me, everyone had his motivations, more or less as I had them, but then in the end, inevitably, the stories faded, just ended up in nothing or became friendships more or less washed out, and yet I passed from one story to another, less and less convinced that the next would be the definitive one. In the end it becomes a kind of game, you just lack the basic thrust to take things seriously and even on the other side you see that it’s the same. 

The guys I met, all in all, were good guys, everyone had his weaknesses and his fixed ideas and we never have been able to find a balance I don’t say perfect but not even approximate and this also in sex, I found very little spontaneity, for the most it was about repeating a part, the same part already repeated several times with other guys. 

Sometimes I felt that I was just the replacement for another guy who was not there, as if to say that my partner of the day was actually thinking of another, but since that other guy was not there then I was better than nothing. It’s not that I’m scandalized, for heaven’s sake, but it’s not the best. If you don’t even think about me when we have sex, it means that you never really think about it. I have also practically lost my spontaneity. I usually let my partners do, I don’t take initiatives, a do so just to see how things go. Many are hypocrites, they come with me only to have sex but they don’t want to admit it and they make an endless rigamarole to make it look like they do it to please me and I cannot stand these things and so I enjoy provoking those guys. 

But I have to tell you about the guys connected to the church. They are gay to the bone, they run around me in a pitiful way, but for them to admit that what they are doing it just hunting for gay sex is not really possible. One stressed me with a ruthless and sticky courting for a long time. Once, in his house, he hugged me in a very sensual way, I told him: ”Go ahead!” But he told me he was not gay and he was just confused and he apologized a thousand times, not even two hours later we did what we had to do and then he told me that he felt dirty and that he did something he didn’t want to do and that he thought that what had happened would cause me a lot of trouble. I told him that he hadn’t created problems of any kind because we had used a condom. 

Note, Project, the ultra-catholic and full of scrupulous type, had bought a pack of new condoms on the very morning when he knew I would go to his house! But he didn’t want to do it! I cannot stand the guys who do the dramas for a bit of sex, it’s just a bit of sex, the world has not collapsed, after, in fact, nothing changes for me or for you. What I cannot bear is the fact that some guys are just hunting for sex and instead they talk about love, they have learned by heart all a bla bla as fake guy in love, just movie stuff and they show it in front of you as if it were all true changing their face to suit the circumstances and modifying even their voice, they are just actors in the first category, but I cannot point it out to them, otherwise they attack me ... they are serious guys and I’m the one who went crazy for sex! I have sex and I like it and I say it, they on the contrary have sex, but they have complexes and don’t want to admit it and then for them I must be the one who went crazy for sex. 

One also made obscene suggestions to me (obscene on the reverse): ”We have to continue to see each other but we don’t have to have sex anymore!”. I put him to the test, but the next time the whole script restarted from the beginning: the acting as a lover, then a bit of sex and in the end so many complexes and the usual proposal: ”We don’t have to have sex anymore!” So I ask myself, but are they really so hypocrite or they pretend? One had a girlfriend, and according to what he says he was also having sex with her, but he also went to Mass on Sundays, and this already sounds strange, but there’s even more. 

He was also my ”friend” and yes because to define the thing he used only this word, because he was ”hetero”, even if he didn’t behave too much as a friend, looking for moments of intimacy and stretching his hands, then I stopped him, because I like to play with these guys, and I said to him: ”Ok, you’re a nice guy and I like you too, but you have to admit that you want to have sex with me.” And then he was in crisis, because he would never admit it, and so he remained dry mouth i too went dry, unfortunately. 

The next time I didn’t make any premise and things automatically slid into sex and, later, I said to him ”You saw that you did it!” And he replied: ”But you provoke me, you don’t have to, because so you put me in crisis, try to understand it!” 

A guy once wanted me to have sex without a condom and I told him: ”Nice guy! Do you think I drank my brain?” And he insisted he was hiv negative, ant it was the first time for him ... nothing less! The first time! At 30! Now let’s try to sum up: guys like that are good for a bit of sex but I cannot put myself with a deranged one like that. I need an honest guy, maybe or even better, crazy for sex like me, my way, but not fixed with other things and above all not used to telling people and telling himself nonsense, however, Project, until now I have not found anyone this way. 

I am not at all convinced that for a gay to be in couple is the best thing and I think that in essence there are many people who think so, even if they will never admit it because guys like very much the story of the charming prince even at 30 years. If and when gays will be allowed to marry, well, I don’t think I’ll ever marry, because then it would end in a divorce soon. Maybe as an old man, at 50 years and over, one might think about getting married for the survivor’s pension, if guys from my generation will ever get a pension. 

Project, but why is there so much hypocrisy on the part of gays? One should say, ”I’m gay and I’m happy to be so, and I like sex too!” But no! The world is full of half-gays, I’m not talking about the closeted ones but about gay people who pretend they are not even gay when they’re having sex with a guy! 

I also come from a Catholic family, but then I said: No! That’s enough! I cannot live on hypocrisy, I want a life my way, maybe that creaks from all sides but without acting, without fictions of any kind, well, I have not yet found guys who reason like me. I want a real gay guy who is happy to be so, and doesn’t make fun of himself and me too.
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