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Hello Project,
your forum is very interesting but I could not register, I had to look for your e-mail on the Italian forum, because there was not here. I sent you a short e-mail and you answered in a surprising and unexpected, almost enthusiastic way. In fact, the users of the forum are very few. I read your "Being Gay" manual and found myself there. I have seen that now your e-mail is also accessible on this forum and you have changed the registration procedure just as I suggested, and I'm glad of that, because I think it could increase the number of people registered in the Forum.
Now, however, we come to the question I would like to bring to you. I’m gay but I’m also married and have two children, whom I love very much. My wife is a good woman and I love her too, but even if going with a woman does not cause me repulsion and with a little good will I succeed in completing the intercourse with a woman, my sexuality is certainly not straight neither bisexual.
I forgot something important, I'm 38 years old. I have never betrayed my wife with women or men, but I have made many fantasies about so many guys I know, and I have known some of them for several years and we are also friends. Those friends involve me sexually, even if only with their presence, much more than any woman in the hetero theoretically more engaging situation could do.
With those friends I go on vacation in the mountains, for two or three days, more or less once a month, we are generally in three and this prevents me from slipping towards forms of sexual involvement, but I can say that I wait for the weekend in which we will go to the mountains as one expects a day of total involvement. We sleep in the same room but in separate beds and it is so cold that we go to bed bundled up and therefore sleeping in the same room doesn’t even encourage the slightest sexual involvement.
Of the two friends who tempt me the most, one (John) is 35 years old, married and has two children (but this means nothing, because I have two children too!), The other (Paul) is 31 and by what I know, he has never had a girlfriend. When we go to the mountains we never talk about sex, in theory for the privacy of our wives and not to put Paul in trouble, but perhaps above all to avoid dangerous speeches.
What amazes me about these short winter holidays, is that we never get bored, there is a magical atmosphere, I see that they are happy, that they are very free in their behavior, it is as if something related to sexuality wandered anyway in the air. We smile, we laugh, we talk about our weaknesses, for example the need for cuddling, wanting to be children inside, not feeling grown up, and so on, then with some more beer, the atmosphere becomes very hot and almost sexual.
Some erections can be seen but we don’t go further. There is a wonderful atmosphere of an exclusively masculine environment, I would say that between the three of us there is a very involving real affective union.
Here, Project, I wonder what all this has to do with homosexuality? I tried to tell other friends a story similar to the one we live in, but they trivialized it, they laughed, they said nonsense. I wonder: do straight guys and men also experience forms of male involvement like those we experience? And I'm not saying I but we.
Recently there has been an evolution throughout this story. My wife must have understood the meaning that my friends have for me. She encouraged me to go on vacation with them because she tells me that when I come back she sees that I’m happier, and actually it is.
She added that she loves me as I’m because I’m a good person and she understands that I must have my freedom. This speech baffled me, but positively.
Of course the fantasy runs ahead and it is difficult to stop it, but I have found my own homosexual emotional world. For sex, well, I do it myself. With my wife, there has been no sex for years, but she doesn't feel frustrated, because for her, sex was never the fundamental interest. All in all I don’t feel frustrated, neither on the straight side, because I have a wife and two beautiful children, nor on the gay side, because I have a real gay world and I think I will not lose it. Now you understand, Project, because I chose the HappySoul for my nick!
First of all, I welcome you to the Forum!
In fact, the HappySoul nickname is nice and now I also understand what your happiness depends on.
What does the story of you three have to do with homosexuality? I believe that it has a great deal to do, I'm not saying that your friends are necessarily gay, because even straight guys live deep friendships, where there may be some vein of gay sexuality, which certainly does not put their heterosexuality in crisis. From your point of view, from everything you write, it is clear that your mountain weekends have a sexual value. 

Sex is a pervasive reality linked to the perception of a person's pleasantness. It is clear that those weekends are your earthly paradise, where you and your friends are dressed because it is too cold, but you are well together in the typical atmosphere of a male community. Can a hetero get involved in a similar atmosphere? The answer is certainly yes, because the climate is at the same time uninhibited and not aggressive, one feels loved, pampered, one perceives that one is the object of the attention of the other guys and the thing is in itself gratifying. 

Certainly for a gay guy all this also has a sexual value but no sense of frustration takes over because the affective involvement is still deep and mutual even if things on the sexual level are not in the same way.

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