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A GAY GUY LOOKING FOR THE BEST GUY
#1
Oh! Well .... I know how bad you felt about and I'm sorry ... but I can tell you, so, with open heart I'll tell you: I expected it ... but, excuse me, with me it’s impossible, ok, I'm fine all the same, you have a thousand reasons, you haven’t told me in the face brutally why, but I know very well what is that “why” ... I must be put aside because "there is something better!". After our story is over how many other guys did you meet? Six, seven, I don’t know, I’ve lost count. Every time you broke up with some guy the speech was always the same: "There is something better ..." I believe that by reasoning this way you’ll make such a collection of frustrations that you will eventually have to recognize that you have thrown away some golden occasions. I'm not saying with me, maybe it would not have worked with me, but with some of those guys you could have built a nice story. 
 
Fabio was really in love with you and he was a wonderful  guy, if he had fallen in love with me I would have felt like the richest man in the world, but he was in love with you and you didn’t want him because you said there was something better and you made him feel bad like a beaten dog and then he came to me in order to lick quietly his wounds. But there is more, you fooled him you made him believe you would spend your life with him. I still remember that time we went out together, you cuddled him so tenderly, you kissed him so tenderly, you were hugged with him all evening and I said to myself inside: "Poor Fabio! He is deluding himself ... " and punctually, after a month, you broke up with Fabio and you went back to the search for the best guy without even telling him it... I, maybe, I'm be stupid ... maybe I cannot understand but it is as a kind of irrepressible craving  takes you, for you sex is a drug, you use it just like drugs, you are addicted.
 
You run after a guy like just a lost lover would do, then he yields to your requests and you say he has no backbone, he cannot assert himself, and you pass sentences of any kind ... coming so far as to say he's not good to make love and then at the end of the speech comes the usual sentence: "There’s something better!" ... and the game starts again ... you make victims and destroy the lives of these guys, who will never forgive themselves for have paid attention to you, you don’t even note such things because you think only of yourself ... you don’t even know the damage you do ... but in the end the years pass and you throw them away like that. You don’t look for love, you are looking for the "perfect guy", you are looking for things that don’t exist, you are throwing away the real guys that I don’t say are better than you but at least are definitely at your level ... 

You once did a crazy speech that annoyed me a lot: you said you wanted one's hands, another's eyes, a third's smile, and even another's way of having sex. But who put these stupid things in your head? But you realize that you are almost 30 years old and you know absolutely nothing about what love is, you have made a collection of guys, like English lords who hung in the hall the hunting trophies, you still see love like that ... you, at 30, are still looking for the perfect guy. You could say to me: "Why are you telling me it?" ... well ... we're friends, aren’t we? 

In fact I think I'm one of the few friends that you still have, all others have broken up with you ... you are convinced that you it’s you the one who broke up with them but in reality they are the ones who gave up ... in a minor tone, but you have also applied to friends the story of "there is something better" you ... you have tried to apply it to me too ... and it’s me who didn’t want to give up despite everything. I kept telling you what I really think, that is that you are going towards a total dissipation of yourself, you're throwing yourself away in a lot of nonsense, going still now, 30 years old, chasing fantasies ... 

I think you're still conditioned by the myth ... right from the myth of the ideal guy ... at 30 you would like a sweet guy,  good, affectionate, totally without experience because you think you can educate him, but you don’t even say to educate, you say to wean ...  You? And what could you teach him? What could you teach a clean boy? Could you teach him how to pretend to be in love ... or how do you feel desperate when you pretend to continue playing but you realize that the castle is collapsing? 

I don’t know what you can foresee for your future because you in effect always seek this blessed ideal guy. And then if even this ideal guy existed, do you think he would fall in love with you? So you're the ideal guy! ... of course it's obvious ... look at yourself in the mirror ... in fact you're a nice guy but not so young, you bring with you so many manias and frenzies that a psychoanalyst could work on them a lifetime, when you start with your bla bla you don’t stop anymore ... you always say the same things, do you think you are fascinating but you are not and you don’t even realize it, it was you the one who broke up with Mathew? 

You are convinced, but it is not so and you know how they things are really? Mathew has left you ... it’s he who has left you and you know why ... it’s he who told me: he left you "because there is something better ...". You don’t believe it? How is it possible that there is someone better than you? ... Yet Mathew was perfectly convinced ... and do you know who taught it this philosophy? You taught him it! Mathew a reasoning like this, before, he wouldn’t have done ... I knew him well before, he, before, was looking for a real guy ... but after he met you he started to look for the ideal guy. 

Now I told you what I had to tell you ... wake up until you're in time ... don’t run after butterflies. If a guy at 30 has not yet understood what it means to love, he must try to understand it quickly because the Mathew who dumped you because "there is something better ..." is likely not to be an exception but the first of a long series of guys who will dump you and then you will understand ... but then understanding will not make any sense. I tell you these things because I think that they are true ... don’t worry, I'm not trying to get back with you ... I know that "there is something better!" ... but at least as a friend you can still go well.
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