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A GAY GUY IN LOVE
#1
Interview with Andrew (a student then twenty-two years old, enrolled in the third year of Engineering) recorded on October 26th  1985 by Project, then affectionately nicknamed "the Owl" by his friends.
 
So, my name is Andrew P., 22 years old, from a few months student in the third year of Engineering, up to now in good standing with the exams. I live with my parents in a very small town but along the railway line that goes to Rome. To get from home to University it takes exactly two hours. Leaving home at six in the morning (in the winter it’s still night) I arrive at destination shortly after eight, I stay there until six in the afternoon, and at eight in the evening I'm back home, I take a shower and go to sleep because usually I don’t stand up because of the fatigue. 

In practice I'm on the train four hours every day, I bring books and study while the train runs. But the train – if you are a commuter you know it very well - creates a routine, all the acts are repetitive. I always sit in the same place, I always have the same people and the same compartment-mates around. You can understand where I want to end up ... well, about ten days ago, to be precise on October 15th , because certain dates are no longer forgotten, at the train stop seven minutes after mine, a guy, a bit unkempt and with a ruffled hair gets on the train. I've never seen him before. 

There is a crowd, he must remain standing. I look at him very carefully, tall, thin, light brown, with the hair cut in a helmet, dressed in clear. He is supported by a vertical support that is close to my seat, I see in detail the back of his hand and part of his forearm, he has beautiful hands, his body is absolutely regular. He is alone, without friends, has a backpack on his shoulder that seems almost empty. I look at his hand with the utmost attention, I would like to hold it, caress it, almost casually lift my eyes, meet his gaze for a moment, he does not look away and smiles at me. 

I'm sitting on the inside seat, not the one next to the window, I would love him to get closer, lean on me but even if there is a lot of crowd he doesn’t even touch me not even by mistake ... after the first few minutes it happens to me an embarrassing situation, in practice I get an uncontrollable erection. He stands a few inches from me. Before the thing becomes clear I lean the folder on my knees, pull out a book and start reading, but in practice I pretend to read and observe as much as possible that guy almost as if I could spy on his most intimate secrets just looking at his right hand, take me for a maniac, but I really liked that guy, here now I prefer to fly over, but the thoughts that came to my mind, if you ever wanted a guy you can understand them very well. 

Station after station, Termini (the central train station of Rome) approaches and my erection shows no signs of diminishing. I don’t think I say something exceptional, but standing up with an erection in that situation is very embarrassing and I begin to worry ... I try to think about the exams, I bite my tongue, hold my breath as much as I can ... I try to put into practice the techniques I know to get back to a normal condition ... but there's nothing to do. My jacket is on the net above the seats and to get it I should get up. When we get to the station, I take courage and making a screen with the folder I get up with a maneuver a bit funny and I take the jacket ... it's already a step forward ... 

We get down, the guy precedes me ... I don’t overtake him, I let him to precede me for the pleasure of following him ... I'm willing not to go to class so as not to leave him alone even for a minute, but he goes just to the university ... then he takes Hippocrates avenue and goes on Scarpa street. You will not believe it but he was a freshman of Engineering ... I said to myself: "Wow! I’ll see this guy every day!" 

He was a little confused, he didn’t know where to go ... so I presented myself, with the excuse that we had seen each other on the train, I explained a lot of things of the faculty, he was listening and remembered everything I told him and then I had the opportunity to look at his face ... and it was of an incredible sweetness, I don’t even know if he was beautiful, but he was sweet, smiling, very direct. We went to the bar ... he was happy not to feel alone. I would have done everything not to break those moments of enchantment. Obviously the problem that had worried me on the train was back to the assault but now I had the jacket on and there was no risk. I told him I was going back home with the six o'clock train and that I was going to study at the central library. 

He asked me where I used to eat and I told him that I would eat just a sandwich with a bottle of water and he told me: "If you like, we can eat the sandwiches together". Then I went to my class, but I kept thinking about that guy whose name I didn’t even know. We ate our sandwiches together ... then I went to follow my other lessons in the afternoon and he went to study in the library, at five twenty we went back to the station and got on the train. I, for obvious reasons, didn’t take my coat off, even though the heating was on and it was terribly hot, he told me: " But don’t you feel hot?" I replied: "A little, but I prefer to keep the jacket on ... ", he looked at me with a mischievous smile and I felt a terrible embarrassment ... probably he had noticed all the maneuver in the morning. 

He took his jacket off and actually had nothing to hide, I confess that I was sorry, I wanted so much him to try what I felt. Then the train left, in the evening there are very few people, there is no crowd like in the morning, we talked for almost an hour and a half, then he got down the train saying: "See you tomorrow!" I don’t tell you what I did when I got home, but, despite all, in the night I could not get to sleep, I thought of him all the time, I saw him in front of me, I heard his voice and even his smell, a kind of obsession. 

The next day I shaved with the utmost care and I put on the most beautiful shirt I have and, of course, the longest jacket ... I get on the train and I feel excited at the thought of seeing him but at the train stop he is non there, I feel frozen ... Why? We did not exchange phone numbers and I have no means to contact him and I only know his name: Mark. I feel badly depressed ... but he is not there and I cannot do anything. Things went on like this for another eight days, I was very bad the first two or three days, but then I started to get used to the idea that Mark was not there anymore ... but yesterday, Saturday, he was there again. 

I must have received him with great enthusiasm and he gave me a beautiful smile. He had only had chickenpox! The story of Andrew and Mark (our story) today is at this point. On the first day of Mark's disappearance, I had talked about it with the Owl and he had told me: "He will come back, certainly will come back! Don’t worry!" and we had bet that if he came back I would have recorded the story ... The story? You will say, but it is a banality ... perhaps, I say, ... but I hope so much that you are wrong!
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