08-21-2018, 12:35 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-21-2018, 12:36 PM by gayprojectforum.)
Hello Project, I am a 27-year-old guy, I don’t know why I write you, perhaps because I’m disappointed and pissed off and I need to blow off steam.
A friend told me about this gay place a few nights ago and I was very excited about the fact that it is a different place from the others, a clean and sincere place, where write guys who have little to do with the usual guys addicted to chats, dating sites or clubs, sensitive guys, with a sense of morality, who make beautiful speeches etc. etc..
He knows how I think, or better he knows how I thought a year ago about certain things and he thought to give me a kindness giving me this advice not knowing that in the meantime I changed my opinion.
So I'll explain, I've never had so many problems in understanding that I was gay and to accepting it. And at 16 I had already started going out with other gay guys like me. I also had my sexual experiences, and had several gay friends with whom we went out, we talked, we had fun but among us there was also sex, but nevertheless we just stayed just friends.
At school I was fine, with my parents no problem at all, I had made my coming out with the closest friends. Then at about 20 years old, I began to have the desire to build something completely mine with a guy, to fall in love and really love someone, but it seemed very difficult and now I'll explain why. I did not want to find a guy publicly declared as were my friends or who frequented or attended certain environments and had had many sex experiences because I thought things would never work, starting like this, and that there would be betrayals and no real interest in making the things last long. Briefly, I wanted a well-meaning and undeclared guy who didn’t hang out on gay-labeled clubs. But finding a guy like that is certainly not easy and I've never had this famous gay-radar that's probably just bullshit.
I was studying physics at university and I had the idea that not a single student of physics could be gay except me. Instead I was wrong. Maurice was a year older than me and we met in the classroom by chance. We immediately bonded and became very close friends, I found myself in love with him in less than a month. He was a perfect guy for me, as I imagined him, that is very sweet, serious, thoughtful and likeable, a little shy and he was also very nice.
Luckily I knew by chance that he too was gay, I'm not going to explain how, otherwise I would do it too long, and knowing it I started to unbalance me and make him understand that I was in love with him. Maurice was resisting because he was not declared to anyone and had no experience and was ashamed of it, but in the end we got together.
I was in seventh heaven, I really loved him and I did everything to make him feel good and at ease. Regarding sex he was a bit clumsy and always afraid to make mistakes but I reassured him and gave him all the time he needed. I thought that things with him could only get better and better, after two years we were very close as a couple and with sex everything was fine now.
Then a friend of mine tells me that Maurice betrayed me, I didn’t want to believe it but there was evidence. At the beginning, Maurice has also denied and only when he was already embarrassed and he didn't know what to invent, he said that it was true and he even started crying, he begged me to forgive him, that it was a mistake, stupidity etc.
At the beginning I also sent the toad down, I was pissed off and not so much for the betrayal as for the lies but I thought to believe him and give him confidence, but it did not last long.
However, he used to look around, to try to meet new people, in short, it was evident that our couple wasn't really satisfying for him. When I confronted him he also accused me by saying: "Thank you very much! You have had your sexual experiences, I on the contrary didn’t have any, and to judge if one is really at ease in a situation, comparisons are needed." We broke up. I thought: “I found the rotten apple, what a misfortune!” I still believed it.
But Maurice was not the only rotten apple at all but was just a prototype of the good guy, because later I met many other guys and even older men more or less like him. Guys who believed in love, who wanted to find a guy to love, with whom to build a future, guys who wanted sex only with the right people or out of love. Serious and good guys! And then? Always the same stories! There are those who after a while have to look around. There are those who would like to cheat but are also afraid to stay alone again and therefore they don’t cheat but only for this fear, not for you. There are those who have spent years dreaming of having a boyfriend, of falling in love with a guy who lives just for them, of living together and then in reality they do not know what to do, they are idealists,
they don’t give in to the normal compromises of a normal story with a normal guy and they prefer return to dreams rather than live reality and they easily send everything to ruin for bullshit. There are those who seem to love you in a total way after not even a week together, that seem willing to any action for you, end when you try to make them understand that there are words that mustn’t be used lightly as "I love you" and that it is difficult to love a person and it's not something you learn in two minutes, it seems that you don’t feel anything for them and you are breaking their heart, when they, at 35, maybe are still in the stage of not being able to distinguish a crush from a falling in love.
You will say: "They all happened to you only!" I thought about it too but then talking to other gay guys I realized that in the end one should not look for those "good gay guys" but just avoid them! That in the end it is only a reverse prejudice thinking that they are the only ones with which you can build something serious, and that the guys who have a freer and more uninhibited life are the ones who are not very serious ... No it doesn't work at all like that.
I'll tell you more, one of my longtime friends has been with a guy for eight years and they are a couple like the one I dreamed of. Yet they started as an open couple, they were all right together as people, they loved each other but sex they could do it with those they liked, in sincerity, without subterfuge and betrayal and many words of love and promises in the wind. But in the end they slowly built their relationship, they understood that they loved each other and that sex was more beautiful between them than with others. They took time, the right-thinking people could only judge them and attack them and say that it was just for convenience, that they didn’t respect each other, etc., but now they are, I repeat, a beautiful, close couple, a strong couple full of projects and enthusiasm and I with all my fads about good guys I'm alone and so disappointed that I do not really care about being in couple anymore. That’s all, Project.
Thomas
P.S. if you want, you can publish this email maybe it could be useful someone who has the same beliefs that I once had. Better a cold shower now than years lost to chase the wrong people.